Today's Outlook
Cancer (6/22-7/22)
Is it a case of mistaken identity, or are you just really seeing this person's true colors for the first time? Play detective when it comes to the past. In light of their recent behavior, you may no longer dismiss some erratic or inconsiderate behaviors as 'just one of those things.' In fact, it may be part of a pretty clear pattern. Now that you have the evidence assembled in front of you, you have to decide what to do next. Let your conscience be your guide.
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I've always found it a bit odd that my daily horoscope which I choose to read sporadically and often at the end of the day lines up so conveniently perfect with yesterday's issue. But then I normally reason that I'm sure everyone is going through a very similiar situation regardless of what their sun sign happens to be. But nope...not this time. It simply is, what it is....and for me if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, well then damnitallhell I should know what it is. Doesn't matter how much I may want it to be something else it still remains the same.
As the last line of my outlook suggests, I do allow my conscience to be my guide. Not only that, the older I become the less tolerant I am of waiting games. I don't think I need to see if what I'm feeling now is going to ever go away or if I'm being irrational. I think the fact that a seed of doubt was allowed to take root because no one's trying to stop it speaks volumes. Therefore I just keep it moving. Just this way of thinking in itself has kept me from being the crazy jealous type. You know the one who goes through your emails, text messages, instant messages, snail mail, etc. Counts your condoms or hides one just to see what you can come up with off the top of your head when I demand to know what happens to it. Follows you, shows up at your spot unannounced, calls you all night while you're out with fellas and accuses you of being with someone else. I can keep going. Not because I've done it but because I've had it done to me AND I happen to have a couple of friends whom I love dearly believe "by any means necessary" is fair in games of love and war. I just think if you allow those suspicions to overshadow your thoughts of anything else, its time to let something or someone go.
So is it possible that my way of thinking is warped? Could be. I have no problem accepting that to be the case. But I also have no problem with this being my life and feeling like no one else is entitled to come through and force me to accept something less then what I need. Notice I didn't say want ;-)
Several months ago a friend of mine was venting about things and people who were offering no value to her life and slowly but surely trimming the excess baggage. At the time I thought her words were crude, but I now fully understand what she was expressing and have come to appreciate the introduction to the lesson that would be drawn upon later. As it applies to me today, I am looking around at people and things myself and not only asking the same question she posed but turning it back on myself. So in the next several weeks I have two things to focus on-what value does this part of the journey add to my life and what value do I add to it. Until next time....journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
Showing posts with label justmythoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label justmythoughts. Show all posts
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Just My Thoughts: If 30 is the New 20, What is 40?
“Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die tomorrow” ~James Dean
It would be a beautiful thing if I could lie down, close my eyes, and go to sleep. But I’m up pondering and questioning my rationale for making certain decisions in life and dreaming. I always go back and forth on the sleep thing, but lately it’s been different. Today I realized that it's due to the fact that this is my year. Not the 2010 everyone's chattering about, but my year to hit a milestone. I turn 40 in July.
Due to this I’ve been rereading my journals, private blogs, goals from a few years ago. Thumbing through my 30s, I noticed a considerable shift in my opinions and acceptance. I’m more of a free thinker and social butterfly but I’m still an introvert. Some refer to this as a change in seasons. I'm thinking I've finally found a good portion of me. And I refer to it as a portion, because I know if blessed to see 50 I’ll think the same thing as my needs will surely continue to change. I also noticed I set targets just as I did with my 30th that I wanted to have accomplished by now. This actually led to an emotional moment I shared with my sister last week in light of another situation that caused me to question myself and God. However she reminded me that the many things I was upset about I had already experienced, so it’s not as though these things never came to fruition. Once I moved the other chaos to the side and refreshed my memory, I once again became okay with my good and bad.
I know me. I know my likes and dislikes. I understand my errors in judgment and why I do what I do. I know when I’m ready and when I’m not. I recognize my strengths and weaknesses. I’m often positive, but stumble into negative. Sometimes confident, other times shy. I’m often very emotional but I refuse to argue, so I can appear cold. I am me. Which brings me to a thin line of acceptance - do I actively and aggressively seek to change these things at 40? And who exactly am I changing to satisfy? Myself?
As a life long learner, I do plan on adding to my dimension, but certain inner findings I believe if addressed too soon will cause the rubber band effect. I will expand for a minute, then eventually return back to my original state or break and be of no real value in that particularly area. Have you ever been around someone that tries TOO HARD? It becomes difficult to believe their sincerity - therefore rendering them useless. I don’t want to fall in that category. So I’ve decided to stop looking at my age and just look at me.
I think one of my greatest strengths is sticking with what comes natural to me and not forcing anything. Some things I’ve tried because honestly, it was suggested to me by someone else. Maybe that defines me as a follower, but maybe it allows me to stand out in being genuine in what I do and believe. I’m not a 100% but I’m not a 50 either. I’ve benefited greatly from those around me, as I’ve been able to see things with a different set of eyes. Whether it be friend or mate, I think each association should add something of value to my life and I their’s. So that’s how my balance is created. Does that mean I’m cleaning house? Quite the contrary, it simply means with each passing day I better understand my and everyone’s role. In other words, I’m playing my position and not concerning myself with the time on the clock. I’ve always admitted to be a dreamer and I try hard not to, but my quote for today is who I am and I don’t believe I’m close to the end of my journey. So I won’t let my age become a deterrent for accepting love, joy, and prosperity in my life. Until next time…journey light.
Luv, peace, and joy in what you do,
E
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Just My Thoughts: 2010 and beyond
Each year as the clock strikes midnight in our respective timezones, millions are prepared to abide by whatever resolution deemed necessary for their personal growth. Most often I hear resolutions based upon the idea that something should be given up. Something that is normally attached to a physical craving such as cigarettes, sweets, sex, etc. I tend to cringe at the perception many people have about resolutions. As many times, they are viewed as an oath made, that once broken seems to no longer be of importance for the balance of the year. But how does one dispose of something supposedly so vital to their growth? And then wait until the next year to start over again? Hmm.....I don't know, but the crazy thing is I've done it myself. So I stopped placing so much importance on resolutions years ago. Afterall a resolution is simply a decision to do something. The action that follows is what gives it value. Therefore the promises we make to ourselves should factor in the possibility of failure IF we presume to believe at 12:01 am on January 1, 20xx, we will never again - smoke, drink, or curse - eat pork, beef or candy - have or participate in lustful thoughts or actions, and so on.
When reassessed regularly, I've found my energies are better utilized setting goals and objectives throughout the year, just as I do for my students. So with that being said, I have considered all the things I hope for and placed them in 4 core concepts for personal growth that I attempt to work on regularly.
1. Improve My Overall Health and Wellness
Last year, I managed to continue working on improving my eating habits and although I stopped going to the gym mid-year, I did get in some alternative ways to work out. My asthma is under control and it doesn't look like I have to go through another surgery for the fibroids. YAY!! So this year, I'm going to get back in the habit of cooking. I'm sure a few of you have something to say....but as I've stated before I can cook-I choose not too. But this time I'm aiming for healthier meals, not the ones I cooked for the ex-hubby & the manchild that had us all gaining more than we should have :). Add to that- those belly dancing classes I've been talking about, and more rock climbing and other outdoor activities. Bottom line -I gotta be like Nike, and Just Do IT!
2. Improve My Finances and Savings
This one did not go so well for 2009. I stepped backwards due to my unscheduled vacation :), but not so far that I can't rebound. Although, I have a considerable chunk missing for the next few months due to the prorate on my contract, I will still be able to pay off my car in the next few months. Which I will continue to drive because I hear it rides much better without a car note! Taking that into consideration, I have implemented a budget that works well and will have me positioned to save even more when my new contract starts. So I will be able to add investing (outside of what my job offers) to this list. Plus I'm planning to move in the next couple of months and I am learning to be more disciplined then I have ever been before.
3. Improve my Spiritual Growth and Giving
If you know me, than you already know my church history (Ex-husband is a minister, Ex-mother-in-law was my Pastor (really still is), I served wherever I needed to, etc) I still find it difficult to find a church HOME, but I did manage to find a place that I love to attend on occasion that welcomes all beliefs and the core is still bible-based. And although, I still find it difficult to regain that level of committment to a building, I've grown in the areas of giving. Which was one of the things I desired to do more of. This year I want to continue in giving more of my time and resources, but I also plan to invest more time in learning about other religions....especially those that divide us. It may not be considered as spiritual growth to some, but I believe to learn and respect another's belief system and take the time to try and find aspects to appreciate aids in spiritual growth, especially in the area of loving each other.
