Ok so the other day one of my favs posted a rant titled "Man of the House?" Yes the question mark was very intentional. The trigger was how she came to her cousin's rescue concerning a dead car battery when others specifically, menfolk, did nothing. She noted how we are forever provided with endless magazine articles, books, etc., on how to get and keep a good man. Yet, many men expect to be treated a certain way without lifting a finger to do what our grandfathers did for our grandmothers or what a gentleman does for a lady in distress. Not because they are expected to but because they want to. She even made a point about Lesbianism and women having to do for themselves. Now I responded with my own “amen” of sorts but had to admit that I, through my own trials, often must blame myself for not getting the care I need in a “relationship”. So Brandice I said would post an explanation and here it is.
How is it becoming NATURAL that many men not be about taking care of their woman? What about the men that know they are “GOOD” men? Is chivalry dead and did we, ladies, kill it? Some would argue the new feminist movement of independence is pushing men aside. Others might debate that women have way too much attitude and are hard to satisfy. I can’t speak for anyone else but me (and well 1 or 2 others), but I think in an effort to not close my eyes to the possibility of unconditional love I’ve allowed myself to stray to far from my list of do’s and don’ts, dealmakers and deal-breakers. Sorry folks, as much as I romanticize, the reality is love still does come with conditions. And I often still confuse the concept blurring it with hope. So as much as I may not want to admit this, I’ve lowered my standards and have been accepting of too much. I’m one of those that has become way too laid back in an effort not to nag or overreact. As a result, 2 things have happened. Either he thought he could do whatever or he thought I didn’t really care enough to worry about what he did. Often times my actions resembled the latter, because I don’t do jealousy. Sad thing is it wasn’t even that. Honestly dude, I just think if you’re with me, you see me struggling and you TRULY care about me then you will step up and handle whatever the problem is without me asking. Matter of fact, you won’t even let me get to the struggling part.
In the past year, I’ve moved into a new place, had issues with my car, battled with the manchild (I won lol), and been confronted by a few other minor challenges. But when it came time to handle the challenges that came with each, I’ve had to go it alone. Why?? Because the man I was seeing never offered to say “Let me take care of that baby” and I never made him feel like he had to. I never put a demand on defining our relationship because I felt it made matters complicated and honestly I was a little scared to lock in. To be fair, I’ve had offers to handle simple things but not those things I’d rather not deal with. Not the things that would move an unnecessary cloud from looming over me. Not the things that show this has the potential to be a great partnership. Its not that I don’t know what it looks like. I’ve had two people to show me, but since them, no one has managed to do the same. And I know men hate to be compared but come on son…y’all do the same thing! Afterall, I did say ex meaning something was amiss. I mean if you are use to being treated a certain way, why feel ashamed to admit you not only expect more but deserve more. Keep it 100 though, and be prepared to give just as much or more in order to receive. No need asking for what you can’t give. As for me, I’ve decided I’m done holding on to trying to love him anyway. I’m over the “I want to be in his corner” movement. If he can’t love me the way I deserve then why am I still loving him. Bottom line, if you KNOW how to take care of me then I‘ll have no problem taking care of you. Until the next time….journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
Showing posts with label reflections. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reflections. Show all posts
Friday, November 12, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Just My Thoughts: If 30 is the New 20, What is 40?
“Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die tomorrow” ~James Dean
It would be a beautiful thing if I could lie down, close my eyes, and go to sleep. But I’m up pondering and questioning my rationale for making certain decisions in life and dreaming. I always go back and forth on the sleep thing, but lately it’s been different. Today I realized that it's due to the fact that this is my year. Not the 2010 everyone's chattering about, but my year to hit a milestone. I turn 40 in July.
Due to this I’ve been rereading my journals, private blogs, goals from a few years ago. Thumbing through my 30s, I noticed a considerable shift in my opinions and acceptance. I’m more of a free thinker and social butterfly but I’m still an introvert. Some refer to this as a change in seasons. I'm thinking I've finally found a good portion of me. And I refer to it as a portion, because I know if blessed to see 50 I’ll think the same thing as my needs will surely continue to change. I also noticed I set targets just as I did with my 30th that I wanted to have accomplished by now. This actually led to an emotional moment I shared with my sister last week in light of another situation that caused me to question myself and God. However she reminded me that the many things I was upset about I had already experienced, so it’s not as though these things never came to fruition. Once I moved the other chaos to the side and refreshed my memory, I once again became okay with my good and bad.
I know me. I know my likes and dislikes. I understand my errors in judgment and why I do what I do. I know when I’m ready and when I’m not. I recognize my strengths and weaknesses. I’m often positive, but stumble into negative. Sometimes confident, other times shy. I’m often very emotional but I refuse to argue, so I can appear cold. I am me. Which brings me to a thin line of acceptance - do I actively and aggressively seek to change these things at 40? And who exactly am I changing to satisfy? Myself?
As a life long learner, I do plan on adding to my dimension, but certain inner findings I believe if addressed too soon will cause the rubber band effect. I will expand for a minute, then eventually return back to my original state or break and be of no real value in that particularly area. Have you ever been around someone that tries TOO HARD? It becomes difficult to believe their sincerity - therefore rendering them useless. I don’t want to fall in that category. So I’ve decided to stop looking at my age and just look at me.
I think one of my greatest strengths is sticking with what comes natural to me and not forcing anything. Some things I’ve tried because honestly, it was suggested to me by someone else. Maybe that defines me as a follower, but maybe it allows me to stand out in being genuine in what I do and believe. I’m not a 100% but I’m not a 50 either. I’ve benefited greatly from those around me, as I’ve been able to see things with a different set of eyes. Whether it be friend or mate, I think each association should add something of value to my life and I their’s. So that’s how my balance is created. Does that mean I’m cleaning house? Quite the contrary, it simply means with each passing day I better understand my and everyone’s role. In other words, I’m playing my position and not concerning myself with the time on the clock. I’ve always admitted to be a dreamer and I try hard not to, but my quote for today is who I am and I don’t believe I’m close to the end of my journey. So I won’t let my age become a deterrent for accepting love, joy, and prosperity in my life. Until next time…journey light.
Luv, peace, and joy in what you do,
E
Monday, January 4, 2010
Just My Thoughts: 2009 Reflections
As I reviewed my 2008 reflections, I found that I could almost repost it as is. Our economy is still taking hits, high unemployment rates across the nation continue to be an issue, and then there's the worries I have about my only child. And although I dealt with a few personal disappointments myself, such as being unemployed for a short period of time and feeling like I'm having to start over yet again, I've managed to find the silver lining.
For exampe, my resignation from my school district allowed me to be rehired into another assignment I enjoy. My temporary lack of income did not leave me homeless. Although, I've prided myself on a certain amount of independence, moving in with my cousins allowed us to become close again and assist them as well. Which leads to the "forced" independence of my son. lol. I say that because as much as I stood my ground on him moving out, I've wanted to throw him a life jacket on several occasions but couldn't because of my own lack of resources and a place to call my own. In a recent conversation we had, I discovered that he's finally moving in the right direction for him (not for me) and I'm good with knowing he'll be alright.
What I will repeat from that 2008 reflection post that remains the same is this:
.......regardless of these things I still have life and the ability to see the sun rise in the east and set in the west. I was blessed with a son that was designed just for me and not one that has caused me true heartache and pain, but just a few headaches.:)I can never say I haven’t loved or experienced the feeling of being loved. I’ve had the pleasure of knowing both. I have a career that I still love....
Until the next time……journey light.
Love, peace, prosperity, joy, happiness and an abundance of blessings to you and yours,
Erika
For exampe, my resignation from my school district allowed me to be rehired into another assignment I enjoy. My temporary lack of income did not leave me homeless. Although, I've prided myself on a certain amount of independence, moving in with my cousins allowed us to become close again and assist them as well. Which leads to the "forced" independence of my son. lol. I say that because as much as I stood my ground on him moving out, I've wanted to throw him a life jacket on several occasions but couldn't because of my own lack of resources and a place to call my own. In a recent conversation we had, I discovered that he's finally moving in the right direction for him (not for me) and I'm good with knowing he'll be alright.
