Hmm Throw Out the Old...

~TODAY'S QUOTE~

“Be who you are and say what you feel because people who mind don’t matter and people who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss

Daily Horoscopes Free for Every Zodiac Sign - Tarot.com via kwout

So I was sitting here thinking about what I can do to become a better mother, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, friend, coworker, etc and the quote above came to mind. I remember reading it many times before and not thinking much about it, but today for whatever reason I couldn't shake it.  

All I can do is be the best me possible, who knows me will get that. Those that don't, well they probably don't significantly impact my life anyway. Not necessarily a new idea, but one I struggle with often, because I do fall in and out of the desire to be understood. I do desire to improve my relationships with people. I do care what others think. Just being real. However, ultimately I need to work on being a better me. That person will attract what's needed to stay positive. So, in turn I just need to start cleaning house in more ways than one.

Journey light,

E

The Game-changer: Saying What's On Your Mind

~TODAY'S QUOTE~

"El que no llora, no mama."

~TODAY'S HOROSCOPE~

Cancer's Horoscope (Jun 21 - Jul 22) 

Saturday, March 23, 2013

When confronted with unpleasant situations, you often pull into your shell where
you are safely out of harm's way. Unfortunately, the danger of this evasive strategy is
that your unexpressed anger may create more problems now than a short-lived conflict.
You have a chance to positively impact your weekend, but you must be willing to take
a risk and let others know why you aren't happy. Getting your feelings out into the open
can be the game-changer you need to shake up your life.

After reading my horoscope today, I found the above quote to be a perfect fit. Translated the quote means "He who does not cry, does not suckle" or what we know as "A closed mouth does not get fed." This lesson on assertiveness took me years to learn, as well as how to apply it.  A character trait that once defeated me was to not say anything in order to avoid arguing or pushing away someone I wanted in my life. The problem in that was two-fold.  I pondered the situation until I was emotionally weak leaving me without a voice in the friendship/relationship. IF When I finally did bring it up, it was after something else had occurred.  I was also on edge due to multitude of other things I hadn't addressed early on. The bubble would burst -here comes the argument.  An argument I initially attempted to avoid. Once that bridge was crossed, anything and everything, and I place emphasis on EVERYTHING came out of my mouth. Not pretty at all. 

Today, I won't say that I'm a different person. Just older and wiser ;-). I've learned to simply say what's on my mind, while taming my tongue. It was a necessary lesson that now assists me in moving forward and discerning who I should move forward with, even if I truly care for the person. I understand that expressing my thoughts will not always go my way, but I also am enlightened to who around me will listen. We can always agree to disagree. But what I can't have is someone in my circle that is only concerned about their own needs. I believe we all carry a trait of narcissism but the simplest courtesies to another can go the distance. After all, sometimes it really is just that simple. :-)

Journey light,

E

Day 1: 30 Day Cardio Challenge & How I Plan to Tackle It!

Hey Beautiful! Ever get an invite of some sort and click "Yes" without reading ALL the details? That is exactly what I did and found myself agreeing to Mr. Shut Up and Train's 30 Day Cardio Challenge. -_-
It's so much more to it than drinking more water and a few minutes of cardio!

Day 1: Baseline Assessment
Admittedly, it was more of a struggle than I thought it would be to complete the baseline. Nevertheless, it was a much needed kickstarter. It was confirmation of what I already knew. As I age, I must work harder to be healthy and fit. Furthermore, I can not continue to accept my size, irregular sleep patterns, and bouts of emotional eating as something I can change alone. Not to mention, I'm asthmatic and have had other problems develop when I catch a bug. Therefore, my goal is not to be thin, but healthy. I have to fully open my eyes to what will help me achieve my goals and use those tools.

Tool #1 - Acceptance
Prior to even knowing this challenge existed, I had the man-child snap some "before" photos of me. I didn't think I would be posting them now. In my mind, knowing that my weight fluctuates seasonally, I figured after a few months I would be back on the other side of MY normal. I could then post my Hershey Chocolate Bar-Ben & Jerry's look alongside my Jenny Craig-Weight Watcher-Jennifer Hudson smile pictures. However, life is showing me how to handle acceptance in a different manner. I have to first accept my present state and work toward change in a way that is healthy and long lasting.