4. Improve My Relationship With Self
I'm still struggling with the practice of placing everyone else's feelings, problems, and needs before my own. I think my largest hurdle was holding onto my son, which I've managed to cross over. I've said before that I have been a friend to some who are not even friends to themselves which tends to leave me in a funk and torn. But I've recently discovered that part of my problem is romanticizing a situation instead of taking it at face value and moving on. Therefore, I have to continue to work on doing those things that allow me to love and enjoy me. In dealing with others, I can and will accept them where they are but I must and will be true to what I want and need. By continuing to improve my relationship with self, I'm ready to move in the direction of fully working on a relationship with someone else.
Note: Goals should be attainable. They should be within reach, so as not to be a road to disappointment. I realize that some of my goals don't have a definitive action or measure. That's by design. My goals are ongoing, as learning is life long. Until the next time.....journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
When reassessed regularly, I've found my energies are better utilized setting goals and objectives throughout the year, just as I do for my students. So with that being said, I have considered all the things I hope for and placed them in 4 core concepts for personal growth that I attempt to work on regularly.
1. Improve My Overall Health and Wellness
Last year, I managed to continue working on improving my eating habits and although I stopped going to the gym mid-year, I did get in some alternative ways to work out. My asthma is under control and it doesn't look like I have to go through another surgery for the fibroids. YAY!! So this year, I'm going to get back in the habit of cooking. I'm sure a few of you have something to say....but as I've stated before I can cook-I choose not too. But this time I'm aiming for healthier meals, not the ones I cooked for the ex-hubby & the manchild that had us all gaining more than we should have :). Add to that- those belly dancing classes I've been talking about, and more rock climbing and other outdoor activities. Bottom line -I gotta be like Nike, and Just Do IT!
2. Improve My Finances and Savings
This one did not go so well for 2009. I stepped backwards due to my unscheduled vacation :), but not so far that I can't rebound. Although, I have a considerable chunk missing for the next few months due to the prorate on my contract, I will still be able to pay off my car in the next few months. Which I will continue to drive because I hear it rides much better without a car note! Taking that into consideration, I have implemented a budget that works well and will have me positioned to save even more when my new contract starts. So I will be able to add investing (outside of what my job offers) to this list. Plus I'm planning to move in the next couple of months and I am learning to be more disciplined then I have ever been before.
3. Improve my Spiritual Growth and Giving
If you know me, than you already know my church history (Ex-husband is a minister, Ex-mother-in-law was my Pastor (really still is), I served wherever I needed to, etc) I still find it difficult to find a church HOME, but I did manage to find a place that I love to attend on occasion that welcomes all beliefs and the core is still bible-based. And although, I still find it difficult to regain that level of committment to a building, I've grown in the areas of giving. Which was one of the things I desired to do more of. This year I want to continue in giving more of my time and resources, but I also plan to invest more time in learning about other religions....especially those that divide us. It may not be considered as spiritual growth to some, but I believe to learn and respect another's belief system and take the time to try and find aspects to appreciate aids in spiritual growth, especially in the area of loving each other.
4. Improve My Relationship With Self
I'm still struggling with the practice of placing everyone else's feelings, problems, and needs before my own. I think my largest hurdle was holding onto my son, which I've managed to cross over. I've said before that I have been a friend to some who are not even friends to themselves which tends to leave me in a funk and torn. But I've recently discovered that part of my problem is romanticizing a situation instead of taking it at face value and moving on. Therefore, I have to continue to work on doing those things that allow me to love and enjoy me. In dealing with others, I can and will accept them where they are but I must and will be true to what I want and need. By continuing to improve my relationship with self, I'm ready to move in the direction of fully working on a relationship with someone else.
Note: Goals should be attainable. They should be within reach, so as not to be a road to disappointment. I realize that some of my goals don't have a definitive action or measure. That's by design. My goals are ongoing, as learning is life long. Until the next time.....journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
Monday, January 4, 2010
Just My Thoughts: 2009 Reflections
As I reviewed my 2008 reflections, I found that I could almost repost it as is. Our economy is still taking hits, high unemployment rates across the nation continue to be an issue, and then there's the worries I have about my only child. And although I dealt with a few personal disappointments myself, such as being unemployed for a short period of time and feeling like I'm having to start over yet again, I've managed to find the silver lining.
For exampe, my resignation from my school district allowed me to be rehired into another assignment I enjoy. My temporary lack of income did not leave me homeless. Although, I've prided myself on a certain amount of independence, moving in with my cousins allowed us to become close again and assist them as well. Which leads to the "forced" independence of my son. lol. I say that because as much as I stood my ground on him moving out, I've wanted to throw him a life jacket on several occasions but couldn't because of my own lack of resources and a place to call my own. In a recent conversation we had, I discovered that he's finally moving in the right direction for him (not for me) and I'm good with knowing he'll be alright.
What I will repeat from that 2008 reflection post that remains the same is this:
.......regardless of these things I still have life and the ability to see the sun rise in the east and set in the west. I was blessed with a son that was designed just for me and not one that has caused me true heartache and pain, but just a few headaches.:)I can never say I haven’t loved or experienced the feeling of being loved. I’ve had the pleasure of knowing both. I have a career that I still love....
Until the next time……journey light.
Love, peace, prosperity, joy, happiness and an abundance of blessings to you and yours,
Erika
For exampe, my resignation from my school district allowed me to be rehired into another assignment I enjoy. My temporary lack of income did not leave me homeless. Although, I've prided myself on a certain amount of independence, moving in with my cousins allowed us to become close again and assist them as well. Which leads to the "forced" independence of my son. lol. I say that because as much as I stood my ground on him moving out, I've wanted to throw him a life jacket on several occasions but couldn't because of my own lack of resources and a place to call my own. In a recent conversation we had, I discovered that he's finally moving in the right direction for him (not for me) and I'm good with knowing he'll be alright.
What I will repeat from that 2008 reflection post that remains the same is this:
.......regardless of these things I still have life and the ability to see the sun rise in the east and set in the west. I was blessed with a son that was designed just for me and not one that has caused me true heartache and pain, but just a few headaches.:)I can never say I haven’t loved or experienced the feeling of being loved. I’ve had the pleasure of knowing both. I have a career that I still love....
Until the next time……journey light.
Love, peace, prosperity, joy, happiness and an abundance of blessings to you and yours,
Erika
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Just My Thoughts: Learning, Living, Loving
Cancer (6/22-7/22)
Today’s horoscope: You will be struck by visions of what can be today -- when you look at a child, you'll see a glimpse of the talented adult they might grow up to become. When you look at an empty lot, you'll see the elaborate mansion that could stand there some day. It's a day of fanciful imagining and creativity, so apply your most positive way of thinking to everything you see. Imagine things the way you want them to be, and you will give the universe some hints to go on.
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Early GM Beautiful...Today I'm grateful for God, His arms, His peace, His voice, and friends who've always been there...you never know what someone else is going through, so try being the smile in the middle of confusion instead of the frown...keep loving one another
Yes, I know I’m a bit early lol. I toke a nap and it was way longer then I intended, which means I’m up and thinking. But I promise to try to make this quick ;-)
The last few days have been up and down for me, yet eye-opening. Often I have to go around the world to process how I need to deal with certain things/people. But I feel like that journey doesn’t take as long as it use too. Well sometimes J. Anywho, I spent some well overdue quality time with my closest friends, had some painful talks, learned about Hajj, experienced the best Sunday worship experience I’ve had in a while, and faced a few fears. But more then that after going through several emotions I’m feeling like I’m learning to put me second when it matters most. Not when it comes to winning friends, but when someone else’s burdens/fears out rank my own. I’ve come to realize more and more with each passing day that everyone is struggling with something and this is not the time to question what or dwell on the past. This is the time to be there if you truly consider them a friend.
I don’t know the specifics of what everyone is going through (I don’t need to). I pray that each of you that reads this (tagged or untagged), find joy in the simple things. Remember those things that made you laugh the hardest or smile the widest. When you find yourself needing to cry, consider your tears as the cleanser your soul, mind, and heart need to make way for something new. Sometimes we need a good cry to purge all the old stuff we’ve been carrying around that is useless or keeps us in pain. I pray that your desire to understand why doesn’t create a feeling of anger that consumes you. I pray that each day you wake with a renewed spirit and mind. And I ask that you do the same for me as these things are easy to say but often difficult to apply to self. This is not specific to any particular religious affiliation. This is about learning, living, and loving. Which brings me to my last request, I ask that you continue to love one another. Love you all. Until next time...journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
Today’s horoscope: You will be struck by visions of what can be today -- when you look at a child, you'll see a glimpse of the talented adult they might grow up to become. When you look at an empty lot, you'll see the elaborate mansion that could stand there some day. It's a day of fanciful imagining and creativity, so apply your most positive way of thinking to everything you see. Imagine things the way you want them to be, and you will give the universe some hints to go on.