What I will repeat from that 2008 reflection post that remains the same is this:
.......regardless of these things I still have life and the ability to see the sun rise in the east and set in the west. I was blessed with a son that was designed just for me and not one that has caused me true heartache and pain, but just a few headaches.:)I can never say I haven’t loved or experienced the feeling of being loved. I’ve had the pleasure of knowing both. I have a career that I still love....
Until the next time……journey light.
Love, peace, prosperity, joy, happiness and an abundance of blessings to you and yours,
Erika
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Just My Thoughts: Looking Forward to Something Big
Cancer (6/22-7/22)
Today’s Horoscope: Intriguing new ideas are introduced into your usual way of thinking, and these developments point the way to plenty of renewal. This comes as no surprise to you -- your excellent instincts could tell that something big was coming down the pike. You may be surprised that you feel some hesitancy, but it's understandable. After all, saying yes to one thing means saying no to another -- or does it? Take a step back from the fast pace to reflect on your choices.
*****
GM Beautiful...today I'm grateful for God's comforting embrace, another day to live better than before, challenges that build character & strength, loving for no reason, and this journey full of surprises...I may be a little bruised, but I'm surely not broken..."The soul enjoys the body in its pleasures and takes over to heal it in its illnesses" ~Marsilio Ficino
*****
What’s funny about horoscopes is that just like having your fortune read you can make it fit anyone’s life regardless of having any true insight into what they are going through. So why do I read them? Because it makes me stop and assess where I’ve been and where I’m going. Isn’t that what we do when presented a scripture, affirmation, thought of the day? No matter the source I take it as a time to reflect. So today I’m reflecting on choices.
During the past few month’s I’ve said yes/no and later questioned “Did I choose wisely?” In August, I resigned. That was not necessarily a decision. I knew in May that I could lose my job if my certification was not renewed in time. The route I decided to take afterwards was where the decision making began. I decided to deal with each day as it came. I decided I didn’t want to return to BMS. I decided the delay was a sign to move on. And although I’m not receiving any unemployment benefits, when told my position was still vacant and my certificate was once again valid, I continued to hold to my decision that returning to BMS was not the answer. Some called it prideful. Not really. True I hadn’t saved wisely, nor could I afford a pay cut. So going back seemed like the right idea. The economy is in bad shape and teaching is a considered a secure job. But I didn’t begin teaching for job security. However, I couldn’t help but admit that the last couple of years that even though I would return to work excited and motivated, by mid-year I was ready to transfer and then eventually settled for staying put. I had become complacent and confined to just being comfortable. So this seemed like the shake up I needed but hadn’t asked for. Therefore I continued to plan my next few steps as if everything was in order. I continued to live. In late August, I received a phone call to return to Atlanta Public Schools to teach in another location. I said yes and was relieved to know I wouldn’t have to be out of work long and no pay cut. YAY! However, I had not prepared myself for the time it would take to be rehired. This is where some of the steps became tricky, sometimes depressing. I had friends/family going through too so I was reminded not to complain. There were several times when I wanted to. However, every time the urge came about, someone near or far stepped in to help me keep it together.
As much as I know this to be true, God has truly shown me how he works through others. So what if all my plans did not work the way I thought they would, I was placed where I believe I was suppose to be. So in questioning did I choose wisely, I believe I did. I believe I’m well on my way to the “something big” now. I had just enough time to step out in another arena and see how I can combine my two loves. Now I just have to make it happen. And today I will finally be going to APS to update my fingerprints so I can get back to work.
Sitting here now I realize I took that pay cut after all, in order to get a raise in spirit and in faith. Until next time….journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
Today’s Horoscope: Intriguing new ideas are introduced into your usual way of thinking, and these developments point the way to plenty of renewal. This comes as no surprise to you -- your excellent instincts could tell that something big was coming down the pike. You may be surprised that you feel some hesitancy, but it's understandable. After all, saying yes to one thing means saying no to another -- or does it? Take a step back from the fast pace to reflect on your choices.
*****
GM Beautiful...today I'm grateful for God's comforting embrace, another day to live better than before, challenges that build character & strength, loving for no reason, and this journey full of surprises...I may be a little bruised, but I'm surely not broken..."The soul enjoys the body in its pleasures and takes over to heal it in its illnesses" ~Marsilio Ficino
*****
What’s funny about horoscopes is that just like having your fortune read you can make it fit anyone’s life regardless of having any true insight into what they are going through. So why do I read them? Because it makes me stop and assess where I’ve been and where I’m going. Isn’t that what we do when presented a scripture, affirmation, thought of the day? No matter the source I take it as a time to reflect. So today I’m reflecting on choices.
During the past few month’s I’ve said yes/no and later questioned “Did I choose wisely?” In August, I resigned. That was not necessarily a decision. I knew in May that I could lose my job if my certification was not renewed in time. The route I decided to take afterwards was where the decision making began. I decided to deal with each day as it came. I decided I didn’t want to return to BMS. I decided the delay was a sign to move on. And although I’m not receiving any unemployment benefits, when told my position was still vacant and my certificate was once again valid, I continued to hold to my decision that returning to BMS was not the answer. Some called it prideful. Not really. True I hadn’t saved wisely, nor could I afford a pay cut. So going back seemed like the right idea. The economy is in bad shape and teaching is a considered a secure job. But I didn’t begin teaching for job security. However, I couldn’t help but admit that the last couple of years that even though I would return to work excited and motivated, by mid-year I was ready to transfer and then eventually settled for staying put. I had become complacent and confined to just being comfortable. So this seemed like the shake up I needed but hadn’t asked for. Therefore I continued to plan my next few steps as if everything was in order. I continued to live. In late August, I received a phone call to return to Atlanta Public Schools to teach in another location. I said yes and was relieved to know I wouldn’t have to be out of work long and no pay cut. YAY! However, I had not prepared myself for the time it would take to be rehired. This is where some of the steps became tricky, sometimes depressing. I had friends/family going through too so I was reminded not to complain. There were several times when I wanted to. However, every time the urge came about, someone near or far stepped in to help me keep it together.
As much as I know this to be true, God has truly shown me how he works through others. So what if all my plans did not work the way I thought they would, I was placed where I believe I was suppose to be. So in questioning did I choose wisely, I believe I did. I believe I’m well on my way to the “something big” now. I had just enough time to step out in another arena and see how I can combine my two loves. Now I just have to make it happen. And today I will finally be going to APS to update my fingerprints so I can get back to work.
Sitting here now I realize I took that pay cut after all, in order to get a raise in spirit and in faith. Until next time….journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Just My Thoughts: Life Happens, But Not Always With You In the Plan.....10.6.09
Hey Beautiful Ones,
For several months I have maintained the "I'm grateful anyhow-it's gonna be alright-this too shall pass" attitude. However, a couple of Sundays ago, like a plane out of fuel, things came to a screeching halt and I crashed. I'm not upset or saddened about where I am now because I believe all that positive energy I stored up from June until now was necessary for this next chapter in my life. I have also been blessed to come in contact with several beautiful people through events, chance encounters and social networking. Either way, many of them or shall I say their words, quotes, thoughts to the masses (that felt like it was specifically written for me)are part of that energy that helps me now. But eventually there comes a time when I must take a step back, stand alone, and make choices that no one else can make for me. That is where I am now. This point and the next one I'm about to make was further confirmed for me on Sunday.
I'm finding a few people coming at me with questions or assumptions that truly don't want the responses I'm prepared to give them. Somewhere in this journey they have come to believe that their position in my life is long term or more personal than it really is. As social as I can be, I'm still very much a person who loves her time alone and enjoys an extremely small group of close friends way more than a room full of people I just met. With that being said, I came to acknowledge with my ex-husband, my son's father and other people who play/played a significant role in my life a lesson first introduced to me through "Until Today" & "Acts of Faith". These two books written by Iyanla Vanzant are ones that I dig out often to rejuvenate my senses. And if you are one of the few that truly know me, then you know what I'm about to say next *smile*.....