Tool #2: Accountability
I can predict that this is going to be an intense journey and I'm asking all of you to come along! I know there is someone out there in need of another with true nagging skills. You can do it! :-) Isn't it funny how we can tell each other what to do, but often fall short with ourselves? That's the beauty of group projects.  Everyone pushes each other to do their share!

Tool #3 Perseverance
I have set my mind to the tune -"Make It Last Forever".  As much as I embraced and enjoyed turning 40  (one of my better seasons), I am not all that ecstatic about the changes that came afterwards. I never thought I would envy a 20 something for ANYTHING! But I do. I HATE that I didn't consider that eventually age would catch up with me! I can't stand them and their little midriff shirts and the ability to wear 4 inch heels to the park!  Lol.  Yes I do envy them for that, but I wonder who's warning them to lay off of those $1 menus?? After all, why should we suffer alone? So to the 20s, 30s, 40s and up -tell yourself "Shut Up and Train!!

Journey light,
E

Celebrating New Year's Eve Alone

Son: "What you got going tonight?"

Me: "I'm celebrating me!"

Son: "Really? No, what are you doing??"

Me: "I'm celebrating me. Dinner, wine, movie, bath, etc."



Of course he gave me the side eye shook his head and I could see the cartoon air balloon above his head with the phrase "My mom officially doesn't have a life". Maybe I don't. But I believe, life is how you perceive it. You can grumble or rejoice in the small things. Tonight I'm keeping it simple and celebrating me. I can go through the routine of changing from one outfit to another without concern for time. I can enjoy a few glasses of wine and fall out in my own bed afterwards.  This is a self project, so anything goes and I've already started my party.  As I draw my bath, I decided to share with those of you who decided to stay in tonight but may be wondering what to do next.

My How to Enjoy You Guide

• Set the mood and light some candles. Burning candles not only makes the room smell nice, but it provides an ambiance of peace and tranquility.  
• Enjoy dinner and a movie. Earlier this evening, I stopped by the Cheesecake Bistro and picked up one of my favorite dishes and rented a couple of movies from Redbox.
• Sip on something bubbly and nibble on something sweet.  I don't care for champagne, so I opted for a bottle of prosecco instead and ordered a white chocolate bread pudding. Trying my best to save both of these for later.
• Pamper yourself. Since everyone is headed out, there is no better time to enjoy a soothing, hot bubble bath free of noise and distractions. 
• Dance like no one's watching. One of the best things about that quote is that literally and figuratively, we should take time out to do whatever makes us feel good. Tonight may be a perfect time to try some new looks and dance in the mirror while doing so.
• Set some new goals or revisit old ones. I've never created a vision board but I always write down my goals and go back to see where I am.  This year I'm starting a new journal and adding some pictures. Guess I'll call it a "vision book" instead.
• Look for inspiration.  Some of us are inspired by God, others by people.  I'm moved by both. So tonight I'll being downloading a new book to start reading in the new year.

Well that's it. I'm off to my DIY home spa now. :-) 

May you love harder, think deeper, and climb higher than you ever imagined! Wishing you a safe and Happy New Year!  

Just My Thoughts: It Is What It Is

Today's Outlook

Cancer (6/22-7/22)
Is it a case of mistaken identity, or are you just really seeing this person's true colors for the first time? Play detective when it comes to the past. In light of their recent behavior, you may no longer dismiss some erratic or inconsiderate behaviors as 'just one of those things.' In fact, it may be part of a pretty clear pattern. Now that you have the evidence assembled in front of you, you have to decide what to do next. Let your conscience be your guide.

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I've always found it a bit odd that my daily horoscope which I choose to read sporadically and often at the end of the day lines up so conveniently perfect with yesterday's issue. But then I normally reason that I'm sure everyone is going through a very similiar situation regardless of what their sun sign happens to be. But nope...not this time. It simply is, what it is....and for me if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, well then damnitallhell I should know what it is. Doesn't matter how much I may want it to be something else it still remains the same.

As the last line of my outlook suggests, I do allow my conscience to be my guide. Not only that, the older I become the less tolerant I am of waiting games. I don't think I need to see if what I'm feeling now is going to ever go away or if I'm being irrational. I think the fact that a seed of doubt was allowed to take root because no one's trying to stop it speaks volumes. Therefore I just keep it moving. Just this way of thinking in itself has kept me from being the crazy jealous type. You know the one who goes through your emails, text messages, instant messages, snail mail, etc. Counts your condoms or hides one just to see what you can come up with off the top of your head when I demand to know what happens to it. Follows you, shows up at your spot unannounced, calls you all night while you're out with fellas and accuses you of being with someone else. I can keep going. Not because I've done it but because I've had it done to me AND I happen to have a couple of friends whom I love dearly believe "by any means necessary" is fair in games of love and war. I just think if you allow those suspicions to overshadow your thoughts of anything else, its time to let something or someone go.