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Early GM Beautiful...Today I'm grateful for God, His arms, His peace, His voice, and friends who've always been there...you never know what someone else is going through, so try being the smile in the middle of confusion instead of the frown...keep loving one another
Yes, I know I’m a bit early lol. I toke a nap and it was way longer then I intended, which means I’m up and thinking. But I promise to try to make this quick ;-)
The last few days have been up and down for me, yet eye-opening. Often I have to go around the world to process how I need to deal with certain things/people. But I feel like that journey doesn’t take as long as it use too. Well sometimes J. Anywho, I spent some well overdue quality time with my closest friends, had some painful talks, learned about Hajj, experienced the best Sunday worship experience I’ve had in a while, and faced a few fears. But more then that after going through several emotions I’m feeling like I’m learning to put me second when it matters most. Not when it comes to winning friends, but when someone else’s burdens/fears out rank my own. I’ve come to realize more and more with each passing day that everyone is struggling with something and this is not the time to question what or dwell on the past. This is the time to be there if you truly consider them a friend.
I don’t know the specifics of what everyone is going through (I don’t need to). I pray that each of you that reads this (tagged or untagged), find joy in the simple things. Remember those things that made you laugh the hardest or smile the widest. When you find yourself needing to cry, consider your tears as the cleanser your soul, mind, and heart need to make way for something new. Sometimes we need a good cry to purge all the old stuff we’ve been carrying around that is useless or keeps us in pain. I pray that your desire to understand why doesn’t create a feeling of anger that consumes you. I pray that each day you wake with a renewed spirit and mind. And I ask that you do the same for me as these things are easy to say but often difficult to apply to self. This is not specific to any particular religious affiliation. This is about learning, living, and loving. Which brings me to my last request, I ask that you continue to love one another. Love you all. Until next time...journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
Friday, November 6, 2009
Just My Thoughts: Need to Rearrange Some Things
Cancer (6/22-7/22) You’ve been telling everyone about the new projects you want to start, and everyone has been wonderfully supportive. But today, they might start to get impatient. It's time to get going and put your energy into fulfilling your promises. It's a great day to initiate things anyway, so take advantage of it -- put things in motion! If you don't do it today, you run the very real risk of getting a reputation for being flaky.
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GM Beautiful...Today I'm grateful for God, His love, His protection, His revelation and His messengers…I’m still loving living learning… “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace…”~Reinhold Niebuhr
As a friend advised me, when in doubt refer to that prayer your grandmother and most older folks have posted somewhere in their home, I asked “Are you referring to the Serenity Prayer?” Funny this is the very prayer my dad would refer to when I was going through something. This was mainly because I had a hard time with the ‘accepting’ part. Yes, I realize that’s right at the beginning. Just being real about my progress. So now I’m revisiting the ‘courage to change’ section.
Growing up, my mother maintained a certain level of organization and rearranged the furniture often. When I owned a home, I use to believe I did the same thing because I inherited the constant moving/organizing trait from her. But I later realized that it was simply because I get bored with the same arrangement after some time has passed and the dust has settled.
That boredom often translates into my relationships with others, my career, my spirituality, and my hobbies. But one thing I never seem to bore of is the opportunity for growth. So if all those areas are growing then I’m good. Unfortunately, after taking a long hard look they are not. Because honestly I slow down right near the edge of the runway and hesitate. Maybe it’s because of fear or possibly feeling overwhelmed. Whatever it is, either excuse is not a good one. So after taking a long hard look at where all ‘my stuff’ is currently sitting, I’m finding it’s time to move things around again.
Originally I thought about listing the many projects I have swimming in my head but have yet to begin or complete. Thinking maybe sharing them in a public forum will help me to be accountable. However I decided to only name one as sometimes its not good to reveal what one’s plans are. Because surely someone will throw a monkey wrench in it or a couple of “frenemies” will attempt to talk you out of your plans. So in saying that I decided I’d only share this…..Imma start by having a talk with God. We’re way overdue on a couple of topics and I need him to move the larger pieces that I keep trying to drag around on my on. Otherwise, without him everything will remain scattered and unorganized. Nothing will be where it’s supposed to be and comfort will be hard to come by. Why am I sharing this? Because I’m guessing someone can relate and is wondering where to start in this rearranging process. Not to mention, sometimes it’s just that simple. Until next time...journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
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GM Beautiful...Today I'm grateful for God, His love, His protection, His revelation and His messengers…I’m still loving living learning… “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace…”~Reinhold Niebuhr
As a friend advised me, when in doubt refer to that prayer your grandmother and most older folks have posted somewhere in their home, I asked “Are you referring to the Serenity Prayer?” Funny this is the very prayer my dad would refer to when I was going through something. This was mainly because I had a hard time with the ‘accepting’ part. Yes, I realize that’s right at the beginning. Just being real about my progress. So now I’m revisiting the ‘courage to change’ section.
Growing up, my mother maintained a certain level of organization and rearranged the furniture often. When I owned a home, I use to believe I did the same thing because I inherited the constant moving/organizing trait from her. But I later realized that it was simply because I get bored with the same arrangement after some time has passed and the dust has settled.
That boredom often translates into my relationships with others, my career, my spirituality, and my hobbies. But one thing I never seem to bore of is the opportunity for growth. So if all those areas are growing then I’m good. Unfortunately, after taking a long hard look they are not. Because honestly I slow down right near the edge of the runway and hesitate. Maybe it’s because of fear or possibly feeling overwhelmed. Whatever it is, either excuse is not a good one. So after taking a long hard look at where all ‘my stuff’ is currently sitting, I’m finding it’s time to move things around again.
Originally I thought about listing the many projects I have swimming in my head but have yet to begin or complete. Thinking maybe sharing them in a public forum will help me to be accountable. However I decided to only name one as sometimes its not good to reveal what one’s plans are. Because surely someone will throw a monkey wrench in it or a couple of “frenemies” will attempt to talk you out of your plans. So in saying that I decided I’d only share this…..Imma start by having a talk with God. We’re way overdue on a couple of topics and I need him to move the larger pieces that I keep trying to drag around on my on. Otherwise, without him everything will remain scattered and unorganized. Nothing will be where it’s supposed to be and comfort will be hard to come by. Why am I sharing this? Because I’m guessing someone can relate and is wondering where to start in this rearranging process. Not to mention, sometimes it’s just that simple. Until next time...journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
Monday, November 2, 2009
Just My Thoughts:Tired But Hopeful
Cancer (6/22-7/22)
Today’s Horoscope: You'll have all the energy and opportunity you need to socialize like a pro today, although you might not have as much time as you'd like. It's all about brief, pleasant interludes and snappy comebacks right now. You can save the long, drawn-out conversations for another day. The experiences you have with other people now might feel less substantial, but they are still just as effective at keeping you connected.
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Hey Beautiful…today I'm grateful for the opportunity to see the sun again and another day to get it right....Some things in life may not always turn out the way I hope but it keeps building me and preparing me for the real thing..."The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for" ~Allan Chalmers
Today’s horoscope is a bit off base. Although I have been invited to a couple of football gatherings tonight and there’s a couple of open mics I wouldn’t mind checking out, I’m not feeling like the energy part fits. Today I’m not feeling very energetic. I’m tired. I’m tired of people coming in my life saying one thing and doing the exact opposite once they have my attention. I’m tired of starting over from scratch. I’m tired of my car deciding it’s going to act brand new on the day I need it to be the most dependable. I’m tired of thinking I got life figured out. I’m tired of making mistakes. I’m tired of thinking this time it will be different.