"People come into your life for a reason, season, and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do" ~Michelle Ventor
Once you acknowledge that, you'll know how to interact with them (and me) in the future. So such is life, but not always with you in mine or I in yours. There is no magic formula to figuring out who fits where. It only takes a little reflection, not to be confused with reminiscing. Since reminiscing allows you only to take things at surface value, while reflection actually requires thinking along with that occasional stroll down memory lane. Otherwise we may find ourselves making people intended only to be temporary into permanent fixtures. So who's fault is it really, when you become frustrated and exhausted beyond consoling?? Hmm...just something to think about....until the next time.....journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings
E
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I saw this poem years ago, but there is much debate about who is the author...
For several months I have maintained the "I'm grateful anyhow-it's gonna be alright-this too shall pass" attitude. However, a couple of Sundays ago, like a plane out of fuel, things came to a screeching halt and I crashed. I'm not upset or saddened about where I am now because I believe all that positive energy I stored up from June until now was necessary for this next chapter in my life. I have also been blessed to come in contact with several beautiful people through events, chance encounters and social networking. Either way, many of them or shall I say their words, quotes, thoughts to the masses (that felt like it was specifically written for me)are part of that energy that helps me now. But eventually there comes a time when I must take a step back, stand alone, and make choices that no one else can make for me. That is where I am now. This point and the next one I'm about to make was further confirmed for me on Sunday.
I'm finding a few people coming at me with questions or assumptions that truly don't want the responses I'm prepared to give them. Somewhere in this journey they have come to believe that their position in my life is long term or more personal than it really is. As social as I can be, I'm still very much a person who loves her time alone and enjoys an extremely small group of close friends way more than a room full of people I just met. With that being said, I came to acknowledge with my ex-husband, my son's father and other people who play/played a significant role in my life a lesson first introduced to me through "Until Today" & "Acts of Faith". These two books written by Iyanla Vanzant are ones that I dig out often to rejuvenate my senses. And if you are one of the few that truly know me, then you know what I'm about to say next *smile*.....
"People come into your life for a reason, season, and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do" ~Michelle Ventor
Once you acknowledge that, you'll know how to interact with them (and me) in the future. So such is life, but not always with you in mine or I in yours. There is no magic formula to figuring out who fits where. It only takes a little reflection, not to be confused with reminiscing. Since reminiscing allows you only to take things at surface value, while reflection actually requires thinking along with that occasional stroll down memory lane. Otherwise we may find ourselves making people intended only to be temporary into permanent fixtures. So who's fault is it really, when you become frustrated and exhausted beyond consoling?? Hmm...just something to think about....until the next time.....journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings
E
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I saw this poem years ago, but there is much debate about who is the author...
A Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime
When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically,emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reasonyou need them to be.
Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realise is that our need has been met, ourdesire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer yousent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON . . .Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in allother relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
~Author Unknown.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
7 Days of Gratitude: Day 7
DrLife: Spiritual practice of the week: For the next 7 days, wake up and write 5 things that you are grateful for BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE!
Each day the outlook becomes a little brighter…….and today is the 7th day
1. I’m grateful for extraordinary people that appear ordinary. In the past two weeks, I have had the pleasure of meeting what seems like ordinary people. They may even be referred to as common folks. But there’s nothing ordinary about them. They are those who like to see others do well in life and offer people the tools to do so without being asked. These are people I was just having an ordinary conversation with and they provided me with sound information that can benefit all areas of my life. These are the on time blessings that don’t fall from the sky but walk up to you and ask “How’s it going?” I’m glad I acknowledged their presence instead of looking the other way.
2. I’m grateful for loving what I do. Often times, I get upset when I look around me and find that the climate on my job is not too pleasant. However, I still love being a teacher. I cherish the ah-ha moments that appear in a student who’s finally grasped a concept he was struggling with and now takes off running with it. I am often tickled by the ones who can’t stand me this year, but take a detour to walk past my door the next year just to say hi. I am excited when I see them a few years later and they share with me all of their accomplishments and future plans. I am honored when reading an email or having a conversation with a former student who is now a senior tell me how mean they thought I was but realized it was for their own good. I love when I get a new student and she tells me “My sister told me you don’t play”. LOL. And I respond well I’m glad she warned you.
3. I’m grateful for this thing called poetry. Writing is something I learned to do well as a child, because quite honestly I was embarrassed at times to be vocal. I was often teased for the grunting noise I made at the end of a sentence but couldn’t hear myself do. So the one thing I knew I could do well is look good on paper. Therefore I wrote how I felt. But then I stopped and concentrated my energy on everyone and everything around me. A few years ago, I decided when it was time to focus on me to just write. I hate that I waited so late, but I’m glad that I started when I did. Writing has been perfect therapy for me. It has allowed me to cleanse my mind, connect with great people, and heal my heart. For me there is no greater feeling than riding done the road, walking through the mall, sitting on my patio…..and having a burst of words flood my thoughts stringing themselves together in a rhythmic dance searching for a scrap of paper as its final destination.
4. I’m grateful for inner peace. At this very moment, if I screamed so loud that my neighbors could hear me, it would probably be justified. However, I won’t. It will not change anything around me, nor will it fix what is already broken. About a year ago, I surely would be throwing a tantrum right now as I have some turmoil going on around me. However, yesterday when I felt most challenged, I maintained. This morning I recognized my growth. I finally arrived at inner peace. Something I have gotten close to before, but never quite grab hold of long enough to maintain. However, this time I think I’ve got it! With uncertainty about my son’s direction, my career, my education, and how I will continue to jump over these next few financial hurdles, I am not giving up hope. I am celebrating what I have done and am at peace with what I have not. I know that everything has its own timetable and I’m ok with that.
5. I’m grateful for God’s favor. There is no way possible certain situations have been resolved in my life without God’s undivided attention. Oh I know that sounds cocky, like He was only thinking about me. But it’s quite the opposite. Because I know me better than anyone else and I am fully aware that I could cease to exist at any moment, I have to acknowledge that God has stopped me from drowning a few times. I even recognize that He has allowed me to have something I don’t need because I begged for it so long…..and once He gave it to me, it was later that I realized it wasn’t what I thought……so I wanted Him to take it back and quick. LoL. But of course, I had to deal with the consequences and work my way through some things before He moved those burdens out of my path. Therefore, it would be difficult for me not to see that God has always taken care of my needs and my wants.
This is the 7th and final day that I will be posting my grateful list with details. However, I am planning to make this practice a fixture in my daily routine. Have you tried it yet……what are you grateful for? Until next time…..journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
Each day the outlook becomes a little brighter…….and today is the 7th day
1. I’m grateful for extraordinary people that appear ordinary. In the past two weeks, I have had the pleasure of meeting what seems like ordinary people. They may even be referred to as common folks. But there’s nothing ordinary about them. They are those who like to see others do well in life and offer people the tools to do so without being asked. These are people I was just having an ordinary conversation with and they provided me with sound information that can benefit all areas of my life. These are the on time blessings that don’t fall from the sky but walk up to you and ask “How’s it going?” I’m glad I acknowledged their presence instead of looking the other way.
2. I’m grateful for loving what I do. Often times, I get upset when I look around me and find that the climate on my job is not too pleasant. However, I still love being a teacher. I cherish the ah-ha moments that appear in a student who’s finally grasped a concept he was struggling with and now takes off running with it. I am often tickled by the ones who can’t stand me this year, but take a detour to walk past my door the next year just to say hi. I am excited when I see them a few years later and they share with me all of their accomplishments and future plans. I am honored when reading an email or having a conversation with a former student who is now a senior tell me how mean they thought I was but realized it was for their own good. I love when I get a new student and she tells me “My sister told me you don’t play”. LOL. And I respond well I’m glad she warned you.
3. I’m grateful for this thing called poetry. Writing is something I learned to do well as a child, because quite honestly I was embarrassed at times to be vocal. I was often teased for the grunting noise I made at the end of a sentence but couldn’t hear myself do. So the one thing I knew I could do well is look good on paper. Therefore I wrote how I felt. But then I stopped and concentrated my energy on everyone and everything around me. A few years ago, I decided when it was time to focus on me to just write. I hate that I waited so late, but I’m glad that I started when I did. Writing has been perfect therapy for me. It has allowed me to cleanse my mind, connect with great people, and heal my heart. For me there is no greater feeling than riding done the road, walking through the mall, sitting on my patio…..and having a burst of words flood my thoughts stringing themselves together in a rhythmic dance searching for a scrap of paper as its final destination.
