Allow Me to Reintroduce Myself....

It's been a long time since I've posted anything of interest.  But then again, it may only be interesting to me.  Oh and maybe to that one sympathetic blog stalker I acquired along the way.  The one who attempted a not so innocent web search for "Magic City Girl", found me, and decided to never leave.  So I'm writing for the two of us now.

Staying true to the game though, the rest of this blog probably won't be all that exciting either (sorry Magic City Fans).  I'm pretty much just me.  Although I've struggled with an alter ego at times, I'm more comfortable going back to being simply MzG or the letter E.  You decide.

 Although, I'm a teacher by profession, my thoughts are a bit random.  Even my honey gets frustrated when I blurt out what I'm thinking while he's talking.  Maybe because it rarely has anything to do with what he's saying.  Plus I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm not paying attention. I really am, it's just that for whatever reason if a thought pops in my head, releasing it immediately into the atmosphere gives me some type of gratification.  I've just blessed the world with a new fortuitous thought.  Doesn't "fortuitous" make it seem worthy to be passed on?  Does anyone else do that? Anywho changing lanes again.  I figured this reintroduction should come with some type of Q & A.  But why put answers out to questions that haven't been asked? So I'll leave it up to you.  Ask me a question and I'll attempt to tell you the answer.  But just in case, you want to skip all that and get straight to it, feel free to read 25 Things About Me.  Trust me, not much has changed.  While you do that, I reserve my right to plead the fifth.

Until next time, much love and laughter....journey light.

E

Just My Thoughts:Tired But Hopeful

Cancer (6/22-7/22)
Today’s Horoscope: You'll have all the energy and opportunity you need to socialize like a pro today, although you might not have as much time as you'd like. It's all about brief, pleasant interludes and snappy comebacks right now. You can save the long, drawn-out conversations for another day. The experiences you have with other people now might feel less substantial, but they are still just as effective at keeping you connected.
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Hey Beautiful…today I'm grateful for the opportunity to see the sun again and another day to get it right....Some things in life may not always turn out the way I hope but it keeps building me and preparing me for the real thing..."The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for" ~Allan Chalmers

Today’s horoscope is a bit off base. Although I have been invited to a couple of football gatherings tonight and there’s a couple of open mics I wouldn’t mind checking out, I’m not feeling like the energy part fits. Today I’m not feeling very energetic. I’m tired. I’m tired of people coming in my life saying one thing and doing the exact opposite once they have my attention. I’m tired of starting over from scratch. I’m tired of my car deciding it’s going to act brand new on the day I need it to be the most dependable. I’m tired of thinking I got life figured out. I’m tired of making mistakes. I’m tired of thinking this time it will be different.

But luckily, regardless of how frustrated I may get or how disillusioned I sometimes feel, I’m glad I’m able to keep standing and that I’m crazy enough to believe that one day everything will fall into place exactly the way I have envisioned it. Because I’m a dreamer, hopeless romantic, believer in people and by nature look for the good in everyone/everything. I guess that explains why I’m a teacher. J So even though I may get tired of many things, these same things are the stepping stones that keep me moving. There was a time not very long ago, I would break down completely, cry a lot in solitude, question why, and even demand an answer from the person I felt could explain it to me or God. But I’ve learned that we all have our trials and errors. No ones immune from life’s changes. Depending on how we each handle these obstacles is what strengthens us or knocks us out. I’m not as strong as I would like to be. As much as I believe in karma and signs, I still ignore some things I know I shouldn’t. And of course that’s when hindsight kicks in and the lesson is learned. Reflection is usually not that hard to do but accepting responsibility is an even more difficult pill to swallow. But the beauty of it all is the ability to look back, accept it for what it is/was, and not hold onto that which will haunt me later. To have the opportunity to sleep peacefully and continue dreaming pleasantly. In other words, keep it moving. So even though I may be tired today of a lot of things, I can’t afford to let it take away my joy nor move me from this phase in my life that has given me much to be thankful for in the midst of several question marks. Until next time….journey light.

Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,

E

So I Seem Hurt = Why I'm Single........Really?