So is it possible that my way of thinking is warped? Could be. I have no problem accepting that to be the case. But I also have no problem with this being my life and feeling like no one else is entitled to come through and force me to accept something less then what I need. Notice I didn't say want ;-)

Several months ago a friend of mine was venting about things and people who were offering no value to her life and slowly but surely trimming the excess baggage. At the time I thought her words were crude, but I now fully understand what she was expressing and have come to appreciate the introduction to the lesson that would be drawn upon later. As it applies to me today, I am looking around at people and things myself and not only asking the same question she posed but turning it back on myself. So in the next several weeks I have two things to focus on-what value does this part of the journey add to my life and what value do I add to it. Until next time....journey light.

Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,

E

Just My Thoughts: If 30 is the New 20, What is 40?

“Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die tomorrow” ~James Dean

It would be a beautiful thing if I could lie down, close my eyes, and go to sleep. But I’m up pondering and questioning my rationale for making certain decisions in life and dreaming. I always go back and forth on the sleep thing, but lately it’s been different. Today I realized that it's due to the fact that this is my year. Not the 2010 everyone's chattering about, but my year to hit a milestone. I turn 40 in July.

Due to this I’ve been rereading my journals, private blogs, goals from a few years ago. Thumbing through my 30s, I noticed a considerable shift in my opinions and acceptance. I’m more of a free thinker and social butterfly but I’m still an introvert. Some refer to this as a change in seasons. I'm thinking I've finally found a good portion of me. And I refer to it as a portion, because I know if blessed to see 50 I’ll think the same thing as my needs will surely continue to change. I also noticed I set targets just as I did with my 30th that I wanted to have accomplished by now. This actually led to an emotional moment I shared with my sister last week in light of another situation that caused me to question myself and God. However she reminded me that the many things I was upset about I had already experienced, so it’s not as though these things never came to fruition. Once I moved the other chaos to the side and refreshed my memory, I once again became okay with my good and bad.

I know me. I know my likes and dislikes. I understand my errors in judgment and why I do what I do. I know when I’m ready and when I’m not. I recognize my strengths and weaknesses. I’m often positive, but stumble into negative. Sometimes confident, other times shy. I’m often very emotional but I refuse to argue, so I can appear cold. I am me. Which brings me to a thin line of acceptance - do I actively and aggressively seek to change these things at 40? And who exactly am I changing to satisfy? Myself?

As a life long learner, I do plan on adding to my dimension, but certain inner findings I believe if addressed too soon will cause the rubber band effect. I will expand for a minute, then eventually return back to my original state or break and be of no real value in that particularly area. Have you ever been around someone that tries TOO HARD? It becomes difficult to believe their sincerity - therefore rendering them useless. I don’t want to fall in that category. So I’ve decided to stop looking at my age and just look at me.

I think one of my greatest strengths is sticking with what comes natural to me and not forcing anything. Some things I’ve tried because honestly, it was suggested to me by someone else. Maybe that defines me as a follower, but maybe it allows me to stand out in being genuine in what I do and believe. I’m not a 100% but I’m not a 50 either. I’ve benefited greatly from those around me, as I’ve been able to see things with a different set of eyes. Whether it be friend or mate, I think each association should add something of value to my life and I their’s. So that’s how my balance is created. Does that mean I’m cleaning house? Quite the contrary, it simply means with each passing day I better understand my and everyone’s role. In other words, I’m playing my position and not concerning myself with the time on the clock. I’ve always admitted to be a dreamer and I try hard not to, but my quote for today is who I am and I don’t believe I’m close to the end of my journey. So I won’t let my age become a deterrent for accepting love, joy, and prosperity in my life. Until next time…journey light.