4. I’m grateful for inner peace. At this very moment, if I screamed so loud that my neighbors could hear me, it would probably be justified. However, I won’t. It will not change anything around me, nor will it fix what is already broken. About a year ago, I surely would be throwing a tantrum right now as I have some turmoil going on around me. However, yesterday when I felt most challenged, I maintained. This morning I recognized my growth. I finally arrived at inner peace. Something I have gotten close to before, but never quite grab hold of long enough to maintain. However, this time I think I’ve got it! With uncertainty about my son’s direction, my career, my education, and how I will continue to jump over these next few financial hurdles, I am not giving up hope. I am celebrating what I have done and am at peace with what I have not. I know that everything has its own timetable and I’m ok with that.
5. I’m grateful for God’s favor. There is no way possible certain situations have been resolved in my life without God’s undivided attention. Oh I know that sounds cocky, like He was only thinking about me. But it’s quite the opposite. Because I know me better than anyone else and I am fully aware that I could cease to exist at any moment, I have to acknowledge that God has stopped me from drowning a few times. I even recognize that He has allowed me to have something I don’t need because I begged for it so long…..and once He gave it to me, it was later that I realized it wasn’t what I thought……so I wanted Him to take it back and quick. LoL. But of course, I had to deal with the consequences and work my way through some things before He moved those burdens out of my path. Therefore, it would be difficult for me not to see that God has always taken care of my needs and my wants.
This is the 7th and final day that I will be posting my grateful list with details. However, I am planning to make this practice a fixture in my daily routine. Have you tried it yet……what are you grateful for? Until next time…..journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
7 Days of Gratitude: Day 6
DrLife: Spiritual practice of the week: For the next 7 days, wake up and write 5 things that you are grateful for BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE!
Each day is more beautiful than the day before…….and I’m on day 6
1. I’m grateful for soul stirring music. Whether it’s jazz, gospel, or rock, I love how music can get down my toes and converse with me. It can twirl me around, take me back two steps in time and bring back a memory so vivid, it feels like it happened yesterday. It provides me with an anthem for living when things around me seem bleak. When I’m driving I can have a full Richard Smallwood concert by myself that gets me ready for the day. I can put on Mary J. and celebrate being a woman. The Staple Singers always make me think about 'doing it again'. LOL. Music can get me moving when I don’t feel like it. Music speaks to me in a way no one else can.
2. I’m grateful for backyard bbqs. I enjoy getting together with family and friends and just enjoying the company of one another. There are so many that do not get to or desire to build strong relationships with others. One of the reasons I love the summer so much is because I know I’ll be able to see and spend time with those I care most about.
3. I’m grateful for obstacles. Those things that stand between me and my goals, are there to make me appreciate getting to the finish line that much more. Right now I have a few obstacles before me, but I know once I cross over them the next one is easier to overcome.
4. I’m grateful for affirmations. The first time I truly paid attention to the effects affirmations can have was when I purchased “Acts of Faith” by Iylana Vanzant. I got so excited that I bought copies to share with others around me going through. These words of gratitude are having the same effect. They allow me to feel restored, renewed, and rejuvenated. All because I opened my mouth and acknowledged the good things around me, instead of dwelling on the bad.
5. I’m grateful for mental housekeeping. Just like I have to keep the area around me clear of debris, I have to make an extra effort to keep my mind free of those things that can hinder my progress. If I allow negativity to sit around me daily, then eventually, it’s going to find its way into my thoughts. Can’t have that! So when it creeps in, I try to stay alert and sweep those corners out quickly.
Now I have to get back to jumping over these obstacles……….so what are you grateful for? Until next time…..journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
Each day is more beautiful than the day before…….and I’m on day 6
1. I’m grateful for soul stirring music. Whether it’s jazz, gospel, or rock, I love how music can get down my toes and converse with me. It can twirl me around, take me back two steps in time and bring back a memory so vivid, it feels like it happened yesterday. It provides me with an anthem for living when things around me seem bleak. When I’m driving I can have a full Richard Smallwood concert by myself that gets me ready for the day. I can put on Mary J. and celebrate being a woman. The Staple Singers always make me think about 'doing it again'. LOL. Music can get me moving when I don’t feel like it. Music speaks to me in a way no one else can.
2. I’m grateful for backyard bbqs. I enjoy getting together with family and friends and just enjoying the company of one another. There are so many that do not get to or desire to build strong relationships with others. One of the reasons I love the summer so much is because I know I’ll be able to see and spend time with those I care most about.
3. I’m grateful for obstacles. Those things that stand between me and my goals, are there to make me appreciate getting to the finish line that much more. Right now I have a few obstacles before me, but I know once I cross over them the next one is easier to overcome.
4. I’m grateful for affirmations. The first time I truly paid attention to the effects affirmations can have was when I purchased “Acts of Faith” by Iylana Vanzant. I got so excited that I bought copies to share with others around me going through. These words of gratitude are having the same effect. They allow me to feel restored, renewed, and rejuvenated. All because I opened my mouth and acknowledged the good things around me, instead of dwelling on the bad.
5. I’m grateful for mental housekeeping. Just like I have to keep the area around me clear of debris, I have to make an extra effort to keep my mind free of those things that can hinder my progress. If I allow negativity to sit around me daily, then eventually, it’s going to find its way into my thoughts. Can’t have that! So when it creeps in, I try to stay alert and sweep those corners out quickly.
Now I have to get back to jumping over these obstacles……….so what are you grateful for? Until next time…..journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
Monday, June 29, 2009
7 Days of Gratitude: Day 5
DrLife: Spiritual practice of the week: For the next 7 days, wake up and write 5 things that you are grateful for BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE!
The birds woke me up this morning…….and I’m on day 5………..
1. I’m grateful for Monday mornings. I suppose that’s easy to say right now because it’s we’re in the middle of the summer. But I use to dread Mondays and now I look at is as another opportunity to start the week off inspired and ready to change some things.
2. I’m grateful for do overs. It’s not often that we get the first opportunity to do something the way we want. But to get a second chance to get it right, that is a great feeling. There are some things in life that you get only one turn with. But I’m blessed to be able to have another turn with those things in life that affect me and my future the most.
3. I’m grateful for tears. There are times when I have cried, not knowing where it’s coming from exactly. But afterwards, I feel so much better. Tears may symbolize sadness or happiness, but ultimately they purge and free me from thoughts that may hold me back in my ability to love and even comfort someone else. Aristotle theorized that crying “cleanses the mind”. Just like laughter, crying can ease stress. By allowing those few tears to roll every now and then, I free myself of pain and anger that could potentially lead to illnesses such as depression. I would rather just have a case of the ‘blues’.
4. I’m grateful for joy. The main difference between ‘happiness’ and ‘joy’ is that one is temporary, while the other has long lasting effects. When I think about it one travels from the outside in while the other from the inside out. Something or someone can make me happy, but joy comes from within. ‘This joy that I have the world didn’t give to me…..and the world can’t take it away”. That verse is a reminder that joy is mine unless I give it away.
5. I’m grateful for the birds outside my window. They really use to get on my last nerve, but when my uncle died two years ago, the birds gave me a message. My Uncle Danny was like another father and to get the call that he had passed and I hadn't told him how much he meant to me was devastating. I remember crying inconsolably before dawn. Then hearing my uncle’s voice in a joking manner calling me by the nickname he always used for me and telling me to stop all that ‘damn crying and snot slinging…..I’m alright’. The next sound was this one bird singing loudly outside my window before the sun had even risen. It was very possible that it did that everyday, but that day I heard it clearly. And I started smiling, still crying but grinning from ear to ear. Because I knew on that particular morning that bird was singing specifically for me. So I no longer get mad when they wake me up. I thank them for showing up.
So of course I’m crying now, but it’s ok because this stroll does my soul good…….so what are you grateful for? Until next time…..journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
The birds woke me up this morning…….and I’m on day 5………..
1. I’m grateful for Monday mornings. I suppose that’s easy to say right now because it’s we’re in the middle of the summer. But I use to dread Mondays and now I look at is as another opportunity to start the week off inspired and ready to change some things.