So I haven't written anything in a minute. At least not here anyway. But I have scribbled quite a bit elsewhere in notebooks, on napkins, toilet paper etc :-). Anywho what brings me here tonight is an incident from earlier this evening. I have a particular piece that I perform that women like and the men well I don't know....I think they take it personal. Even though I do the disclaimer, letting them know its not about them and don't be so sensitive. But tonight, I had an older gentleman stop me and tell me he just felt like he should hug me and say "its going to be alright." I laughed and expressed to him that I'm good, it's just a piece. But he wasn't buying it. And although I did admit to him that its personal but it was from years ago, he felt like I was still hurt by it and carrying it around. I guess my answer to his "Are you single? and why?" question sealed the deal on my lonely woe is me sad little miserable life :-) Which makes me curious to know is that the perception most men have of me? That I'm single because I'm hurting? How come I just can't be single because I'm happy with me? WOW. The truth is I'm not hurt at all, but I do remember all too well the way I felt, so going back helps me perform. The poem itself was a therapy piece.


See I get the question are you single followed with why quite often and I always answer, because I'm happy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the "I don't need a man chic." I just prefer not to hunt them down and harpoon them. But more than that, I've always put myself in a position behind someone else and never really fully enjoyed me. And that's not anyone else's fault, because I didn't know me either. If you don't know, I've been married. There was no cheating, beatings, addictions, etc. We just grew apart because it was based on surface attraction. We didn't dig deep enough to recognize if there was really any longevity for our relationship. So with me knowing what I know now, having a manchild, and coming to understand myself more, I'm good with me for now. Plus I tried doing the relationship thing again and realized I was still overlooking qualities that play a major role in staying power and effective communication. I think most people fool themselves into thinking they want certain things just to stay with someone. I've figured out it's not worth my sanity nor my joy. So until "that brotha" comes along that I need to connect to, I'm good with the "single" title. Until next time...journey light.

Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,

E

7 Days of Gratitude: Day 7

DrLife: Spiritual practice of the week: For the next 7 days, wake up and write 5 things that you are grateful for BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE!

Each day the outlook becomes a little brighter…….and today is the 7th day


1. I’m grateful for extraordinary people that appear ordinary. In the past two weeks, I have had the pleasure of meeting what seems like ordinary people. They may even be referred to as common folks. But there’s nothing ordinary about them. They are those who like to see others do well in life and offer people the tools to do so without being asked. These are people I was just having an ordinary conversation with and they provided me with sound information that can benefit all areas of my life. These are the on time blessings that don’t fall from the sky but walk up to you and ask “How’s it going?” I’m glad I acknowledged their presence instead of looking the other way.

2. I’m grateful for loving what I do. Often times, I get upset when I look around me and find that the climate on my job is not too pleasant. However, I still love being a teacher. I cherish the ah-ha moments that appear in a student who’s finally grasped a concept he was struggling with and now takes off running with it. I am often tickled by the ones who can’t stand me this year, but take a detour to walk past my door the next year just to say hi. I am excited when I see them a few years later and they share with me all of their accomplishments and future plans. I am honored when reading an email or having a conversation with a former student who is now a senior tell me how mean they thought I was but realized it was for their own good. I love when I get a new student and she tells me “My sister told me you don’t play”. LOL. And I respond well I’m glad she warned you.

3. I’m grateful for this thing called poetry. Writing is something I learned to do well as a child, because quite honestly I was embarrassed at times to be vocal. I was often teased for the grunting noise I made at the end of a sentence but couldn’t hear myself do. So the one thing I knew I could do well is look good on paper. Therefore I wrote how I felt. But then I stopped and concentrated my energy on everyone and everything around me. A few years ago, I decided when it was time to focus on me to just write. I hate that I waited so late, but I’m glad that I started when I did. Writing has been perfect therapy for me. It has allowed me to cleanse my mind, connect with great people, and heal my heart. For me there is no greater feeling than riding done the road, walking through the mall, sitting on my patio…..and having a burst of words flood my thoughts stringing themselves together in a rhythmic dance searching for a scrap of paper as its final destination.


4. I’m grateful for inner peace. At this very moment, if I screamed so loud that my neighbors could hear me, it would probably be justified. However, I won’t. It will not change anything around me, nor will it fix what is already broken. About a year ago, I surely would be throwing a tantrum right now as I have some turmoil going on around me. However, yesterday when I felt most challenged, I maintained. This morning I recognized my growth. I finally arrived at inner peace. Something I have gotten close to before, but never quite grab hold of long enough to maintain. However, this time I think I’ve got it! With uncertainty about my son’s direction, my career, my education, and how I will continue to jump over these next few financial hurdles, I am not giving up hope. I am celebrating what I have done and am at peace with what I have not. I know that everything has its own timetable and I’m ok with that.