But luckily, regardless of how frustrated I may get or how disillusioned I sometimes feel, I’m glad I’m able to keep standing and that I’m crazy enough to believe that one day everything will fall into place exactly the way I have envisioned it. Because I’m a dreamer, hopeless romantic, believer in people and by nature look for the good in everyone/everything. I guess that explains why I’m a teacher. J So even though I may get tired of many things, these same things are the stepping stones that keep me moving. There was a time not very long ago, I would break down completely, cry a lot in solitude, question why, and even demand an answer from the person I felt could explain it to me or God. But I’ve learned that we all have our trials and errors. No ones immune from life’s changes. Depending on how we each handle these obstacles is what strengthens us or knocks us out. I’m not as strong as I would like to be. As much as I believe in karma and signs, I still ignore some things I know I shouldn’t. And of course that’s when hindsight kicks in and the lesson is learned. Reflection is usually not that hard to do but accepting responsibility is an even more difficult pill to swallow. But the beauty of it all is the ability to look back, accept it for what it is/was, and not hold onto that which will haunt me later. To have the opportunity to sleep peacefully and continue dreaming pleasantly. In other words, keep it moving. So even though I may be tired today of a lot of things, I can’t afford to let it take away my joy nor move me from this phase in my life that has given me much to be thankful for in the midst of several question marks. Until next time….journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
Today’s Horoscope: You'll have all the energy and opportunity you need to socialize like a pro today, although you might not have as much time as you'd like. It's all about brief, pleasant interludes and snappy comebacks right now. You can save the long, drawn-out conversations for another day. The experiences you have with other people now might feel less substantial, but they are still just as effective at keeping you connected.
***********************************************
Hey Beautiful…today I'm grateful for the opportunity to see the sun again and another day to get it right....Some things in life may not always turn out the way I hope but it keeps building me and preparing me for the real thing..."The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for" ~Allan Chalmers
Today’s horoscope is a bit off base. Although I have been invited to a couple of football gatherings tonight and there’s a couple of open mics I wouldn’t mind checking out, I’m not feeling like the energy part fits. Today I’m not feeling very energetic. I’m tired. I’m tired of people coming in my life saying one thing and doing the exact opposite once they have my attention. I’m tired of starting over from scratch. I’m tired of my car deciding it’s going to act brand new on the day I need it to be the most dependable. I’m tired of thinking I got life figured out. I’m tired of making mistakes. I’m tired of thinking this time it will be different.
But luckily, regardless of how frustrated I may get or how disillusioned I sometimes feel, I’m glad I’m able to keep standing and that I’m crazy enough to believe that one day everything will fall into place exactly the way I have envisioned it. Because I’m a dreamer, hopeless romantic, believer in people and by nature look for the good in everyone/everything. I guess that explains why I’m a teacher. J So even though I may get tired of many things, these same things are the stepping stones that keep me moving. There was a time not very long ago, I would break down completely, cry a lot in solitude, question why, and even demand an answer from the person I felt could explain it to me or God. But I’ve learned that we all have our trials and errors. No ones immune from life’s changes. Depending on how we each handle these obstacles is what strengthens us or knocks us out. I’m not as strong as I would like to be. As much as I believe in karma and signs, I still ignore some things I know I shouldn’t. And of course that’s when hindsight kicks in and the lesson is learned. Reflection is usually not that hard to do but accepting responsibility is an even more difficult pill to swallow. But the beauty of it all is the ability to look back, accept it for what it is/was, and not hold onto that which will haunt me later. To have the opportunity to sleep peacefully and continue dreaming pleasantly. In other words, keep it moving. So even though I may be tired today of a lot of things, I can’t afford to let it take away my joy nor move me from this phase in my life that has given me much to be thankful for in the midst of several question marks. Until next time….journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Just My Thoughts: Looking Forward to Something Big
Cancer (6/22-7/22)
Today’s Horoscope: Intriguing new ideas are introduced into your usual way of thinking, and these developments point the way to plenty of renewal. This comes as no surprise to you -- your excellent instincts could tell that something big was coming down the pike. You may be surprised that you feel some hesitancy, but it's understandable. After all, saying yes to one thing means saying no to another -- or does it? Take a step back from the fast pace to reflect on your choices.
*****
GM Beautiful...today I'm grateful for God's comforting embrace, another day to live better than before, challenges that build character & strength, loving for no reason, and this journey full of surprises...I may be a little bruised, but I'm surely not broken..."The soul enjoys the body in its pleasures and takes over to heal it in its illnesses" ~Marsilio Ficino
*****
What’s funny about horoscopes is that just like having your fortune read you can make it fit anyone’s life regardless of having any true insight into what they are going through. So why do I read them? Because it makes me stop and assess where I’ve been and where I’m going. Isn’t that what we do when presented a scripture, affirmation, thought of the day? No matter the source I take it as a time to reflect. So today I’m reflecting on choices.
During the past few month’s I’ve said yes/no and later questioned “Did I choose wisely?” In August, I resigned. That was not necessarily a decision. I knew in May that I could lose my job if my certification was not renewed in time. The route I decided to take afterwards was where the decision making began. I decided to deal with each day as it came. I decided I didn’t want to return to BMS. I decided the delay was a sign to move on. And although I’m not receiving any unemployment benefits, when told my position was still vacant and my certificate was once again valid, I continued to hold to my decision that returning to BMS was not the answer. Some called it prideful. Not really. True I hadn’t saved wisely, nor could I afford a pay cut. So going back seemed like the right idea. The economy is in bad shape and teaching is a considered a secure job. But I didn’t begin teaching for job security. However, I couldn’t help but admit that the last couple of years that even though I would return to work excited and motivated, by mid-year I was ready to transfer and then eventually settled for staying put. I had become complacent and confined to just being comfortable. So this seemed like the shake up I needed but hadn’t asked for. Therefore I continued to plan my next few steps as if everything was in order. I continued to live. In late August, I received a phone call to return to Atlanta Public Schools to teach in another location. I said yes and was relieved to know I wouldn’t have to be out of work long and no pay cut. YAY! However, I had not prepared myself for the time it would take to be rehired. This is where some of the steps became tricky, sometimes depressing. I had friends/family going through too so I was reminded not to complain. There were several times when I wanted to. However, every time the urge came about, someone near or far stepped in to help me keep it together.
As much as I know this to be true, God has truly shown me how he works through others. So what if all my plans did not work the way I thought they would, I was placed where I believe I was suppose to be. So in questioning did I choose wisely, I believe I did. I believe I’m well on my way to the “something big” now. I had just enough time to step out in another arena and see how I can combine my two loves. Now I just have to make it happen. And today I will finally be going to APS to update my fingerprints so I can get back to work.
Sitting here now I realize I took that pay cut after all, in order to get a raise in spirit and in faith. Until next time….journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
Today’s Horoscope: Intriguing new ideas are introduced into your usual way of thinking, and these developments point the way to plenty of renewal. This comes as no surprise to you -- your excellent instincts could tell that something big was coming down the pike. You may be surprised that you feel some hesitancy, but it's understandable. After all, saying yes to one thing means saying no to another -- or does it? Take a step back from the fast pace to reflect on your choices.
*****
GM Beautiful...today I'm grateful for God's comforting embrace, another day to live better than before, challenges that build character & strength, loving for no reason, and this journey full of surprises...I may be a little bruised, but I'm surely not broken..."The soul enjoys the body in its pleasures and takes over to heal it in its illnesses" ~Marsilio Ficino
*****
What’s funny about horoscopes is that just like having your fortune read you can make it fit anyone’s life regardless of having any true insight into what they are going through. So why do I read them? Because it makes me stop and assess where I’ve been and where I’m going. Isn’t that what we do when presented a scripture, affirmation, thought of the day? No matter the source I take it as a time to reflect. So today I’m reflecting on choices.
During the past few month’s I’ve said yes/no and later questioned “Did I choose wisely?” In August, I resigned. That was not necessarily a decision. I knew in May that I could lose my job if my certification was not renewed in time. The route I decided to take afterwards was where the decision making began. I decided to deal with each day as it came. I decided I didn’t want to return to BMS. I decided the delay was a sign to move on. And although I’m not receiving any unemployment benefits, when told my position was still vacant and my certificate was once again valid, I continued to hold to my decision that returning to BMS was not the answer. Some called it prideful. Not really. True I hadn’t saved wisely, nor could I afford a pay cut. So going back seemed like the right idea. The economy is in bad shape and teaching is a considered a secure job. But I didn’t begin teaching for job security. However, I couldn’t help but admit that the last couple of years that even though I would return to work excited and motivated, by mid-year I was ready to transfer and then eventually settled for staying put. I had become complacent and confined to just being comfortable. So this seemed like the shake up I needed but hadn’t asked for. Therefore I continued to plan my next few steps as if everything was in order. I continued to live. In late August, I received a phone call to return to Atlanta Public Schools to teach in another location. I said yes and was relieved to know I wouldn’t have to be out of work long and no pay cut. YAY! However, I had not prepared myself for the time it would take to be rehired. This is where some of the steps became tricky, sometimes depressing. I had friends/family going through too so I was reminded not to complain. There were several times when I wanted to. However, every time the urge came about, someone near or far stepped in to help me keep it together.