2. I’m grateful for do overs. It’s not often that we get the first opportunity to do something the way we want. But to get a second chance to get it right, that is a great feeling. There are some things in life that you get only one turn with. But I’m blessed to be able to have another turn with those things in life that affect me and my future the most.
3. I’m grateful for tears. There are times when I have cried, not knowing where it’s coming from exactly. But afterwards, I feel so much better. Tears may symbolize sadness or happiness, but ultimately they purge and free me from thoughts that may hold me back in my ability to love and even comfort someone else. Aristotle theorized that crying “cleanses the mind”. Just like laughter, crying can ease stress. By allowing those few tears to roll every now and then, I free myself of pain and anger that could potentially lead to illnesses such as depression. I would rather just have a case of the ‘blues’.
4. I’m grateful for joy. The main difference between ‘happiness’ and ‘joy’ is that one is temporary, while the other has long lasting effects. When I think about it one travels from the outside in while the other from the inside out. Something or someone can make me happy, but joy comes from within. ‘This joy that I have the world didn’t give to me…..and the world can’t take it away”. That verse is a reminder that joy is mine unless I give it away.
5. I’m grateful for the birds outside my window. They really use to get on my last nerve, but when my uncle died two years ago, the birds gave me a message. My Uncle Danny was like another father and to get the call that he had passed and I hadn't told him how much he meant to me was devastating. I remember crying inconsolably before dawn. Then hearing my uncle’s voice in a joking manner calling me by the nickname he always used for me and telling me to stop all that ‘damn crying and snot slinging…..I’m alright’. The next sound was this one bird singing loudly outside my window before the sun had even risen. It was very possible that it did that everyday, but that day I heard it clearly. And I started smiling, still crying but grinning from ear to ear. Because I knew on that particular morning that bird was singing specifically for me. So I no longer get mad when they wake me up. I thank them for showing up.
So of course I’m crying now, but it’s ok because this stroll does my soul good…….so what are you grateful for? Until next time…..journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
Sunday, June 28, 2009
7 Days of Gratitude: Day 4
DrLife: Spiritual practice of the week: For the next 7 days, wake up and write 5 things that you are grateful for BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE!
It’s beautiful morning.......and I’m on day 4……….
1. I’m grateful for solitude. When my mind is on overload, going out to a movie is not always the answer. Interacting with others just may add to my level of stress. There are times when I need to step out of the world and away from the people in it. Shut myself in for a day and focus on me. During those times I may read, meditate, pray, etc. But whatever I’m doing it’s a process needed to make me better. Even if I decide to just clean, it helps me to clear my mind of any unnecessary or ill feelings. It gives me the opportunity to not worry about anything but to focus on simple things like how to get this stain out of the carpet. Therefore I recognize the beauty in solitude and understand it is not the same as loneliness.
2. I’m grateful for shelter. There was only one time in my life that I didn’t know where I was going to live. Even then it was not because I faced homelessness, but because I refused to stay in a place that I knew was going to bring me a great deal of stress. Therefore after one week, I moved back out of my just built apartment with a pair of railroad tracks staring up at my patio. J I hired movers to put my things on a truck and put it in storage. I spent the next 3 weeks hotel hopping. It almost felt like I was on vacation with Priceline.com as my tour guide, lol. So regardless of the circumstances, I’ve always been blessed with a roof over my head, electricity, water and food.
3. I’m grateful for having a voice. Thinking of the situation above, there are many people who do not have those types of choices or resources. Or who believe they have to take what someone says or does to them because that’s what they have become accustomed to. But that is not the way it must be. There may be times of discomfort my life, but I have a voice. At no time should a person ever feel they must remain silent and accept whatever is told to them if it is not for their own good. If I were unable to speak my mind about my own life than my life would easily become the property of someone else. At that point, what’s the purpose of living?
4. I’m grateful for individuality. I love to see children do their own thing, but within reason of course. No spoiled brats like on ‘The Nanny’. I would be on the 12, 6, and 11 o’clock news if faced with that. LOL. As children, most of us start out trying to be like someone else we idolize. Whether it is our parents or someone we saw on television. As we enter our teens, we want to fit in and become like those around us. That’s when the real struggle begins. We want their popularity, their looks, their style, their girlfriends/boyfriends, etc. Nowadays I believe it’s simply referred to as ‘swag’. But whatever it is, we want it. This in itself, when you pause and think, means we are coveting someone else’s identity. That is not how we are designed. Even identical twins have some characteristics that allows for them to be individuals. It’s easy to see as an adult, but unfortunately many adults are the worse about trying to be like someone else. It took me a minute to figure this out, but I have no desire to be just like the people around me. How boring is that? I can learn nothing from those identical to me. Therefore I’m happy with whom I am and I can only be me.
5. I’m grateful for my spirituality. I am not one to challenge another’s beliefs. When you dismiss another person’s belief system, I think it tears them down versus building them up. There is no real teaching in telling someone how to or not to do something. It must be modeled. It must be lived and shown. Therefore I respect another’s religious practices and ask that they respect my choices. I grew up attending church. I’ve served in a few positions in church as well. I’ve even had the opportunity to be a guest speaker at churches we fellowshipped with. But eventually I learned to not embrace religion, but spirituality. And that lesson has been primarily taught to me by my interaction with reluctant churchgoers. These are not non-believers but people who because of “religious practices” have been turned off to attending church, and in some cases accepting Christianity. I do enjoy attending church service, but I recognize that the building I sit in matters not, as long as I can be spiritually fed. Although my spirituality is based on biblical readings and teachings, what God looks like I do not presume to say. It does not really matter to me, He’s black or white or if the pastor is a woman. The message should be the same regardless of whose mouth it’s uttered from, even if it steps on my toes. That’s where the breakdown occurs. That’s how most people get lost when the person presumed to be given a title by God adds their two cents. That is why we have so many translations. The vessel that God uses can be anyone and it can be for only one time. That often goes unrecognized. However because of the things that I have personally experienced I know that God exist and His Word exist in me. I also acknowledge His Word outside of me. I do not feel lost. I cannot sit high and point out another’s flaws. I can only focus on my own. For another, I can only hope that most of the time, I am a positive influence. Because I recognize that I am not perfect and while living will never reach that status. But I do believe in being a lifelong learner in all areas of my life. Therefore, I’ve moved away from the tradition of sitting somewhere just because it’s what I’ve always done every Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday. So, I go where I can 'intentionally' hear and learn, not just be caught up in the numbers. Today, that just may be streamingfaith.com :)
Wow, how did I end up here? Hmm, I just might lose someone today. But I also may inspire you to use your voice. So again I ask........what are you grateful for? Until next time......journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
It’s beautiful morning.......and I’m on day 4……….
1. I’m grateful for solitude. When my mind is on overload, going out to a movie is not always the answer. Interacting with others just may add to my level of stress. There are times when I need to step out of the world and away from the people in it. Shut myself in for a day and focus on me. During those times I may read, meditate, pray, etc. But whatever I’m doing it’s a process needed to make me better. Even if I decide to just clean, it helps me to clear my mind of any unnecessary or ill feelings. It gives me the opportunity to not worry about anything but to focus on simple things like how to get this stain out of the carpet. Therefore I recognize the beauty in solitude and understand it is not the same as loneliness.
2. I’m grateful for shelter. There was only one time in my life that I didn’t know where I was going to live. Even then it was not because I faced homelessness, but because I refused to stay in a place that I knew was going to bring me a great deal of stress. Therefore after one week, I moved back out of my just built apartment with a pair of railroad tracks staring up at my patio. J I hired movers to put my things on a truck and put it in storage. I spent the next 3 weeks hotel hopping. It almost felt like I was on vacation with Priceline.com as my tour guide, lol. So regardless of the circumstances, I’ve always been blessed with a roof over my head, electricity, water and food.
3. I’m grateful for having a voice. Thinking of the situation above, there are many people who do not have those types of choices or resources. Or who believe they have to take what someone says or does to them because that’s what they have become accustomed to. But that is not the way it must be. There may be times of discomfort my life, but I have a voice. At no time should a person ever feel they must remain silent and accept whatever is told to them if it is not for their own good. If I were unable to speak my mind about my own life than my life would easily become the property of someone else. At that point, what’s the purpose of living?