5. I’m grateful for God’s favor. There is no way possible certain situations have been resolved in my life without God’s undivided attention. Oh I know that sounds cocky, like He was only thinking about me. But it’s quite the opposite. Because I know me better than anyone else and I am fully aware that I could cease to exist at any moment, I have to acknowledge that God has stopped me from drowning a few times. I even recognize that He has allowed me to have something I don’t need because I begged for it so long…..and once He gave it to me, it was later that I realized it wasn’t what I thought……so I wanted Him to take it back and quick. LoL. But of course, I had to deal with the consequences and work my way through some things before He moved those burdens out of my path. Therefore, it would be difficult for me not to see that God has always taken care of my needs and my wants.


This is the 7th and final day that I will be posting my grateful list with details. However, I am planning to make this practice a fixture in my daily routine. Have you tried it yet……what are you grateful for? Until next time…..journey light.

Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E

7 Days of Gratitude: Day 6

DrLife: Spiritual practice of the week: For the next 7 days, wake up and write 5 things that you are grateful for BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE!

Each day is more beautiful than the day before…….and I’m on day 6


1. I’m grateful for soul stirring music. Whether it’s jazz, gospel, or rock, I love how music can get down my toes and converse with me. It can twirl me around, take me back two steps in time and bring back a memory so vivid, it feels like it happened yesterday. It provides me with an anthem for living when things around me seem bleak. When I’m driving I can have a full Richard Smallwood concert by myself that gets me ready for the day. I can put on Mary J. and celebrate being a woman. The Staple Singers always make me think about 'doing it again'. LOL. Music can get me moving when I don’t feel like it. Music speaks to me in a way no one else can.

2. I’m grateful for backyard bbqs. I enjoy getting together with family and friends and just enjoying the company of one another. There are so many that do not get to or desire to build strong relationships with others. One of the reasons I love the summer so much is because I know I’ll be able to see and spend time with those I care most about.

3. I’m grateful for obstacles. Those things that stand between me and my goals, are there to make me appreciate getting to the finish line that much more. Right now I have a few obstacles before me, but I know once I cross over them the next one is easier to overcome.

4. I’m grateful for affirmations. The first time I truly paid attention to the effects affirmations can have was when I purchased “Acts of Faith” by Iylana Vanzant. I got so excited that I bought copies to share with others around me going through. These words of gratitude are having the same effect. They allow me to feel restored, renewed, and rejuvenated. All because I opened my mouth and acknowledged the good things around me, instead of dwelling on the bad.

5. I’m grateful for mental housekeeping. Just like I have to keep the area around me clear of debris, I have to make an extra effort to keep my mind free of those things that can hinder my progress. If I allow negativity to sit around me daily, then eventually, it’s going to find its way into my thoughts. Can’t have that! So when it creeps in, I try to stay alert and sweep those corners out quickly.

Now I have to get back to jumping over these obstacles……….so what are you grateful for? Until next time…..journey light.

Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,

E

7 Days of Gratitude: Day 5

DrLife: Spiritual practice of the week: For the next 7 days, wake up and write 5 things that you are grateful for BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE!

The birds woke me up this morning…….and I’m on day 5………..


1. I’m grateful for Monday mornings. I suppose that’s easy to say right now because it’s we’re in the middle of the summer. But I use to dread Mondays and now I look at is as another opportunity to start the week off inspired and ready to change some things.

2. I’m grateful for do overs. It’s not often that we get the first opportunity to do something the way we want. But to get a second chance to get it right, that is a great feeling. There are some things in life that you get only one turn with. But I’m blessed to be able to have another turn with those things in life that affect me and my future the most.

3. I’m grateful for tears. There are times when I have cried, not knowing where it’s coming from exactly. But afterwards, I feel so much better. Tears may symbolize sadness or happiness, but ultimately they purge and free me from thoughts that may hold me back in my ability to love and even comfort someone else. Aristotle theorized that crying “cleanses the mind”. Just like laughter, crying can ease stress. By allowing those few tears to roll every now and then, I free myself of pain and anger that could potentially lead to illnesses such as depression. I would rather just have a case of the ‘blues’.

4. I’m grateful for joy. The main difference between ‘happiness’ and ‘joy’ is that one is temporary, while the other has long lasting effects. When I think about it one travels from the outside in while the other from the inside out. Something or someone can make me happy, but joy comes from within. ‘This joy that I have the world didn’t give to me…..and the world can’t take it away”. That verse is a reminder that joy is mine unless I give it away.