Luv, peace, and joy in what you do,

E

Just My Thoughts: 2010 and beyond

Each year as the clock strikes midnight in our respective timezones, millions are prepared to abide by whatever resolution deemed necessary for their personal growth. Most often I hear resolutions based upon the idea that something should be given up. Something that is normally attached to a physical craving such as cigarettes, sweets, sex, etc. I tend to cringe at the perception many people have about resolutions. As many times, they are viewed as an oath made, that once broken seems to no longer be of importance for the balance of the year. But how does one dispose of something supposedly so vital to their growth? And then wait until the next year to start over again? Hmm.....I don't know, but the crazy thing is I've done it myself. So I stopped placing so much importance on resolutions years ago. Afterall a resolution is simply a decision to do something. The action that follows is what gives it value. Therefore the promises we make to ourselves should factor in the possibility of failure IF we presume to believe at 12:01 am on January 1, 20xx, we will never again - smoke, drink, or curse - eat pork, beef or candy - have or participate in lustful thoughts or actions, and so on.

When reassessed regularly, I've found my energies are better utilized setting goals and objectives throughout the year, just as I do for my students. So with that being said, I have considered all the things I hope for and placed them in 4 core concepts for personal growth that I attempt to work on regularly.


1. Improve My Overall Health and Wellness
Last year, I managed to continue working on improving my eating habits and although I stopped going to the gym mid-year, I did get in some alternative ways to work out. My asthma is under control and it doesn't look like I have to go through another surgery for the fibroids. YAY!! So this year, I'm going to get back in the habit of cooking. I'm sure a few of you have something to say....but as I've stated before I can cook-I choose not too. But this time I'm aiming for healthier meals, not the ones I cooked for the ex-hubby & the manchild that had us all gaining more than we should have :). Add to that- those belly dancing classes I've been talking about, and more rock climbing and other outdoor activities. Bottom line -I gotta be like Nike, and Just Do IT!

2. Improve My Finances and Savings
This one did not go so well for 2009. I stepped backwards due to my unscheduled vacation :), but not so far that I can't rebound. Although, I have a considerable chunk missing for the next few months due to the prorate on my contract, I will still be able to pay off my car in the next few months. Which I will continue to drive because I hear it rides much better without a car note! Taking that into consideration, I have implemented a budget that works well and will have me positioned to save even more when my new contract starts. So I will be able to add investing (outside of what my job offers) to this list. Plus I'm planning to move in the next couple of months and I am learning to be more disciplined then I have ever been before.

3. Improve my Spiritual Growth and Giving
If you know me, than you already know my church history (Ex-husband is a minister, Ex-mother-in-law was my Pastor (really still is), I served wherever I needed to, etc) I still find it difficult to find a church HOME, but I did manage to find a place that I love to attend on occasion that welcomes all beliefs and the core is still bible-based. And although, I still find it difficult to regain that level of committment to a building, I've grown in the areas of giving. Which was one of the things I desired to do more of. This year I want to continue in giving more of my time and resources, but I also plan to invest more time in learning about other religions....especially those that divide us. It may not be considered as spiritual growth to some, but I believe to learn and respect another's belief system and take the time to try and find aspects to appreciate aids in spiritual growth, especially in the area of loving each other.

4. Improve My Relationship With Self
I'm still struggling with the practice of placing everyone else's feelings, problems, and needs before my own. I think my largest hurdle was holding onto my son, which I've managed to cross over. I've said before that I have been a friend to some who are not even friends to themselves which tends to leave me in a funk and torn. But I've recently discovered that part of my problem is romanticizing a situation instead of taking it at face value and moving on. Therefore, I have to continue to work on doing those things that allow me to love and enjoy me. In dealing with others, I can and will accept them where they are but I must and will be true to what I want and need. By continuing to improve my relationship with self, I'm ready to move in the direction of fully working on a relationship with someone else.


Note: Goals should be attainable. They should be within reach, so as not to be a road to disappointment. I realize that some of my goals don't have a definitive action or measure. That's by design. My goals are ongoing, as learning is life long. Until the next time.....journey light.

Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E

Just My Thoughts: 2009 Reflections

As I reviewed my 2008 reflections, I found that I could almost repost it as is. Our economy is still taking hits, high unemployment rates across the nation continue to be an issue, and then there's the worries I have about my only child. And although I dealt with a few personal disappointments myself, such as being unemployed for a short period of time and feeling like I'm having to start over yet again, I've managed to find the silver lining.

For exampe, my resignation from my school district allowed me to be rehired into another assignment I enjoy. My temporary lack of income did not leave me homeless. Although, I've prided myself on a certain amount of independence, moving in with my cousins allowed us to become close again and assist them as well. Which leads to the "forced" independence of my son. lol. I say that because as much as I stood my ground on him moving out, I've wanted to throw him a life jacket on several occasions but couldn't because of my own lack of resources and a place to call my own. In a recent conversation we had, I discovered that he's finally moving in the right direction for him (not for me) and I'm good with knowing he'll be alright.