As much as I know this to be true, God has truly shown me how he works through others. So what if all my plans did not work the way I thought they would, I was placed where I believe I was suppose to be. So in questioning did I choose wisely, I believe I did. I believe I’m well on my way to the “something big” now. I had just enough time to step out in another arena and see how I can combine my two loves. Now I just have to make it happen. And today I will finally be going to APS to update my fingerprints so I can get back to work.
Sitting here now I realize I took that pay cut after all, in order to get a raise in spirit and in faith. Until next time….journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
Monday, October 12, 2009
Just My Thoughts: The Perils of Dating Again...Ready or Not?
Cancer (6/22-7/22)
Be careful about how much you rely on your instincts today. Because they are based so much on emotions -- and your emotions right now are rapidly fluctuating -- they could be somewhat unreliable. Stick to the facts and if they aren't leading you anywhere concrete, then hold off making any big decisions. Wait for another day, when your head is clearer. Step back, and give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel today without the pressure of it affecting your decision-making abilities.
This little tidbit of advice could represent my next few weeks instead of one day. I know me well enough to admit that I often tap into emotion first. So giving myself permission to feel whatever I feel - Am I really ready to do this dating thing again?? Because that is the one emotion that has been bouncing around lately - my desire to connect with someone I can laugh with, share with, trust, etc. However my thoughts of dating come just like the breeze and change just as fast. I'm finding myself asking many what ifs, couldas, shouldas. Why did I get married and why did I get divorced? Although I know the answer to both. And recognizing the sentimental nature of it all, I remind myself that was a season in my life that provided me with many lessons to carry forward. As we enter into fall/winter, it's just something about this time of year that does that to me. And those damn Publix commercials with the big happy grinning from ear to ear families coming together for a grand holiday meal don't help! I don't see my family as much as I would like and I'm forced to admit as glad as I am that the manchild is out the house, I miss his years as my baby :-( Yes I'm having a moment.
Anywho, so I know even this particular emotion is somewhat seasonal. A couple of years ago I talked about this in another blog, met someone, dated him for a year and we split a year ago. I have been enjoying my time with me, but as I slow down and have way to much time to think, this is what I come up with. And why is that? Because I'm now entering the dating season (October - April). Now if you live up north, your season began in September, so you're a lil' late but due to unpredictably long azz winters, you still have a considerable amount of time to implement whatever plan you have put together. So get 'er going.
See I like hibernating and lose the desire to leave the house as much. I actually cook during this time of the year. Sidenote: I never said I can't cook, I just don't do it anymore. Plus I would rather engage in some type of indoor sport/activity. You know, chess, dominoes, scrabble, operation, or whatever you choose to call it ;-) Now this does not mean, once the spring/summer comes back around, I'll have no use for a brotha, and immediately find reasons to revert back to singlehood. On the contrary, I believe I'm ready for something sincere and longterm. Someone that will share in the summer's festivities and the one after that. Someone who doesn't mind if we actually have activities we share and don't share. Because I do have 'space' issues. The older I get the better I am with knowing what I can and cannot do. I'm just not keen on any talk of marriage (got that t-shirt) or the spreading of one's seed (got that one too). Therefore if the "Yes, We're On the Same Page" code is violated, the abrupt deletion of any and all a brotha's personal info will be initiated. Just saying.
Now if I don't meet anyone or it just doesn't gel, that's fine too. Like the menfolk, I will welcome with open arms another beautiful summer of being footloose and fancyfree. No need in letting a good summer go to waste, especially when that's my downtime. And nope, I don't think I'm all that. I'm good for some, but not for others. Vice versa. I just see no need in attaching myself to someone for the sake of having someone. That's a recipe for misery. If its just a matter of companionship, I can always go by the humane society and pick up a new friend. My issue is what to do? I don't know where to start and I HATE the process. I wish I could be like another friend who has adopted a new conservation/dating policy of "reduce, recycle, reuse. But my ex-s are ex-s for a reason and limited. Out of the two, I dated seriously since my divorce...the first poured bleach all over the next girlfriend's clothing and in her mouthwash (how do I know? small world) and well the other just might be reading this right now. Did I mention I'm a little afraid to date too? Plus I seem to be in the awkward position of what can be a considered a mixed blessing. A male friend refers to me as a 20-40, because I'm often told that I look much younger than I am. Therefore I seem to be approached by men who are way younger, childless, want kids, etc. Our needs don't mesh, experiences are totally different. Then there are those that are about my age or older who just tend to bore the hell out of me or want someone much younger to play with. Which takes me back to what do I do?? I don't believe in searching but I'm thinking I might need to position myself on the field a little better. Help! Until next time.....journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
Be careful about how much you rely on your instincts today. Because they are based so much on emotions -- and your emotions right now are rapidly fluctuating -- they could be somewhat unreliable. Stick to the facts and if they aren't leading you anywhere concrete, then hold off making any big decisions. Wait for another day, when your head is clearer. Step back, and give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel today without the pressure of it affecting your decision-making abilities.
This little tidbit of advice could represent my next few weeks instead of one day. I know me well enough to admit that I often tap into emotion first. So giving myself permission to feel whatever I feel - Am I really ready to do this dating thing again?? Because that is the one emotion that has been bouncing around lately - my desire to connect with someone I can laugh with, share with, trust, etc. However my thoughts of dating come just like the breeze and change just as fast. I'm finding myself asking many what ifs, couldas, shouldas. Why did I get married and why did I get divorced? Although I know the answer to both. And recognizing the sentimental nature of it all, I remind myself that was a season in my life that provided me with many lessons to carry forward. As we enter into fall/winter, it's just something about this time of year that does that to me. And those damn Publix commercials with the big happy grinning from ear to ear families coming together for a grand holiday meal don't help! I don't see my family as much as I would like and I'm forced to admit as glad as I am that the manchild is out the house, I miss his years as my baby :-( Yes I'm having a moment.
Anywho, so I know even this particular emotion is somewhat seasonal. A couple of years ago I talked about this in another blog, met someone, dated him for a year and we split a year ago. I have been enjoying my time with me, but as I slow down and have way to much time to think, this is what I come up with. And why is that? Because I'm now entering the dating season (October - April). Now if you live up north, your season began in September, so you're a lil' late but due to unpredictably long azz winters, you still have a considerable amount of time to implement whatever plan you have put together. So get 'er going.
See I like hibernating and lose the desire to leave the house as much. I actually cook during this time of the year. Sidenote: I never said I can't cook, I just don't do it anymore. Plus I would rather engage in some type of indoor sport/activity. You know, chess, dominoes, scrabble, operation, or whatever you choose to call it ;-) Now this does not mean, once the spring/summer comes back around, I'll have no use for a brotha, and immediately find reasons to revert back to singlehood. On the contrary, I believe I'm ready for something sincere and longterm. Someone that will share in the summer's festivities and the one after that. Someone who doesn't mind if we actually have activities we share and don't share. Because I do have 'space' issues. The older I get the better I am with knowing what I can and cannot do. I'm just not keen on any talk of marriage (got that t-shirt) or the spreading of one's seed (got that one too). Therefore if the "Yes, We're On the Same Page" code is violated, the abrupt deletion of any and all a brotha's personal info will be initiated. Just saying.
Now if I don't meet anyone or it just doesn't gel, that's fine too. Like the menfolk, I will welcome with open arms another beautiful summer of being footloose and fancyfree. No need in letting a good summer go to waste, especially when that's my downtime. And nope, I don't think I'm all that. I'm good for some, but not for others. Vice versa. I just see no need in attaching myself to someone for the sake of having someone. That's a recipe for misery. If its just a matter of companionship, I can always go by the humane society and pick up a new friend. My issue is what to do? I don't know where to start and I HATE the process. I wish I could be like another friend who has adopted a new conservation/dating policy of "reduce, recycle, reuse. But my ex-s are ex-s for a reason and limited. Out of the two, I dated seriously since my divorce...the first poured bleach all over the next girlfriend's clothing and in her mouthwash (how do I know? small world) and well the other just might be reading this right now. Did I mention I'm a little afraid to date too? Plus I seem to be in the awkward position of what can be a considered a mixed blessing. A male friend refers to me as a 20-40, because I'm often told that I look much younger than I am. Therefore I seem to be approached by men who are way younger, childless, want kids, etc. Our needs don't mesh, experiences are totally different. Then there are those that are about my age or older who just tend to bore the hell out of me or want someone much younger to play with. Which takes me back to what do I do?? I don't believe in searching but I'm thinking I might need to position myself on the field a little better. Help! Until next time.....journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Just My Thoughts: Life Happens, But Not Always With You In the Plan.....10.6.09
Hey Beautiful Ones,
For several months I have maintained the "I'm grateful anyhow-it's gonna be alright-this too shall pass" attitude. However, a couple of Sundays ago, like a plane out of fuel, things came to a screeching halt and I crashed. I'm not upset or saddened about where I am now because I believe all that positive energy I stored up from June until now was necessary for this next chapter in my life. I have also been blessed to come in contact with several beautiful people through events, chance encounters and social networking. Either way, many of them or shall I say their words, quotes, thoughts to the masses (that felt like it was specifically written for me)are part of that energy that helps me now. But eventually there comes a time when I must take a step back, stand alone, and make choices that no one else can make for me. That is where I am now. This point and the next one I'm about to make was further confirmed for me on Sunday.