5. I’m grateful for the birds outside my window. They really use to get on my last nerve, but when my uncle died two years ago, the birds gave me a message. My Uncle Danny was like another father and to get the call that he had passed and I hadn't told him how much he meant to me was devastating. I remember crying inconsolably before dawn. Then hearing my uncle’s voice in a joking manner calling me by the nickname he always used for me and telling me to stop all that ‘damn crying and snot slinging…..I’m alright’. The next sound was this one bird singing loudly outside my window before the sun had even risen. It was very possible that it did that everyday, but that day I heard it clearly. And I started smiling, still crying but grinning from ear to ear. Because I knew on that particular morning that bird was singing specifically for me. So I no longer get mad when they wake me up. I thank them for showing up.

So of course I’m crying now, but it’s ok because this stroll does my soul good…….so what are you grateful for? Until next time…..journey light.

Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,

E

7 Days of Gratitude: Day 4

DrLife: Spiritual practice of the week: For the next 7 days, wake up and write 5 things that you are grateful for BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE!

It’s beautiful morning.......and I’m on day 4……….

1. I’m grateful for solitude. When my mind is on overload, going out to a movie is not always the answer. Interacting with others just may add to my level of stress. There are times when I need to step out of the world and away from the people in it. Shut myself in for a day and focus on me. During those times I may read, meditate, pray, etc. But whatever I’m doing it’s a process needed to make me better. Even if I decide to just clean, it helps me to clear my mind of any unnecessary or ill feelings. It gives me the opportunity to not worry about anything but to focus on simple things like how to get this stain out of the carpet. Therefore I recognize the beauty in solitude and understand it is not the same as loneliness.

2. I’m grateful for shelter. There was only one time in my life that I didn’t know where I was going to live. Even then it was not because I faced homelessness, but because I refused to stay in a place that I knew was going to bring me a great deal of stress. Therefore after one week, I moved back out of my just built apartment with a pair of railroad tracks staring up at my patio. J I hired movers to put my things on a truck and put it in storage. I spent the next 3 weeks hotel hopping. It almost felt like I was on vacation with Priceline.com as my tour guide, lol. So regardless of the circumstances, I’ve always been blessed with a roof over my head, electricity, water and food.

3. I’m grateful for having a voice. Thinking of the situation above, there are many people who do not have those types of choices or resources. Or who believe they have to take what someone says or does to them because that’s what they have become accustomed to. But that is not the way it must be. There may be times of discomfort my life, but I have a voice. At no time should a person ever feel they must remain silent and accept whatever is told to them if it is not for their own good. If I were unable to speak my mind about my own life than my life would easily become the property of someone else. At that point, what’s the purpose of living?

4. I’m grateful for individuality. I love to see children do their own thing, but within reason of course. No spoiled brats like on ‘The Nanny’. I would be on the 12, 6, and 11 o’clock news if faced with that. LOL. As children, most of us start out trying to be like someone else we idolize. Whether it is our parents or someone we saw on television. As we enter our teens, we want to fit in and become like those around us. That’s when the real struggle begins. We want their popularity, their looks, their style, their girlfriends/boyfriends, etc. Nowadays I believe it’s simply referred to as ‘swag’. But whatever it is, we want it. This in itself, when you pause and think, means we are coveting someone else’s identity. That is not how we are designed. Even identical twins have some characteristics that allows for them to be individuals. It’s easy to see as an adult, but unfortunately many adults are the worse about trying to be like someone else. It took me a minute to figure this out, but I have no desire to be just like the people around me. How boring is that? I can learn nothing from those identical to me. Therefore I’m happy with whom I am and I can only be me.


5. I’m grateful for my spirituality. I am not one to challenge another’s beliefs. When you dismiss another person’s belief system, I think it tears them down versus building them up. There is no real teaching in telling someone how to or not to do something. It must be modeled. It must be lived and shown. Therefore I respect another’s religious practices and ask that they respect my choices. I grew up attending church. I’ve served in a few positions in church as well. I’ve even had the opportunity to be a guest speaker at churches we fellowshipped with. But eventually I learned to not embrace religion, but spirituality. And that lesson has been primarily taught to me by my interaction with reluctant churchgoers. These are not non-believers but people who because of “religious practices” have been turned off to attending church, and in some cases accepting Christianity. I do enjoy attending church service, but I recognize that the building I sit in matters not, as long as I can be spiritually fed. Although my spirituality is based on biblical readings and teachings, what God looks like I do not presume to say. It does not really matter to me, He’s black or white or if the pastor is a woman. The message should be the same regardless of whose mouth it’s uttered from, even if it steps on my toes. That’s where the breakdown occurs. That’s how most people get lost when the person presumed to be given a title by God adds their two cents. That is why we have so many translations. The vessel that God uses can be anyone and it can be for only one time. That often goes unrecognized. However because of the things that I have personally experienced I know that God exist and His Word exist in me. I also acknowledge His Word outside of me. I do not feel lost. I cannot sit high and point out another’s flaws. I can only focus on my own. For another, I can only hope that most of the time, I am a positive influence. Because I recognize that I am not perfect and while living will never reach that status. But I do believe in being a lifelong learner in all areas of my life. Therefore, I’ve moved away from the tradition of sitting somewhere just because it’s what I’ve always done every Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday. So, I go where I can 'intentionally' hear and learn, not just be caught up in the numbers. Today, that just may be streamingfaith.com :)