What I will repeat from that 2008 reflection post that remains the same is this:

.......regardless of these things I still have life and the ability to see the sun rise in the east and set in the west. I was blessed with a son that was designed just for me and not one that has caused me true heartache and pain, but just a few headaches.:)I can never say I haven’t loved or experienced the feeling of being loved. I’ve had the pleasure of knowing both. I have a career that I still love....

Until the next time……journey light.

Love, peace, prosperity, joy, happiness and an abundance of blessings to you and yours,

Erika

Just My Thoughts: Learning, Living, Loving

Cancer (6/22-7/22)
Today’s horoscope: You will be struck by visions of what can be today -- when you look at a child, you'll see a glimpse of the talented adult they might grow up to become. When you look at an empty lot, you'll see the elaborate mansion that could stand there some day. It's a day of fanciful imagining and creativity, so apply your most positive way of thinking to everything you see. Imagine things the way you want them to be, and you will give the universe some hints to go on.

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Early GM Beautiful...Today I'm grateful for God, His arms, His peace, His voice, and friends who've always been there...you never know what someone else is going through, so try being the smile in the middle of confusion instead of the frown...keep loving one another
Yes, I know I’m a bit early lol. I toke a nap and it was way longer then I intended, which means I’m up and thinking. But I promise to try to make this quick ;-)

The last few days have been up and down for me, yet eye-opening. Often I have to go around the world to process how I need to deal with certain things/people. But I feel like that journey doesn’t take as long as it use too. Well sometimes J. Anywho, I spent some well overdue quality time with my closest friends, had some painful talks, learned about Hajj, experienced the best Sunday worship experience I’ve had in a while, and faced a few fears. But more then that after going through several emotions I’m feeling like I’m learning to put me second when it matters most. Not when it comes to winning friends, but when someone else’s burdens/fears out rank my own. I’ve come to realize more and more with each passing day that everyone is struggling with something and this is not the time to question what or dwell on the past. This is the time to be there if you truly consider them a friend.

I don’t know the specifics of what everyone is going through (I don’t need to). I pray that each of you that reads this (tagged or untagged), find joy in the simple things. Remember those things that made you laugh the hardest or smile the widest. When you find yourself needing to cry, consider your tears as the cleanser your soul, mind, and heart need to make way for something new. Sometimes we need a good cry to purge all the old stuff we’ve been carrying around that is useless or keeps us in pain. I pray that your desire to understand why doesn’t create a feeling of anger that consumes you. I pray that each day you wake with a renewed spirit and mind. And I ask that you do the same for me as these things are easy to say but often difficult to apply to self. This is not specific to any particular religious affiliation. This is about learning, living, and loving. Which brings me to my last request, I ask that you continue to love one another. Love you all. Until next time...journey light.

Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E

Just My Thoughts: Need to Rearrange Some Things

Cancer (6/22-7/22) You’ve been telling everyone about the new projects you want to start, and everyone has been wonderfully supportive. But today, they might start to get impatient. It's time to get going and put your energy into fulfilling your promises. It's a great day to initiate things anyway, so take advantage of it -- put things in motion! If you don't do it today, you run the very real risk of getting a reputation for being flaky.
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GM Beautiful...Today I'm grateful for God, His love, His protection, His revelation and His messengers…I’m still loving living learning… “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace…”~Reinhold Niebuhr

As a friend advised me, when in doubt refer to that prayer your grandmother and most older folks have posted somewhere in their home, I asked “Are you referring to the Serenity Prayer?” Funny this is the very prayer my dad would refer to when I was going through something. This was mainly because I had a hard time with the ‘accepting’ part. Yes, I realize that’s right at the beginning. Just being real about my progress. So now I’m revisiting the ‘courage to change’ section.

Growing up, my mother maintained a certain level of organization and rearranged the furniture often. When I owned a home, I use to believe I did the same thing because I inherited the constant moving/organizing trait from her. But I later realized that it was simply because I get bored with the same arrangement after some time has passed and the dust has settled.
That boredom often translates into my relationships with others, my career, my spirituality, and my hobbies. But one thing I never seem to bore of is the opportunity for growth. So if all those areas are growing then I’m good. Unfortunately, after taking a long hard look they are not. Because honestly I slow down right near the edge of the runway and hesitate. Maybe it’s because of fear or possibly feeling overwhelmed. Whatever it is, either excuse is not a good one. So after taking a long hard look at where all ‘my stuff’ is currently sitting, I’m finding it’s time to move things around again.