4. I’m grateful for individuality. I love to see children do their own thing, but within reason of course. No spoiled brats like on ‘The Nanny’. I would be on the 12, 6, and 11 o’clock news if faced with that. LOL. As children, most of us start out trying to be like someone else we idolize. Whether it is our parents or someone we saw on television. As we enter our teens, we want to fit in and become like those around us. That’s when the real struggle begins. We want their popularity, their looks, their style, their girlfriends/boyfriends, etc. Nowadays I believe it’s simply referred to as ‘swag’. But whatever it is, we want it. This in itself, when you pause and think, means we are coveting someone else’s identity. That is not how we are designed. Even identical twins have some characteristics that allows for them to be individuals. It’s easy to see as an adult, but unfortunately many adults are the worse about trying to be like someone else. It took me a minute to figure this out, but I have no desire to be just like the people around me. How boring is that? I can learn nothing from those identical to me. Therefore I’m happy with whom I am and I can only be me.
5. I’m grateful for my spirituality. I am not one to challenge another’s beliefs. When you dismiss another person’s belief system, I think it tears them down versus building them up. There is no real teaching in telling someone how to or not to do something. It must be modeled. It must be lived and shown. Therefore I respect another’s religious practices and ask that they respect my choices. I grew up attending church. I’ve served in a few positions in church as well. I’ve even had the opportunity to be a guest speaker at churches we fellowshipped with. But eventually I learned to not embrace religion, but spirituality. And that lesson has been primarily taught to me by my interaction with reluctant churchgoers. These are not non-believers but people who because of “religious practices” have been turned off to attending church, and in some cases accepting Christianity. I do enjoy attending church service, but I recognize that the building I sit in matters not, as long as I can be spiritually fed. Although my spirituality is based on biblical readings and teachings, what God looks like I do not presume to say. It does not really matter to me, He’s black or white or if the pastor is a woman. The message should be the same regardless of whose mouth it’s uttered from, even if it steps on my toes. That’s where the breakdown occurs. That’s how most people get lost when the person presumed to be given a title by God adds their two cents. That is why we have so many translations. The vessel that God uses can be anyone and it can be for only one time. That often goes unrecognized. However because of the things that I have personally experienced I know that God exist and His Word exist in me. I also acknowledge His Word outside of me. I do not feel lost. I cannot sit high and point out another’s flaws. I can only focus on my own. For another, I can only hope that most of the time, I am a positive influence. Because I recognize that I am not perfect and while living will never reach that status. But I do believe in being a lifelong learner in all areas of my life. Therefore, I’ve moved away from the tradition of sitting somewhere just because it’s what I’ve always done every Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday. So, I go where I can 'intentionally' hear and learn, not just be caught up in the numbers. Today, that just may be streamingfaith.com :)
Wow, how did I end up here? Hmm, I just might lose someone today. But I also may inspire you to use your voice. So again I ask........what are you grateful for? Until next time......journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
Saturday, June 27, 2009
7 Days of Gratitude: Day 3
DrLife: Spiritual practice of the week: For the next 7 days, wake up and write 5 things that you are grateful for BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE!
It’s the weekend y’all!!.......and I’m on day 3……….
1. I’m grateful for patience. When challenged my initial thought is to immediately do something, to react. But I have learned to step back and take a 2nd look at my situation and wait. Whether it is dealing with my personal life or someone else’s child, I’ve come to find those breathing exercises to work. Now do I always do this? No. But I’m so much better than I was.
2. I’m grateful for guidance. The older we get the wiser we should become. As children, teenagers, and young adults, we are often dismissive of advice from our elders. Instead we seek advice from someone that’s right there in the trenches with us side by side. But as I’ve become older, I see the fault in that. Now my attitude is if I am going to make a mistake, let it be a new one. It makes no sense to make the same errors as those around me.
3. I’m grateful for faith. I’m so happy I’ve learned to accept that ‘this too shall pass’. That the next day or hour will be brighter. That whatever it is I’m up against will work itself out. And if it doesn’t, well apparently God has other plans for me.
4. I’m grateful for sensitivity. This is one I use to hate. How I could be so easily affected by what someone else thinks, says, or does. But its part of what makes me, me. It frames my thinking and helps me to be understanding when I don’t want to be understanding. It helps me to find the good in someone or something, and try to show kindness when needed the most. It keeps me balanced.
5. I’m grateful for acceptance. I use to be good (really just evil) at deciding who it is I will associate with based off of a ‘feeling’ I got. Not ever having a conversation, just a feeling. Now, taking people at face value has become much easier for me to do. I still have a couple of categories of folks I find difficult to talk to, but most I can carry a conversation with easily. However, there are still conditions and that is that your intentions are not to harm me or those around me mentally, emotionally or physically.
How blessed I am that you took the time to listen on this beautiful morning......now how blessed are you? Until next time....journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
It’s the weekend y’all!!.......and I’m on day 3……….
1. I’m grateful for patience. When challenged my initial thought is to immediately do something, to react. But I have learned to step back and take a 2nd look at my situation and wait. Whether it is dealing with my personal life or someone else’s child, I’ve come to find those breathing exercises to work. Now do I always do this? No. But I’m so much better than I was.
2. I’m grateful for guidance. The older we get the wiser we should become. As children, teenagers, and young adults, we are often dismissive of advice from our elders. Instead we seek advice from someone that’s right there in the trenches with us side by side. But as I’ve become older, I see the fault in that. Now my attitude is if I am going to make a mistake, let it be a new one. It makes no sense to make the same errors as those around me.
3. I’m grateful for faith. I’m so happy I’ve learned to accept that ‘this too shall pass’. That the next day or hour will be brighter. That whatever it is I’m up against will work itself out. And if it doesn’t, well apparently God has other plans for me.
4. I’m grateful for sensitivity. This is one I use to hate. How I could be so easily affected by what someone else thinks, says, or does. But its part of what makes me, me. It frames my thinking and helps me to be understanding when I don’t want to be understanding. It helps me to find the good in someone or something, and try to show kindness when needed the most. It keeps me balanced.
5. I’m grateful for acceptance. I use to be good (really just evil) at deciding who it is I will associate with based off of a ‘feeling’ I got. Not ever having a conversation, just a feeling. Now, taking people at face value has become much easier for me to do. I still have a couple of categories of folks I find difficult to talk to, but most I can carry a conversation with easily. However, there are still conditions and that is that your intentions are not to harm me or those around me mentally, emotionally or physically.
How blessed I am that you took the time to listen on this beautiful morning......now how blessed are you? Until next time....journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
Friday, June 26, 2009
7 Days of Gratitude: Day 2
DrLife: Spiritual practice of the week: For the next 7 days, wake up and write 5 things that you are grateful for BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE!
So much is going on in the world around me.....I'm on day 2.....
1. I'm grateful for laughter. I remember going through life and people always telling me to smile. If only the knew how much I do smile & laugh. I've learned that regardless of my circumstances, to keep smiling, keep laughing. Laughter truly is the best medicine and I have laughed myself out of some things that could hold me back from living.
2. I'm grateful for love. I think one of the main reason I married when I did is because I had never experienced the love that my ex displayed for me. I was very flattered and moved. Therefore I was never a question in my mind about how he felt about me. I've experienced the feeling of someone loving me for me and wanting the best for me. Now that I know what that feels like, I can't accept an imitation.
3. I'm grateful for motherhood. I only have one child. Who is now a man. It is the only pregnancy I've had and although, I was not married. I believe he was the one child intended for me. He hasn't grieved me in the way I've seen other mothers grieve. He isn't in the streets, nor jail. He has no kids. So as mad as I may get with him now, I remind myself that God gave me this particular child for a reason.
4. I'm grateful for a my upbringing. Ohh Lawd, the things I COULD say. The other night over dinner some friends and I strolled down the memory lane of discipline. But that discipline is what shaped me along with the love and care I received as a child and still do feel as an adult. The seed my parents planted in me was placed deeply. That is what allows me to be who I am without apology.