Wow, how did I end up here? Hmm, I just might lose someone today. But I also may inspire you to use your voice. So again I ask........what are you grateful for? Until next time......journey light.

Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,

E

7 Days of Gratitude: Day 3

DrLife: Spiritual practice of the week: For the next 7 days, wake up and write 5 things that you are grateful for BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE!

It’s the weekend y’all!!.......and I’m on day 3……….

1. I’m grateful for patience. When challenged my initial thought is to immediately do something, to react. But I have learned to step back and take a 2nd look at my situation and wait. Whether it is dealing with my personal life or someone else’s child, I’ve come to find those breathing exercises to work. Now do I always do this? No. But I’m so much better than I was.

2. I’m grateful for guidance. The older we get the wiser we should become. As children, teenagers, and young adults, we are often dismissive of advice from our elders. Instead we seek advice from someone that’s right there in the trenches with us side by side. But as I’ve become older, I see the fault in that. Now my attitude is if I am going to make a mistake, let it be a new one. It makes no sense to make the same errors as those around me.

3. I’m grateful for faith. I’m so happy I’ve learned to accept that ‘this too shall pass’. That the next day or hour will be brighter. That whatever it is I’m up against will work itself out. And if it doesn’t, well apparently God has other plans for me.

4. I’m grateful for sensitivity. This is one I use to hate. How I could be so easily affected by what someone else thinks, says, or does. But its part of what makes me, me. It frames my thinking and helps me to be understanding when I don’t want to be understanding. It helps me to find the good in someone or something, and try to show kindness when needed the most. It keeps me balanced.

5. I’m grateful for acceptance. I use to be good (really just evil) at deciding who it is I will associate with based off of a ‘feeling’ I got. Not ever having a conversation, just a feeling. Now, taking people at face value has become much easier for me to do. I still have a couple of categories of folks I find difficult to talk to, but most I can carry a conversation with easily. However, there are still conditions and that is that your intentions are not to harm me or those around me mentally, emotionally or physically.


How blessed I am that you took the time to listen on this beautiful morning......now how blessed are you? Until next time....journey light.

Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,

E

7 Days of Gratitude: Day 2

DrLife: Spiritual practice of the week: For the next 7 days, wake up and write 5 things that you are grateful for BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE!

So much is going on in the world around me.....I'm on day 2.....

1. I'm grateful for laughter. I remember going through life and people always telling me to smile. If only the knew how much I do smile & laugh. I've learned that regardless of my circumstances, to keep smiling, keep laughing. Laughter truly is the best medicine and I have laughed myself out of some things that could hold me back from living.

2. I'm grateful for love. I think one of the main reason I married when I did is because I had never experienced the love that my ex displayed for me. I was very flattered and moved. Therefore I was never a question in my mind about how he felt about me. I've experienced the feeling of someone loving me for me and wanting the best for me. Now that I know what that feels like, I can't accept an imitation.

3. I'm grateful for motherhood. I only have one child. Who is now a man. It is the only pregnancy I've had and although, I was not married. I believe he was the one child intended for me. He hasn't grieved me in the way I've seen other mothers grieve. He isn't in the streets, nor jail. He has no kids. So as mad as I may get with him now, I remind myself that God gave me this particular child for a reason.

4. I'm grateful for a my upbringing. Ohh Lawd, the things I COULD say. The other night over dinner some friends and I strolled down the memory lane of discipline. But that discipline is what shaped me along with the love and care I received as a child and still do feel as an adult. The seed my parents planted in me was placed deeply. That is what allows me to be who I am without apology.