Originally I thought about listing the many projects I have swimming in my head but have yet to begin or complete. Thinking maybe sharing them in a public forum will help me to be accountable. However I decided to only name one as sometimes its not good to reveal what one’s plans are. Because surely someone will throw a monkey wrench in it or a couple of “frenemies” will attempt to talk you out of your plans. So in saying that I decided I’d only share this…..Imma start by having a talk with God. We’re way overdue on a couple of topics and I need him to move the larger pieces that I keep trying to drag around on my on. Otherwise, without him everything will remain scattered and unorganized. Nothing will be where it’s supposed to be and comfort will be hard to come by. Why am I sharing this? Because I’m guessing someone can relate and is wondering where to start in this rearranging process. Not to mention, sometimes it’s just that simple. Until next time...journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E

Just My Thoughts: Positivism

Today's Horoscope:

 Cancer (6/22-7/22)

Your friends are adding a lot of positivism to your life right now -- and they represent the answer to the puzzle you've been trying to figure out. One of them also has an excellent idea that can help you initiate a new plan of action for that latest goal. They know how to turn on the ambitious part of your brain and get you to see the endless possibilities that are around you. Call them up today and make plans for lunch or brunch. Pick their brain and get the energy you need.

**Hmm, I'm thinking I need to call/text/email Smoochie, Tiff, or Tommy cuz according to this, one of y'all have a word for me :)***

Good Morning Beautiful,

Yes I'm talking to you! and you over there too! So go get that cup of coffee and pay attention! LOL. I normally don't follow horoscopes, but every now and then I will see something that peeks my interest and drives me. I know many balk at horoscopes as superstitious mumbo jumbo, but I think its all about perception.  I believe IF there is a positive message in it - it will activate you to gravitate toward the prediction presented making it your reality.  In other words, the horoscope's message does not become true until you act upon it. And I'm not mad at today's message :) 

One of my goals this year (and every year) is to improve my finances and savings. Last week I attended my Girls Just Wanna Have Funds meetup and the topic was "Multiple Streams of Income" or what most of us refer to as a side hustle.  One of my friends, is probably the master at this concept and she regularly blogs about finance and how to take it to the next level.  Well with this particular meeting, I went in already armed with several ideas but left with the attitude that this is the time to turn my aspirations into action!  Therefore, one of the first things I decided was I must rededicate myself to what I'm currently doing, which is teaching.  I love what I do and believe there is a way to work certain aspects of it into my future endeavors.

This may not be the case for a lot of people.  Most of us will become bogged down in the routine of our jobs and despise it later.  As for me, I have a love/hate relationship with my school and still see the possibilities and I am ready to move on.  However, I believe in order to do so I need to master my current career while preparing to transition into another.  I must go in with the attitude that "Today will be different", because that attitude will help me to endure the disappointments that come with doing my own thing.  Therefore, if I make what I'm doing right now easier, my mind will be free to focus my attention on planning my future.  Not just going to school to secure another degree to increase my pay, but tapping into resources that will increase my happiness and fulfill my ambitions.  Although, I wanted to change schools, I do not want to make moves simply because the "grass looks greener".  I want those changes to come because I see the rewards and have a true desire that I am willing to work at diligently.  I no longer want to just be good at what I do, but take hold of my own ideas, cultivate them and watch them grow.  Until the next time.......journey light.

Luv, peace, and fulfillment,

E

Simple Things: Embracing Time Alone

"Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self" - May Sarton

There was once a time when I fell in a funk for a few days and could not place my finger on the exact cause of its source.  However as I become more aware of self, it has become much easier to point out the origination of my foul disposition and accept it.  Now some of you may wonder why accept something that normally causes many of us to lie in bed for days or eat a tub of ice cream in one sitting.  Well if it were depression I would be more concerned, but it's not.  Depression is an illness that far outweighs life's ups and downs and should not be taken of lightly.  My complaints do not come close to what many people suffer with on a daily basis.  