5. I'm grateful for childhood memories. When I think of tragedies that occur in the world, especially the death and abuse of children, I can't fathom what their lives must have looked like. I remember our whole family(cousins & all) spending time together year round. Sledding in the winter. Playing volleyball and baseball in the summer. Huge gathering for each holiday. Riding the greyhound with my cousins to visit our grandmothers every summer. Churning homemade ice cream at the family bbq every weekend. Even beatings with switches at those same bbqs and being told "thats your cousin y'all don't ever fight". Going to the A & W with my dad on the weekends for chilidogs. Packing ourselves in my aunt's car to go the beach. Trying on the school clothes that my mom brought home, because that's the way it was. Building a snow fortress and sand castles. Learning how to ride a bike even though my dad let me fall the first couple of times. My mom having hot chocolate waiting as I peeled out of the moonboots, snowmobile suit, leggings, extra sweater, hat, and mittens. My dad teaching me how to beat his friends at chess. Sitting between my mom's legs, while she frenchbraided and beaded my hair. My grandmother teaching me how to crochet and macrame. I'm so glad my family allowed me the opportunity to just be a child and not force my growth with adult situations and problems.
I'm sitting here smiling as I look back. How blessed I am to experience these things and more.......how blessed are you? Until next time....journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
So much is going on in the world around me.....I'm on day 2.....
1. I'm grateful for laughter. I remember going through life and people always telling me to smile. If only the knew how much I do smile & laugh. I've learned that regardless of my circumstances, to keep smiling, keep laughing. Laughter truly is the best medicine and I have laughed myself out of some things that could hold me back from living.
2. I'm grateful for love. I think one of the main reason I married when I did is because I had never experienced the love that my ex displayed for me. I was very flattered and moved. Therefore I was never a question in my mind about how he felt about me. I've experienced the feeling of someone loving me for me and wanting the best for me. Now that I know what that feels like, I can't accept an imitation.
3. I'm grateful for motherhood. I only have one child. Who is now a man. It is the only pregnancy I've had and although, I was not married. I believe he was the one child intended for me. He hasn't grieved me in the way I've seen other mothers grieve. He isn't in the streets, nor jail. He has no kids. So as mad as I may get with him now, I remind myself that God gave me this particular child for a reason.
4. I'm grateful for a my upbringing. Ohh Lawd, the things I COULD say. The other night over dinner some friends and I strolled down the memory lane of discipline. But that discipline is what shaped me along with the love and care I received as a child and still do feel as an adult. The seed my parents planted in me was placed deeply. That is what allows me to be who I am without apology.
5. I'm grateful for childhood memories. When I think of tragedies that occur in the world, especially the death and abuse of children, I can't fathom what their lives must have looked like. I remember our whole family(cousins & all) spending time together year round. Sledding in the winter. Playing volleyball and baseball in the summer. Huge gathering for each holiday. Riding the greyhound with my cousins to visit our grandmothers every summer. Churning homemade ice cream at the family bbq every weekend. Even beatings with switches at those same bbqs and being told "thats your cousin y'all don't ever fight". Going to the A & W with my dad on the weekends for chilidogs. Packing ourselves in my aunt's car to go the beach. Trying on the school clothes that my mom brought home, because that's the way it was. Building a snow fortress and sand castles. Learning how to ride a bike even though my dad let me fall the first couple of times. My mom having hot chocolate waiting as I peeled out of the moonboots, snowmobile suit, leggings, extra sweater, hat, and mittens. My dad teaching me how to beat his friends at chess. Sitting between my mom's legs, while she frenchbraided and beaded my hair. My grandmother teaching me how to crochet and macrame. I'm so glad my family allowed me the opportunity to just be a child and not force my growth with adult situations and problems.
I'm sitting here smiling as I look back. How blessed I am to experience these things and more.......how blessed are you? Until next time....journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
Thursday, June 25, 2009
7 Days of Gratitude: Day 1
A friend of mine posted the following statement on Twitter:
DrLife: Spiritual practice of the week: For the next 7 days, wake up and write 5 things that you are grateful for BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE!
Her tweet reminded me that it was time to review my 2009 goals and so far I've been making progress with all but that finance one. Ugh!! But anywho, the two goals I'm specifically thinking about regarding DrLife's tweets are to 'Improve my overall spiritual growth and giving' and 'Improve my relationship with self'. Because in order to give of yourself, I believe you must be able to also take care of yourself first. So I encourage myself by participating in a variety of things that cause me to grow. As I look at the statement above there's much to be grateful for.
1. I'm grateful that I still have life. As cliche as it may sound, on November 2, 1990, I rolled my car over an estimated 3 times in a rural area with two houses in sight. My car landed on its roof. I unbuckled myself, walked to the edge of the road, where someone caught me before I hit the concrete. I was in the hospital maybe 5 hours. Long enough for them to pull the shards of glass from my hand and head.
2. I'm grateful that I have my health. I hadn't been in the hospital overnight since Dom was born until last summer. I underwent surgery that required the removal of a ovarian cyst that grew to the size of a baseball in about 7 months as well as the removal of the tube on the opposite side. The cyst had began affecting my kidney's as well. So I had two additional doctors on site. But the one I was concerned with was the oncologist, just in case it was found to be cancerous. Thank God, he was just an observer that day. Ladies, pay attention to your bodies and make those yearly exams a birthday present to yourself.
3. I'm grateful for strength. While going through the divorce, I found myself with a lenghthy list of expenses that I was solely responsible for. My name was on everything. Eventually I was facing a foreclosure as my mortgage had been adjusting every 6 months. The last statement I remember was for almost $1600 per month. At that point, I decide to tell them they can have it. I could not fret about what was now out of my control. What was within my control is not sitting there waiting to be put out. So, I found a new place, packed up, moved, and started over. This was before the big mortgage fallout. I never hid my situation. In fact I believe in telling others, so they can be more aware of the responsibilities of home ownership.
4. I'm grateful for my family. No matter what has occured in my life. No matter what choices I have made. I have been phenomally blessed by a mother, father, sister, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and that boy of mine lol. They have always provided me with open arms, shoulders to lean and cry on, and encouragement to 'keep it moving'. I have met people who do not have the type of bond I have with my family. I can't imagine what that feels like and I pray that I will never have to.
5. I'm grateful for my friends. As I went through my divorce, I realized my social circle was my ex's family, friends, our church (pastored by his mom), and a couple of people I worked with. Other than that everyone else was miles & miles away and we spoke sporadically due to various obligations. Although I'm still just as close to my best friends from 20+ years ago, I have opened myself up to meeting other people. Most of the people I have encountered, I would never have imagined to be in my social circle. But now they are and they have proved to be better friends than many I've known for years.
Wow, that was long huh? lol. Well that's my first day of 7.......what are you grateful for? Until the next time......journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
DrLife: Spiritual practice of the week: For the next 7 days, wake up and write 5 things that you are grateful for BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE!
Her tweet reminded me that it was time to review my 2009 goals and so far I've been making progress with all but that finance one. Ugh!! But anywho, the two goals I'm specifically thinking about regarding DrLife's tweets are to 'Improve my overall spiritual growth and giving' and 'Improve my relationship with self'. Because in order to give of yourself, I believe you must be able to also take care of yourself first. So I encourage myself by participating in a variety of things that cause me to grow. As I look at the statement above there's much to be grateful for.
1. I'm grateful that I still have life. As cliche as it may sound, on November 2, 1990, I rolled my car over an estimated 3 times in a rural area with two houses in sight. My car landed on its roof. I unbuckled myself, walked to the edge of the road, where someone caught me before I hit the concrete. I was in the hospital maybe 5 hours. Long enough for them to pull the shards of glass from my hand and head.
2. I'm grateful that I have my health. I hadn't been in the hospital overnight since Dom was born until last summer. I underwent surgery that required the removal of a ovarian cyst that grew to the size of a baseball in about 7 months as well as the removal of the tube on the opposite side. The cyst had began affecting my kidney's as well. So I had two additional doctors on site. But the one I was concerned with was the oncologist, just in case it was found to be cancerous. Thank God, he was just an observer that day. Ladies, pay attention to your bodies and make those yearly exams a birthday present to yourself.