5. I'm grateful for childhood memories. When I think of tragedies that occur in the world, especially the death and abuse of children, I can't fathom what their lives must have looked like. I remember our whole family(cousins & all) spending time together year round. Sledding in the winter. Playing volleyball and baseball in the summer. Huge gathering for each holiday. Riding the greyhound with my cousins to visit our grandmothers every summer. Churning homemade ice cream at the family bbq every weekend. Even beatings with switches at those same bbqs and being told "thats your cousin y'all don't ever fight". Going to the A & W with my dad on the weekends for chilidogs. Packing ourselves in my aunt's car to go the beach. Trying on the school clothes that my mom brought home, because that's the way it was. Building a snow fortress and sand castles. Learning how to ride a bike even though my dad let me fall the first couple of times. My mom having hot chocolate waiting as I peeled out of the moonboots, snowmobile suit, leggings, extra sweater, hat, and mittens. My dad teaching me how to beat his friends at chess. Sitting between my mom's legs, while she frenchbraided and beaded my hair. My grandmother teaching me how to crochet and macrame. I'm so glad my family allowed me the opportunity to just be a child and not force my growth with adult situations and problems.

I'm sitting here smiling as I look back. How blessed I am to experience these things and more.......how blessed are you? Until next time....journey light.

Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,

E

7 Days of Gratitude: Day 1

A friend of mine posted the following statement on Twitter:

DrLife: Spiritual practice of the week: For the next 7 days, wake up and write 5 things that you are grateful for BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE!

Her tweet reminded me that it was time to review my 2009 goals and so far I've been making progress with all but that finance one. Ugh!! But anywho, the two goals I'm specifically thinking about regarding DrLife's tweets are to 'Improve my overall spiritual growth and giving' and 'Improve my relationship with self'. Because in order to give of yourself, I believe you must be able to also take care of yourself first. So I encourage myself by participating in a variety of things that cause me to grow. As I look at the statement above there's much to be grateful for.

1. I'm grateful that I still have life. As cliche as it may sound, on November 2, 1990, I rolled my car over an estimated 3 times in a rural area with two houses in sight. My car landed on its roof. I unbuckled myself, walked to the edge of the road, where someone caught me before I hit the concrete. I was in the hospital maybe 5 hours. Long enough for them to pull the shards of glass from my hand and head.

2. I'm grateful that I have my health. I hadn't been in the hospital overnight since Dom was born until last summer. I underwent surgery that required the removal of a ovarian cyst that grew to the size of a baseball in about 7 months as well as the removal of the tube on the opposite side. The cyst had began affecting my kidney's as well. So I had two additional doctors on site. But the one I was concerned with was the oncologist, just in case it was found to be cancerous. Thank God, he was just an observer that day. Ladies, pay attention to your bodies and make those yearly exams a birthday present to yourself.

3. I'm grateful for strength. While going through the divorce, I found myself with a lenghthy list of expenses that I was solely responsible for. My name was on everything. Eventually I was facing a foreclosure as my mortgage had been adjusting every 6 months. The last statement I remember was for almost $1600 per month. At that point, I decide to tell them they can have it. I could not fret about what was now out of my control. What was within my control is not sitting there waiting to be put out. So, I found a new place, packed up, moved, and started over. This was before the big mortgage fallout. I never hid my situation. In fact I believe in telling others, so they can be more aware of the responsibilities of home ownership.

4. I'm grateful for my family. No matter what has occured in my life. No matter what choices I have made. I have been phenomally blessed by a mother, father, sister, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and that boy of mine lol. They have always provided me with open arms, shoulders to lean and cry on, and encouragement to 'keep it moving'. I have met people who do not have the type of bond I have with my family. I can't imagine what that feels like and I pray that I will never have to.

5. I'm grateful for my friends. As I went through my divorce, I realized my social circle was my ex's family, friends, our church (pastored by his mom), and a couple of people I worked with. Other than that everyone else was miles & miles away and we spoke sporadically due to various obligations. Although I'm still just as close to my best friends from 20+ years ago, I have opened myself up to meeting other people. Most of the people I have encountered, I would never have imagined to be in my social circle. But now they are and they have proved to be better friends than many I've known for years.

Wow, that was long huh? lol. Well that's my first day of 7.......what are you grateful for? Until the next time......journey light.

Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,

E

Simple Things: Embracing Time Alone

"Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self" - May Sarton

There was once a time when I fell in a funk for a few days and could not place my finger on the exact cause of its source.  However as I become more aware of self, it has become much easier to point out the origination of my foul disposition and accept it.  Now some of you may wonder why accept something that normally causes many of us to lie in bed for days or eat a tub of ice cream in one sitting.  Well if it were depression I would be more concerned, but it's not.  Depression is an illness that far outweighs life's ups and downs and should not be taken of lightly.  My complaints do not come close to what many people suffer with on a daily basis.  