What I am referring to is just a case of the blues.  Normally triggered by a setback of some sort.  With that being said, I am learning to take that negative energy and turn it into something positive.  Afterall, a setback is not permanent unless I allow it to be.  So instead of feeling lonely and defeated, I embrace the idea of time alone as a gift from God.  There once was a time that I would get so caught up in everything and everyone else that I would attempt to work through the phase. Now I stop and breathe.  I do what feels best for me.  I reassess my life and what I want to occur from that day forward.  I look at what I need to do and begin to implement those things in my life. I do so in solitude, because if I include my family and friends, I may not hear the message intended for me. Until next time......journey light.

Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings

E

This Valentine's Day Hoopla!

No - I'm not angry because I'm single. Matter of fact, I need my coupled up friends to stop looking at me like I have leprosy and trying to send me on blind dates. lol. My status is chosen and I embrace it whole heartedly! Don't get me wrong - I'm not against loving relationships . I love the ideal of love, being in love and all that comes with it. As long as he and I are working toward common goals, can enjoy each other as friends, and trust enough in our relationship that we can also have a life outside of each other, I'm down. Plus I need to keep my own place and he keep his :) But anywho, I'm more down with loving myself first. Since my divorce, I have had two relationships and both have proven to be more draining than motivating, therefore I am so in love with me right now, its sick. I'm much more motivated to do the things I enjoying like writing, when my eyes are not all glazed over and my heart is not all involved. Don't know why. It is what it is :)

So I thought in the spirit of self love, I would share this piece I wrote a while back. Until the next time.......journey light.

Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings

E




I Never Imagined…



I never imagined you
Curiosity has me in its hand
Like Alice perusing Wonderland
I journeyed down the rabbit hole
Allowing another chapter to unfold
Reaching the other side untouched
I never realized I’d need you this much
An adventure designed just for me
Desires revealed that only I could see
And now that your presence is known
I’m afraid to let you go back to your home

Before
I had
routines
boredom
uneventful days
predictable nights
thoughts that
screamed
Did I do the right thing?
Did I make the right choice?
Is it too late to change my mind?
You or him?
Him or you?
Constantly I questioned my own rational
My thoughts were inexplicable
This new route played out in my mind
again and again
and I was afraid to start
afraid to move forward alone
But I’ve learned to focus
Focus on you

So I step forward boldly
Claiming my new season
Unyielding to previously failed visions
Shaping and molding new plans
Not limiting my faith to another man
Considering the newness of your smile
Replaying and revising my life’s profile
Appreciating your view of the world and others
Your ability to welcome what life has to offer
While I’ve always struggled with skepticism
Your optimism overrides my pessimism
I enjoy watching your eyes sparkle with anticipation
A look I could never achieve without hesitation
And I thank you for being my friend
I promise to never look back again
but to accept you unconditionally
because after all you are
simply the other side
a reflection of me

Catching Up on Goals

First let me say, "Did y'all see my President doing the bump?" LOL. Uhm, so as you can see, it's pretty easy for me to fall off on this blogging thing. But before I say anything else I want to give shouts to Geri & Shana for keeping me company here on Blogger. This blog feeds to my facebook account, so the majority of the comments are there. But it feels good to come here and see I have visitors! You two are the bomb!! **Remember when people said that? :-))

Sooooo, I've been trying to figure out how structured this blog should really be, but because I have so many ideas, I can safely say it's not coming to me today. What I did want to share was the progress on my goals. Yay!!

As some of you may recall I had 4 categories : Improve My Overall Health and Wellness, Improve My Finance & Savings, Improve My Spiritual Growth and Giving, and Improve My Relationship With Self

One of the first things I did this month was go back and review everything I had already committed myself to in some shape, form, or fashion. By doing so, I found that many of the resources I needed were right at my fingertips. For instance, http://www.meetup.com/ is an excellent resource for finding groups that are aligned to your personal goals and interests. Although, I already belonged to a few groups, I joined a few more.

On Saturday, I attended my first Girls Just Wanna Have Funds meetup in order to work on my financial stability. This meeting focused on budgeting and tracking expenses. Although, I have my own way of doing so (which fell apart somewhere), it was encouraging to listen to others who have had similar experiences and moved beyond them. The next meeting's topic is "Multiple Streams of Income", in other words "side hustle". But it's on the same day as B & Rod's Wedding. I'm trying to see how I can work this. I might have to miis the first part of the ceremony. lol, j/k.