I'm finding a few people coming at me with questions or assumptions that truly don't want the responses I'm prepared to give them. Somewhere in this journey they have come to believe that their position in my life is long term or more personal than it really is. As social as I can be, I'm still very much a person who loves her time alone and enjoys an extremely small group of close friends way more than a room full of people I just met. With that being said, I came to acknowledge with my ex-husband, my son's father and other people who play/played a significant role in my life a lesson first introduced to me through "Until Today" & "Acts of Faith". These two books written by Iyanla Vanzant are ones that I dig out often to rejuvenate my senses. And if you are one of the few that truly know me, then you know what I'm about to say next *smile*.....
"People come into your life for a reason, season, and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do" ~Michelle Ventor
Once you acknowledge that, you'll know how to interact with them (and me) in the future. So such is life, but not always with you in mine or I in yours. There is no magic formula to figuring out who fits where. It only takes a little reflection, not to be confused with reminiscing. Since reminiscing allows you only to take things at surface value, while reflection actually requires thinking along with that occasional stroll down memory lane. Otherwise we may find ourselves making people intended only to be temporary into permanent fixtures. So who's fault is it really, when you become frustrated and exhausted beyond consoling?? Hmm...just something to think about....until the next time.....journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings
E
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I saw this poem years ago, but there is much debate about who is the author...
For several months I have maintained the "I'm grateful anyhow-it's gonna be alright-this too shall pass" attitude. However, a couple of Sundays ago, like a plane out of fuel, things came to a screeching halt and I crashed. I'm not upset or saddened about where I am now because I believe all that positive energy I stored up from June until now was necessary for this next chapter in my life. I have also been blessed to come in contact with several beautiful people through events, chance encounters and social networking. Either way, many of them or shall I say their words, quotes, thoughts to the masses (that felt like it was specifically written for me)are part of that energy that helps me now. But eventually there comes a time when I must take a step back, stand alone, and make choices that no one else can make for me. That is where I am now. This point and the next one I'm about to make was further confirmed for me on Sunday.
I'm finding a few people coming at me with questions or assumptions that truly don't want the responses I'm prepared to give them. Somewhere in this journey they have come to believe that their position in my life is long term or more personal than it really is. As social as I can be, I'm still very much a person who loves her time alone and enjoys an extremely small group of close friends way more than a room full of people I just met. With that being said, I came to acknowledge with my ex-husband, my son's father and other people who play/played a significant role in my life a lesson first introduced to me through "Until Today" & "Acts of Faith". These two books written by Iyanla Vanzant are ones that I dig out often to rejuvenate my senses. And if you are one of the few that truly know me, then you know what I'm about to say next *smile*.....
"People come into your life for a reason, season, and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do" ~Michelle Ventor
Once you acknowledge that, you'll know how to interact with them (and me) in the future. So such is life, but not always with you in mine or I in yours. There is no magic formula to figuring out who fits where. It only takes a little reflection, not to be confused with reminiscing. Since reminiscing allows you only to take things at surface value, while reflection actually requires thinking along with that occasional stroll down memory lane. Otherwise we may find ourselves making people intended only to be temporary into permanent fixtures. So who's fault is it really, when you become frustrated and exhausted beyond consoling?? Hmm...just something to think about....until the next time.....journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings
E
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I saw this poem years ago, but there is much debate about who is the author...
A Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime
When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically,emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reasonyou need them to be.
Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realise is that our need has been met, ourdesire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer yousent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON . . .Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in allother relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
~Author Unknown.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Just My Thoughts: Honey, Did You Try That Door?
Cancer (6/22-7/22)
You're feeling bright and hopeful today, so you can't let anything or anyone put a damper on your positive attitude! Avoid situations where you'll be forced to argue or even disagree with others. When you think good things will happen, they are more likely to happen -- the universe can get the hint when you project positive energy out into the world. Soon, you can expect a good opportunity to come your way, so get ready to get busy on a project that could bring you more money.
Today's Quote: When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us ~ Alexander Graham Bell
Hey Beautiful Ones,
As you can see I'm still up and during times like this, my brain runs on autopilot while my body says "Maybe we should go to sleep" :) So I ignored all that and decided to check out my horoscope. As I've mentioned before, I don't follow it daily and it only registers with me when I can find a positive message in it. So of course I haven't read it since my post on trust.
Anywho, this one has me wondering how many times have you looked up to ask yourself, "Why did that happen?" or even "When did that happen?" only to find that your query goes unanswered because you are concentrating too hard on the problem and how to get things back on track.
All too often when things go awry in my life, I have found myself focusing on the problem vs. the reason it NEEDED to happen. Huh? Did you assume I was going to say "vs. the solution"? I'm sorry. No my love, I said it the way I intended. Most of the time my first reaction to what I think is an issue is "How can I hurry up and fix this?" But I'm learning that all things can't be corrected and most likely have occured by design. Hence, one door closing while another opens. However, it is sometimes very difficult to see that in the beginning. Since, I am somewhat of a perfectionist and hate feeling like I failed, I find myself deliberating over situations longer than I should. Sometimes giving more attention to something or someone, who in turn cannot give that same level of attention back. Only to realize days later that there was a reason why that particular situation or circumcstance occurred. And once I realize that, I must let go. Hmm, let go......can i switch gears for a moment.......
When my dad taught me how to ride a bike, I remember vividly how he gripped the back of the seat and walked alongside me down the sidewalk. But when I got to the top of the driveway, heading toward the street.......he let go. Y'all know I fell right? He helped me up and stated "Now that you know what it feels like, you got that part out of the way and we can learn how to ride this bike." For those that may think this cruel, I'm the oldest and he has no boys. Trial and error baby. When I say my dad may have something to do with my sister's and my short attention span for bullsh*t, opinionated dispositions, and the like, that may be a bit of an understatement. LOL.....but the fact that he allowed me to fall did not deter me from trying again nor figuring out that I may fail today but the next day, oh just wait and see, that day will have a different ending.
Sometimes, a quick solution is not the key to happiness at all. The truth is we have to be honest with ourselves and ask "When that door was made available to me did I pay attention enough to use it?" It is understandable that vision's can be clouded due to stress, anxiety, or simply a desire to be loved allowing us to see something that isn't. But, now we must take the time to see something different and walk into it. You never know it may be the smile you need to brighten your day. Until we meet again......journey light.
Luv, peace, and clarity,
E
Monday, April 20, 2009
Just My Thoughts: Sharing Philosophies....A Matter of Trust
Today's Horoscope ~ Today is about taking the time you need to establish things -- instead of just trying something for fifteen minutes, you need to delve in and make more of a commitment. This applies to growing relationships, improving your career options, and just entertaining yourself. Don't just send a flirty email to that person you're into. Call them up and get a deeper conversation going. Share your philosophy and they will share theirs with you. This will be a good way to spend the day.
Today’s Quote ~"To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved" George MacDonald
So the last couple of days I have been on an emotional rollercoaster. Part of it can be attributed to my current hyper-hormonal state :) but the other, hmm. Let's just say it’s a matter of where to place people in my life, far or near. This is not a matter of love, but a matter of trust.