What I am referring to is just a case of the blues.  Normally triggered by a setback of some sort.  With that being said, I am learning to take that negative energy and turn it into something positive.  Afterall, a setback is not permanent unless I allow it to be.  So instead of feeling lonely and defeated, I embrace the idea of time alone as a gift from God.  There once was a time that I would get so caught up in everything and everyone else that I would attempt to work through the phase. Now I stop and breathe.  I do what feels best for me.  I reassess my life and what I want to occur from that day forward.  I look at what I need to do and begin to implement those things in my life. I do so in solitude, because if I include my family and friends, I may not hear the message intended for me. Until next time......journey light.

Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings

E

Maybe I Am a Shoe Whore, But What Are You?

Ok, so yesterday it was not my intention to buy any shoes at all. I only wanted to pick up some items for my students at the store next door. But I saw one of those signs. You know the one that has the big multicolored dots on them. The first dot says something or 'nother and the second says "1/2 off" or "free". Rightttt that one. See I knew you knew :) So, I was lured into this shoe store by one of these signs and thought, well, maybe I do need one pair of really comfortable work shoes.

I saw a pair. Tried them on. Hmph, not really cute but possibly do-able. Then, I saw another. It was a little more appealing to the eye and was slightly more comfortable. So, I slipped the other on and proceeded to do my "try before you buy walk". Which by the way, really does not work because I always find myself giving away shoes that scored a big fat ZERO in the real world trial. Anywho, I digress, so as I was walking around in the possible pair, out of the corner of my eye I spotted a neon green sticker with $12 flashing on it next to the original price of $59.99. Kind of like the blue light in Kmart. Well, not really flashing, but as you begin to slide into bargain mode, this is generally what appears to be the case in one's mind. Therefore, I surmised that where there is 1 great deal, there must be at least 2. Now I know how Goldilocks felt when she began her taste test of porridge until she was satisfied. I, of course, was not satisfied until I purchased 4 pairs of shoes and decided I could do without the pair truly intended for work.

Three of the four are about 3 inches so those will only be seen every blue moon. For those of you, who knowme-knowme, already know that I really could care less what I wear to work, but a cute shoe, a banging purse, and a deal will have said item in the top of my closet waiting for a matching piece to come along for the party. WooHoo!! So here I am spilling my guts and posting pics of the 3 pairs of heals, because Mo said she wanted to see them. LOL. I figured I might as well add my rarely worn favs too. Until the next time......journey light.

BTW, question -Ladies, has the state of the economy slowed your spending? or are you in fifth gear on bargain hunting?

Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings

E

Favs that I've had over a year or more, but I've only worn a couple of times :)

This Valentine's Day Hoopla!

No - I'm not angry because I'm single. Matter of fact, I need my coupled up friends to stop looking at me like I have leprosy and trying to send me on blind dates. lol. My status is chosen and I embrace it whole heartedly! Don't get me wrong - I'm not against loving relationships . I love the ideal of love, being in love and all that comes with it. As long as he and I are working toward common goals, can enjoy each other as friends, and trust enough in our relationship that we can also have a life outside of each other, I'm down. Plus I need to keep my own place and he keep his :) But anywho, I'm more down with loving myself first. Since my divorce, I have had two relationships and both have proven to be more draining than motivating, therefore I am so in love with me right now, its sick. I'm much more motivated to do the things I enjoying like writing, when my eyes are not all glazed over and my heart is not all involved. Don't know why. It is what it is :)

So I thought in the spirit of self love, I would share this piece I wrote a while back. Until the next time.......journey light.

Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings

E




I Never Imagined…



I never imagined you
Curiosity has me in its hand
Like Alice perusing Wonderland
I journeyed down the rabbit hole
Allowing another chapter to unfold
Reaching the other side untouched
I never realized I’d need you this much
An adventure designed just for me
Desires revealed that only I could see
And now that your presence is known
I’m afraid to let you go back to your home

Before
I had
routines
boredom
uneventful days
predictable nights
thoughts that
screamed
Did I do the right thing?
Did I make the right choice?
Is it too late to change my mind?
You or him?
Him or you?
Constantly I questioned my own rational
My thoughts were inexplicable
This new route played out in my mind
again and again
and I was afraid to start
afraid to move forward alone
But I’ve learned to focus
Focus on you

So I step forward boldly
Claiming my new season
Unyielding to previously failed visions
Shaping and molding new plans
Not limiting my faith to another man
Considering the newness of your smile
Replaying and revising my life’s profile
Appreciating your view of the world and others
Your ability to welcome what life has to offer
While I’ve always struggled with skepticism
Your optimism overrides my pessimism
I enjoy watching your eyes sparkle with anticipation
A look I could never achieve without hesitation
And I thank you for being my friend
I promise to never look back again
but to accept you unconditionally
because after all you are
simply the other side
a reflection of me

Memories of Spring 1990

Today, my son entered his 19th year of life and although this prose was done as a writing exercise a few years ago, it brings a smile to my face each time I read it. So now I'm sharing it with you.