3. I'm grateful for strength. While going through the divorce, I found myself with a lenghthy list of expenses that I was solely responsible for. My name was on everything. Eventually I was facing a foreclosure as my mortgage had been adjusting every 6 months. The last statement I remember was for almost $1600 per month. At that point, I decide to tell them they can have it. I could not fret about what was now out of my control. What was within my control is not sitting there waiting to be put out. So, I found a new place, packed up, moved, and started over. This was before the big mortgage fallout. I never hid my situation. In fact I believe in telling others, so they can be more aware of the responsibilities of home ownership.
4. I'm grateful for my family. No matter what has occured in my life. No matter what choices I have made. I have been phenomally blessed by a mother, father, sister, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and that boy of mine lol. They have always provided me with open arms, shoulders to lean and cry on, and encouragement to 'keep it moving'. I have met people who do not have the type of bond I have with my family. I can't imagine what that feels like and I pray that I will never have to.
5. I'm grateful for my friends. As I went through my divorce, I realized my social circle was my ex's family, friends, our church (pastored by his mom), and a couple of people I worked with. Other than that everyone else was miles & miles away and we spoke sporadically due to various obligations. Although I'm still just as close to my best friends from 20+ years ago, I have opened myself up to meeting other people. Most of the people I have encountered, I would never have imagined to be in my social circle. But now they are and they have proved to be better friends than many I've known for years.
Wow, that was long huh? lol. Well that's my first day of 7.......what are you grateful for? Until the next time......journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
Monday, February 9, 2009
Memories of Spring 1990
Today, my son entered his 19th year of life and although this prose was done as a writing exercise a few years ago, it brings a smile to my face each time I read it. So now I'm sharing it with you.
As I watch him, lying there, sleeping so peacefully, I wonder did God intend to give him to me? At night, I go to his crib and stare at him intently crying in silence not really knowing what’s in store for us. Now, here I am over a month later once again questioning God’s intent for me. I mean look at his tiny little hands and feet. He’s so fragile. I’m still afraid to hold him. As he sleeps, he looks like he’s smiling. I wonder what’s on your mind, little warrior. Are you thinking about your future the way I am? I wonder daily where he will fall in this world built on greed and envy. Will he grow to be someone admired by the world? Or just the local street thugs? Will he grow to become a strong man, husband, and father? Or just another man following in his father’s and grandfather’s footsteps not knowing how to be a father himself? How will I know what to do? Will I be able to comfort him with the trials he will face in his life? Counsel him through pain and loss? Will I be able to teach him how to ride a bike, throw a football, drive a car? Can I actually teach him how a real man treats a real woman? Look at my little warrior, Dominique Ashanti, sleeping without a care in the world. I stand next to his crib hoping I will be able to handle the task set before me. And at that moment, on a rainy day in March 1990, the Lord saw fit to tell me "Erika, you and this child I’ve given you, will be just fine".
Written March 2006 by Erika G.
As I watch him, lying there, sleeping so peacefully, I wonder did God intend to give him to me? At night, I go to his crib and stare at him intently crying in silence not really knowing what’s in store for us. Now, here I am over a month later once again questioning God’s intent for me. I mean look at his tiny little hands and feet. He’s so fragile. I’m still afraid to hold him. As he sleeps, he looks like he’s smiling. I wonder what’s on your mind, little warrior. Are you thinking about your future the way I am? I wonder daily where he will fall in this world built on greed and envy. Will he grow to be someone admired by the world? Or just the local street thugs? Will he grow to become a strong man, husband, and father? Or just another man following in his father’s and grandfather’s footsteps not knowing how to be a father himself? How will I know what to do? Will I be able to comfort him with the trials he will face in his life? Counsel him through pain and loss? Will I be able to teach him how to ride a bike, throw a football, drive a car? Can I actually teach him how a real man treats a real woman? Look at my little warrior, Dominique Ashanti, sleeping without a care in the world. I stand next to his crib hoping I will be able to handle the task set before me. And at that moment, on a rainy day in March 1990, the Lord saw fit to tell me "Erika, you and this child I’ve given you, will be just fine".
Written March 2006 by Erika G.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Just My Thoughts: 2008 Reflections
As the year comes to an end, I am reminded that allowing one door to close will also make way for another to be opened. With that in mind, I, like so many others, desire to make the changes necessary to facilitate a 2009 that will surpass my 2008. Although the year may have included such disappointments as the failure of our economic structure and increases in the unemployment rate, for many of my family and friends blessings were in abundance. My mom purchased a home. My son graduated high school. Several of my friends became engaged (some to each other). Job promotions took others across town and even across the country. New love flourished for quite a few. New life is taking shape in the body of a two. And yet another set sail for Harvard to pursue her aspirations.
I could dwell on my son not exactly following the path I desired for him or even the short period of time that I was without a home. I could complain about the confirmation of not being able to have another child and the surgery that went along with it. Or maybe I could rant about my failed relationship and job woes. But I won’t. Because regardless of these things I still have life and the ability to see the sun rise in the east and set in the west. I was blessed with a son that was designed just for me and not one that has caused me true heartache and pain, but just a few headaches.:)I can never say I haven’t loved or experienced the feeling of being loved. I’ve had the pleasure of knowing both. I have a career that I still love. And even though I lost a friend, I can say I had the pleasure of knowing him. So to you I say keep the good close to your heart and learn from the rest as it guides you in your future. Until the next time……journey light.
Love, peace, prosperity, joy, happiness and an abundance of blessings to you and yours,
Erika
I could dwell on my son not exactly following the path I desired for him or even the short period of time that I was without a home. I could complain about the confirmation of not being able to have another child and the surgery that went along with it. Or maybe I could rant about my failed relationship and job woes. But I won’t. Because regardless of these things I still have life and the ability to see the sun rise in the east and set in the west. I was blessed with a son that was designed just for me and not one that has caused me true heartache and pain, but just a few headaches.:)I can never say I haven’t loved or experienced the feeling of being loved. I’ve had the pleasure of knowing both. I have a career that I still love. And even though I lost a friend, I can say I had the pleasure of knowing him. So to you I say keep the good close to your heart and learn from the rest as it guides you in your future. Until the next time……journey light.
Love, peace, prosperity, joy, happiness and an abundance of blessings to you and yours,
Erika
Sunday, December 14, 2008
A Week of Simply Divine Happenings
Good Evening Beautiful People,
Many times when Sunday evening rolls around, I fall into a funk. I begin to feel physically drained, unable to become motivated to even eat. This is usually brought on by the thought of my Monday morning return to a place I now refer to as Pharoah's Land. Now I know many may frown on such a comparison. Especially as we sit in the midst of an economy turned upside down. I hear your thoughts "Be grateful, you have a job". Trust me, I am. But it is what it is and we all have had to deal with foolishness on the job before, spoke ill of the company, and rolled right back in there smiling because ultimately we need to pay our bills. So today, I started sliding down that slippery slope, but stopped to think of the truly simple things that transpired this past week and I began to feel better. So, here they are:
E
Many times when Sunday evening rolls around, I fall into a funk. I begin to feel physically drained, unable to become motivated to even eat. This is usually brought on by the thought of my Monday morning return to a place I now refer to as Pharoah's Land. Now I know many may frown on such a comparison. Especially as we sit in the midst of an economy turned upside down. I hear your thoughts "Be grateful, you have a job". Trust me, I am. But it is what it is and we all have had to deal with foolishness on the job before, spoke ill of the company, and rolled right back in there smiling because ultimately we need to pay our bills. So today, I started sliding down that slippery slope, but stopped to think of the truly simple things that transpired this past week and I began to feel better. So, here they are:
- Giving the clerk a $20 for gas to fill up and getting change back
- Being in serious pain at work and one of my "problem" students demanding that the others act right because "Ms. G don't feel well"
- Another one of my students singing "Santa Claus Go Straight to the Ghetto"
- Getting back on track with my poetry and sharing three of my pieces at SIP's Open Mic
- Having the opportunity to just chill with one of my girl's and enjoy a different genre of music then the norm
- Rocking my twa with and without makeup and being told how beautiful I am
- Running into one of my highschool classmates from Michigan at my neighborhood Publix in Atlanta
- And finally, topping the list is my Friday morning drive to work........I was running late and one of the idiot lights came on as my car decided it didn't feel the need to go faster than 50 mph on the highway. So of course my thoughts were I need a "payment plan" mechanic, but the simple remedy was transmission fluid........sad I know, but cheap!
E
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