Ever since I can remember, I have formed my friendships much like I did my intimate relationships, with only those I can trust. If I thought you were a liar, backstabber, cheater, etc, I would simply keep it moving, feeling as though you had no place in my circle. After all if I were a witness to you committing these acts against others, then eventually I believed you would do it to me. That actually still holds true for some things. J But I would take it a step further, going by what I “thought” or “sensed” vs. what I actually experienced or had evidence of from personal experiences. I carried that attitude through high school and college, to later learn that we were all trying to find ourselves and I was in no position to tell someone else what I thought of them. Especially since the majority of the time, I handled it in an immature manner. During the balance of my twenties and early thirties, I didn't seek out friends because I had my family, my ex's family, and my church family to fill my social circle. At the time, I felt content, never realizing the true potential and wealth of knowledge that is derived from conversing with those outside my comfort zone. However, while going through my divorce, I found the need to embrace a new chapter in my life, make my own friends and in all honesty - fuck what somebody else thinks of the people I choose to I deal with and who I call friend. However, the one thing I still to this day use as my barometer for benefit or bullshit is trust? Because I believe trusting a person, far out ranks anything else when it comes to dealing with someone whether they be man or woman. A person may love you and lie to you to spare your feelings, but a person who is truthful even if it hurts a little I trust him/her not to let me go off into the wilderness alone. So my decision to keep you far or near is still “Can I trust you?” I mean if I were talking freely with you about my personal opinions and thoughts......can I trust that you won't judge me? If I fell ill and needed someone by my side......can I trust that you'll be there to help me? If I shared with you my secret inhibitions and desires........can I trust you not to manipulate me to serve your own needs? If I shared with you my goals and dreams.......can I trust you not to rain on my parade? If I were headed in the wrong direction.......can I trust you to turn me around? If I said or did the wrong thing.........can I trust you to be a true friend and let me know how I erred instead of letting it fester or sounding off to someone else?
Bottom line: Can I trust you? Because if I can’t, it would be hard for me to be around you, be me, and speak freely without wondering are you just here for this part of the ride or do you plan to always be in my corner? Because those I call true friends, know I’m in theirs. Until the next time…..journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
Today’s Quote ~"To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved" George MacDonald
So the last couple of days I have been on an emotional rollercoaster. Part of it can be attributed to my current hyper-hormonal state :) but the other, hmm. Let's just say it’s a matter of where to place people in my life, far or near. This is not a matter of love, but a matter of trust.
Ever since I can remember, I have formed my friendships much like I did my intimate relationships, with only those I can trust. If I thought you were a liar, backstabber, cheater, etc, I would simply keep it moving, feeling as though you had no place in my circle. After all if I were a witness to you committing these acts against others, then eventually I believed you would do it to me. That actually still holds true for some things. J But I would take it a step further, going by what I “thought” or “sensed” vs. what I actually experienced or had evidence of from personal experiences. I carried that attitude through high school and college, to later learn that we were all trying to find ourselves and I was in no position to tell someone else what I thought of them. Especially since the majority of the time, I handled it in an immature manner. During the balance of my twenties and early thirties, I didn't seek out friends because I had my family, my ex's family, and my church family to fill my social circle. At the time, I felt content, never realizing the true potential and wealth of knowledge that is derived from conversing with those outside my comfort zone. However, while going through my divorce, I found the need to embrace a new chapter in my life, make my own friends and in all honesty - fuck what somebody else thinks of the people I choose to I deal with and who I call friend. However, the one thing I still to this day use as my barometer for benefit or bullshit is trust? Because I believe trusting a person, far out ranks anything else when it comes to dealing with someone whether they be man or woman. A person may love you and lie to you to spare your feelings, but a person who is truthful even if it hurts a little I trust him/her not to let me go off into the wilderness alone. So my decision to keep you far or near is still “Can I trust you?” I mean if I were talking freely with you about my personal opinions and thoughts......can I trust that you won't judge me? If I fell ill and needed someone by my side......can I trust that you'll be there to help me? If I shared with you my secret inhibitions and desires........can I trust you not to manipulate me to serve your own needs? If I shared with you my goals and dreams.......can I trust you not to rain on my parade? If I were headed in the wrong direction.......can I trust you to turn me around? If I said or did the wrong thing.........can I trust you to be a true friend and let me know how I erred instead of letting it fester or sounding off to someone else?
Bottom line: Can I trust you? Because if I can’t, it would be hard for me to be around you, be me, and speak freely without wondering are you just here for this part of the ride or do you plan to always be in my corner? Because those I call true friends, know I’m in theirs. Until the next time…..journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Just My Thoughts: Positivism
Today's Horoscope:
Cancer (6/22-7/22)Your friends are adding a lot of positivism to your life right now -- and they represent the answer to the puzzle you've been trying to figure out. One of them also has an excellent idea that can help you initiate a new plan of action for that latest goal. They know how to turn on the ambitious part of your brain and get you to see the endless possibilities that are around you. Call them up today and make plans for lunch or brunch. Pick their brain and get the energy you need.
**Hmm, I'm thinking I need to call/text/email Smoochie, Tiff, or Tommy cuz according to this, one of y'all have a word for me :)***
Good Morning Beautiful,
Yes I'm talking to you! and you over there too! So go get that cup of coffee and pay attention! LOL. I normally don't follow horoscopes, but every now and then I will see something that peeks my interest and drives me. I know many balk at horoscopes as superstitious mumbo jumbo, but I think its all about perception. I believe IF there is a positive message in it - it will activate you to gravitate toward the prediction presented making it your reality. In other words, the horoscope's message does not become true until you act upon it. And I'm not mad at today's message :)
One of my goals this year (and every year) is to improve my finances and savings. Last week I attended my Girls Just Wanna Have Funds meetup and the topic was "Multiple Streams of Income" or what most of us refer to as a side hustle. One of my friends, is probably the master at this concept and she regularly blogs about finance and how to take it to the next level. Well with this particular meeting, I went in already armed with several ideas but left with the attitude that this is the time to turn my aspirations into action! Therefore, one of the first things I decided was I must rededicate myself to what I'm currently doing, which is teaching. I love what I do and believe there is a way to work certain aspects of it into my future endeavors.
This may not be the case for a lot of people. Most of us will become bogged down in the routine of our jobs and despise it later. As for me, I have a love/hate relationship with my school and still see the possibilities and I am ready to move on. However, I believe in order to do so I need to master my current career while preparing to transition into another. I must go in with the attitude that "Today will be different", because that attitude will help me to endure the disappointments that come with doing my own thing. Therefore, if I make what I'm doing right now easier, my mind will be free to focus my attention on planning my future. Not just going to school to secure another degree to increase my pay, but tapping into resources that will increase my happiness and fulfill my ambitions. Although, I wanted to change schools, I do not want to make moves simply because the "grass looks greener". I want those changes to come because I see the rewards and have a true desire that I am willing to work at diligently. I no longer want to just be good at what I do, but take hold of my own ideas, cultivate them and watch them grow. Until the next time.......journey light.
Luv, peace, and fulfillment,
E
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Just My Thoughts:Perfecting My Shine for '09
Each year as the clock strikes midnight in our respective timezones, millions are prepared to abide by whatever resolution deemed necessary for their personal growth. Most often I hear resolutions based upon the idea that something should be given up. Something that is normally attached to a physical craving such as cigarettes, sweets, sex, etc. I tend to cringe at the perception many people have about resolutions. As many times, they are viewed as an oath made, that once broken seems to no longer be of importance for the balance of the year. But how does one dispose of something supposedly so vital to their growth? And then wait until the next year to start over again? Hmm.....I don't know, but the crazy thing is I've done it myself. So I stopped placing so much importance on resolutions years ago. Afterall a resolution is simply a decision to do something. The action that follows is what gives it value. Therefore the promises we make to ourselves should factor in the possibility of failure IF we presume to believe at 12:01 am on January 1, 20xx, we will never again - smoke, drink, or curse - eat pork, beef or candy - have or participate in lustful thoughts or actions, and so on.
When reassessed regularly, I've found my energies are better utilized setting goals and objectives throughout the year, just as I do for my students. Taking a page from my friend's blog, Mia's Misadventures Continues..... I decided to truly think about the goals I want to meet by year's end and post them here. So with that being said, I have considered all the things I hope for and placed them in 4 core concepts for personal growth.
1. Improve My Overall Health and Wellness
Last year, I had surgery to remove an ovarian cyst that was 11.0 x 10.3 x 10.5 cm when discovered in May but a little larger by the time I had the procedure. Along with it, was another tumor in the tube leading to the opposite ovary. I opted to have my doctor only remove what was necessary, leaving me with the option to have another child(with another procedure), but moreso to avoid going into menopause. Therefore, I still have the fibroids that cause me some unexplicable pain at times. I'm also asthmatic, which my body reminded me of not too long ago. However both can be managed if I do my part.