As I watch him, lying there, sleeping so peacefully, I wonder did God intend to give him to me? At night, I go to his crib and stare at him intently crying in silence not really knowing what’s in store for us. Now, here I am over a month later once again questioning God’s intent for me. I mean look at his tiny little hands and feet. He’s so fragile. I’m still afraid to hold him. As he sleeps, he looks like he’s smiling. I wonder what’s on your mind, little warrior. Are you thinking about your future the way I am? I wonder daily where he will fall in this world built on greed and envy. Will he grow to be someone admired by the world? Or just the local street thugs? Will he grow to become a strong man, husband, and father? Or just another man following in his father’s and grandfather’s footsteps not knowing how to be a father himself? How will I know what to do? Will I be able to comfort him with the trials he will face in his life? Counsel him through pain and loss? Will I be able to teach him how to ride a bike, throw a football, drive a car? Can I actually teach him how a real man treats a real woman? Look at my little warrior, Dominique Ashanti, sleeping without a care in the world. I stand next to his crib hoping I will be able to handle the task set before me. And at that moment, on a rainy day in March 1990, the Lord saw fit to tell me "Erika, you and this child I’ve given you, will be just fine".

Written March 2006 by Erika G.

25 (not really) Interesting Things About Erika

Ok, so I actually did this last night, as I've been getting tagged on facebook left and right. But I lost it and was contemplating doing it again. So in the spirit of being viewed as a team player : -) here it is again.

1. I actually hate these list things (so does that count as a bonus)
2. I can't fall asleep if I know the lid is up on the toilet
3. I flipped my car over several times and landed upside down on November 2, 1990, and my best friend did the same thing on November 2, 1991 (hence the scars we have on our left hand)
4. I tend to write about love, lust, desire when I'm not in love vs when I am
5. My very first concert was at Sugar Hill in 2007 to see Eric Roberson
6. I hate cigarette smoke unless I've been drinking and then I'll smoke one
7. I played a saxophone thoughout middle/high school and had an opportunity to go to FAMU on a scholarship ( I didn't love it enough to rise at death hours for practice)
8. I have been target shooting with a .22 rifle, 9mm, and AK-47, but I would never shoot an animal (maybe a person j/k)
9. I have run over several squirrels and chipmunks though
10. I have a thing about keeping my shoes in the boxes they were purchased in, therefore I have issues with purchasing shoes from the rack at Macy's even if they are cute as hell
11. I have a thing for containers period, so my organization requires organization
12. My friends will never know how many articles of clothing I really have, because I absolutely loathe ironing and rely heavily on carefree clothing and the wrinkles to fall out
13. My alterego is not DrkTearz but GeGe (courtesy of Smoochie)
14. Once I'm inside I don't want to go out, but once I'm outside I don't want to go back in
15. Although the 2 dudes I dated after my divorce were hard to shake, a guy I never ever dated began to stalk me when I was in my early 20's (yep, notified the police, parents, restraining order, etc)
16. I prefer a stick over an automatic
17. Although I've received many compliments on my legs, I don't do mini's - I tried skorts in 07
18. Everytime my trip to visit my mom comes to an end, I cry like a baby and have to be consoled
19. I hated raisins up until Sunday, when Mechelle put them in this snack mix with popcorn, now I'm addicted
20. I warm up my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in the microwave
21. I trust most people until given a reason not to, then I'm just done with them
22. I'm sentimental about experiences I've shared with others, but not sentimental about the person
23. At my old church, I spoke (I don't say preached) several times and was a guest speaker at a couple of the churches we fellowshipped with
24. I've never been on a cruise
25. I find myself straightening the clothing out on the store racks before I look through the merchandise and putting like items together before I walk off
26. Although I will flirt and laugh it up with a lot of guys, I never approach someone I'm truly attracted to and therefore won't say much to him (unless of course I've had way too much liquid courage and that's rare)

Ok, so I think if you took the time to read this in its entirety, you're suppose to do it too - Tag You're It! Journey light!

Luv, peace, blessings

E