2. Improve My Finances and Savings
Due to the fact that my son graduated from highschool (YAY) last year, I am catapulted into the singles tax bracket (BOO) this year. So I have been making adjustments in preparation for that, along with everything going on with our economy. Plus, I'm still recovering from various financial woes that seem to hit at once (foreclosure, taxes, and ancient student loans). Whew, thank goodness I had a good healthcare plan. As you can see, I have a long journey ahead of me.
3. Improve my Spiritual Growth and Giving
Prior to being married and while married, I was very committed to my church. Since my mother-in-law was my Pastor (really still is), my divorce not only separated me from my husband, but also my church and church family. Although I have went to other churches, I've found it difficult to regain that level of committment and quite honestly, I can't say that I'm looking to do so. I am a believer of God, but I also know that there are a number of avenues to practice my beliefs without having to attend church services weekly. I'm not ruling church out, just thinking I can utilize some of my time in other ways.
4. Improve My Relationship With Self
For the longest time, I have been in the practice of placing everyone else's feelings, problems, and needs before my own. I have been a friend to some who are not even friends to themselves. I have overextended myself to the point of becoming depressed and eventually shutting myself off to everyone around me. By design, I understand that women are nurturers. But now, I really don't have anyone to be responsible for but myself and I intend to truly love and enjoy me.
When reassessed regularly, I've found my energies are better utilized setting goals and objectives throughout the year, just as I do for my students. Taking a page from my friend's blog, Mia's Misadventures Continues..... I decided to truly think about the goals I want to meet by year's end and post them here. So with that being said, I have considered all the things I hope for and placed them in 4 core concepts for personal growth.
1. Improve My Overall Health and Wellness
Last year, I had surgery to remove an ovarian cyst that was 11.0 x 10.3 x 10.5 cm when discovered in May but a little larger by the time I had the procedure. Along with it, was another tumor in the tube leading to the opposite ovary. I opted to have my doctor only remove what was necessary, leaving me with the option to have another child(with another procedure), but moreso to avoid going into menopause. Therefore, I still have the fibroids that cause me some unexplicable pain at times. I'm also asthmatic, which my body reminded me of not too long ago. However both can be managed if I do my part.
2. Improve My Finances and Savings
Due to the fact that my son graduated from highschool (YAY) last year, I am catapulted into the singles tax bracket (BOO) this year. So I have been making adjustments in preparation for that, along with everything going on with our economy. Plus, I'm still recovering from various financial woes that seem to hit at once (foreclosure, taxes, and ancient student loans). Whew, thank goodness I had a good healthcare plan. As you can see, I have a long journey ahead of me.
3. Improve my Spiritual Growth and Giving
Prior to being married and while married, I was very committed to my church. Since my mother-in-law was my Pastor (really still is), my divorce not only separated me from my husband, but also my church and church family. Although I have went to other churches, I've found it difficult to regain that level of committment and quite honestly, I can't say that I'm looking to do so. I am a believer of God, but I also know that there are a number of avenues to practice my beliefs without having to attend church services weekly. I'm not ruling church out, just thinking I can utilize some of my time in other ways.
4. Improve My Relationship With Self
For the longest time, I have been in the practice of placing everyone else's feelings, problems, and needs before my own. I have been a friend to some who are not even friends to themselves. I have overextended myself to the point of becoming depressed and eventually shutting myself off to everyone around me. By design, I understand that women are nurturers. But now, I really don't have anyone to be responsible for but myself and I intend to truly love and enjoy me.
When setting goals, I must restate what Tiff mentioned in her blog. Goals should be attainable. They should be within reach, so as not to be a road to disappointment. I realize that none of my goals have a definitive action or measure. That's by design. My goals are ongoing and reached through objectives. I will be sharing my objectives, the means by which I plan to achieve each goal, as the year progresses. At the end, I will be able to list what I achieved vs. what I didn't. Until the next time.....journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Just My Thoughts: 2008 Reflections
As the year comes to an end, I am reminded that allowing one door to close will also make way for another to be opened. With that in mind, I, like so many others, desire to make the changes necessary to facilitate a 2009 that will surpass my 2008. Although the year may have included such disappointments as the failure of our economic structure and increases in the unemployment rate, for many of my family and friends blessings were in abundance. My mom purchased a home. My son graduated high school. Several of my friends became engaged (some to each other). Job promotions took others across town and even across the country. New love flourished for quite a few. New life is taking shape in the body of a two. And yet another set sail for Harvard to pursue her aspirations.
I could dwell on my son not exactly following the path I desired for him or even the short period of time that I was without a home. I could complain about the confirmation of not being able to have another child and the surgery that went along with it. Or maybe I could rant about my failed relationship and job woes. But I won’t. Because regardless of these things I still have life and the ability to see the sun rise in the east and set in the west. I was blessed with a son that was designed just for me and not one that has caused me true heartache and pain, but just a few headaches.:)I can never say I haven’t loved or experienced the feeling of being loved. I’ve had the pleasure of knowing both. I have a career that I still love. And even though I lost a friend, I can say I had the pleasure of knowing him. So to you I say keep the good close to your heart and learn from the rest as it guides you in your future. Until the next time……journey light.
Love, peace, prosperity, joy, happiness and an abundance of blessings to you and yours,
Erika
I could dwell on my son not exactly following the path I desired for him or even the short period of time that I was without a home. I could complain about the confirmation of not being able to have another child and the surgery that went along with it. Or maybe I could rant about my failed relationship and job woes. But I won’t. Because regardless of these things I still have life and the ability to see the sun rise in the east and set in the west. I was blessed with a son that was designed just for me and not one that has caused me true heartache and pain, but just a few headaches.:)I can never say I haven’t loved or experienced the feeling of being loved. I’ve had the pleasure of knowing both. I have a career that I still love. And even though I lost a friend, I can say I had the pleasure of knowing him. So to you I say keep the good close to your heart and learn from the rest as it guides you in your future. Until the next time……journey light.
Love, peace, prosperity, joy, happiness and an abundance of blessings to you and yours,
Erika
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Just My Thoughts:Attitude & Outlook
“A happy person is not a person
in a certain set of circumstances,
but rather a person
with a certain set of attitudes.”
Hugh Downs
Tonight I was at a new poetry spot and the MC asked how many folks were in a relationship. When she only received very light applause, she then asked how many were looking for somebody to be in a relationship with. I think maybe one and 1/2 people clapped. I say half, because there was quite a bit of uncertainty. Finally she asked, who had just gotten out of a relationship and was just bitter. Of course, she received a wave of laughter but no one actually owned up to it. But really wanted to participate and the question I was waiting for was "Who is happy right where you are?" Nothing else, plain and simple. To that I would have stood on my chair and sang "Me, Me, Me, Me, Me." Actually, no I wouldn't have done that. I just would have said it really loud. ;)As much as I may rant when perturbed. When left to reflect and enjoy me, I am quite happy where I am now. Relationships with others can be beautiful, but the relationship one has with self is the most important. Afterall, we all have said at one point or another, "You must love yourself first and if not can we really love another person." But how many of us truly take those words to heart? Do we really apply them when we need to the most? Or do we blindly trudge through the muck and mire around us, hoping it will soon get easier? Sometimes it does get easier, depending on the attitude we select to deal with people and situations. However, we also need to learn when that attitude doesn't need to be adjusted. Sometimes we just need to apply the attitude we are already equipped with to handle what life places at our feet. Don't let your lenses get cloudy and doubt what you already know. Stay focused on YOUR happiness. I'm back working on this one myself. Until we meet again.......journey light.
Love, peace, and an abundance of joy,
E
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Just My Thoughts: My Blogs & Me
So after birthing two new profiles on two different websites, it is my humble opinion that BLOGGER ROCKS while wordpress sucks! Well it didn't really suck until after I went back on today to run through a few more comparisons and the whole dashboard was different. It was rather grown up and wordy and when it comes to blogging, I need it fun, simple with color and gadgets. Blogger has loads of gadgets. So Blogger edged out the other site and is my new lovechild. I'll have to give the other one back. What if you could do that with your kids? Hmm, you know we had a GA mother who tried when she dropped her son off in Nebraska, but you see how far she got with that idea don't ya. ANYWHO, so this new addition to Drktearz's family means I'll be letting go of Yahoo 360, Xanga and Myspace. Well, not really. I'll just won't be spending as much time with them. My other baby, Facebook, I neglected at first, but have found it to work for me now. So Facebook rocks too. But of course this is just my opinion. Journey light!
Love, peace, and blessings,
E
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