I also had the opportunity to attend two meetups organized by my friends, Dionne ( Ahh Atlanta Massage & Spa Meetup) and Mechelle (Trinity Fusion Fitness). On Sunday, I experienced my first outing with Ahh Atlanta and what an experience it was!! We went to JeJu Sauna in Duluth. This was a lesson in Korean culture, relaxation and healing all bundled into one. Now, I will admit it was weird at first, but once I got over having to be in the buff, I was good. LOL. Anyway, if you live in Atlanta, get past the buttnakedness and go check them out! I will definitely be going back. Trinity's meetup was earlier in the month and Mechelle hosted a fitness party featuring ChaLEAN Xtreme. I must admit, going in I hated the kickboxing type workouts and raisins. Mechelle won me over on both.

Last but not least are my two poetry meetups, Quality Poets Society and Soul Cafe. I have been a member of QPS for a while but am working toward staying focused in my poetry and attending the meetings on a consistent basis. Although I attended the last workshop on publishing, I can't say that is my motivation at the moment. I enjoy the freedom of words and interacting with other writers. I find it enlightening to hear the various perceptions realized by one topic. Soul Cafe is new to me, but Monday the meetup hosted an open mic and food drive. After chatting and exchanging ideas, I just may be doing more than I had even projected in the next few months on the poetry scene. But I'm going to hush for now. I'll report back on that at a later date. :) Now I think in meetups alone, I have touched on all my goals. So I'll have to come back tomorrow to tell you more. Until the next time....journey light.

Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,

E

Good morning beautiful people! I so need to catch up on what everyone is writing about. Thanks for stopping by if I haven't been by your blogs to tell you yet. I had so much I wanted to write last week, but never took the time to sit done and type it. Which means I need to start back journaling. So I'm going to get my thoughts together and come back later. :-) But for now, I'll post something my aunt sent me many moons ago. I think #13 & #17 are priceless, as they are sometimes the most difficult and provide the path to inner peace and healing. Journey light! Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings! E

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.

3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to __________ today. I am thankful for______________'

4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli , almonds & walnuts.

6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

9. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

12. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

13. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

14. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

17. Forgive everyone for everything.

18. What other people think of you is none of your business.

19. GOD heals everything.

20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

21. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch!!!

22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

23. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.

24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

Just My Thoughts:Perfecting My Shine for '09

Each year as the clock strikes midnight in our respective timezones, millions are prepared to abide by whatever resolution deemed necessary for their personal growth. Most often I hear resolutions based upon the idea that something should be given up. Something that is normally attached to a physical craving such as cigarettes, sweets, sex, etc. I tend to cringe at the perception many people have about resolutions. As many times, they are viewed as an oath made, that once broken seems to no longer be of importance for the balance of the year. But how does one dispose of something supposedly so vital to their growth? And then wait until the next year to start over again? Hmm.....I don't know, but the crazy thing is I've done it myself. So I stopped placing so much importance on resolutions years ago. Afterall a resolution is simply a decision to do something. The action that follows is what gives it value. Therefore the promises we make to ourselves should factor in the possibility of failure IF we presume to believe at 12:01 am on January 1, 20xx, we will never again - smoke, drink, or curse - eat pork, beef or candy - have or participate in lustful thoughts or actions, and so on.

When reassessed regularly, I've found my energies are better utilized setting goals and objectives throughout the year, just as I do for my students. Taking a page from my friend's blog, Mia's Misadventures Continues..... I decided to truly think about the goals I want to meet by year's end and post them here. So with that being said, I have considered all the things I hope for and placed them in 4 core concepts for personal growth.

1. Improve My Overall Health and Wellness
Last year, I had surgery to remove an ovarian cyst that was 11.0 x 10.3 x 10.5 cm when discovered in May but a little larger by the time I had the procedure. Along with it, was another tumor in the tube leading to the opposite ovary. I opted to have my doctor only remove what was necessary, leaving me with the option to have another child(with another procedure), but moreso to avoid going into menopause. Therefore, I still have the fibroids that cause me some unexplicable pain at times. I'm also asthmatic, which my body reminded me of not too long ago. However both can be managed if I do my part.

2. Improve My Finances and Savings
Due to the fact that my son graduated from highschool (YAY) last year, I am catapulted into the singles tax bracket (BOO) this year. So I have been making adjustments in preparation for that, along with everything going on with our economy. Plus, I'm still recovering from various financial woes that seem to hit at once (foreclosure, taxes, and ancient student loans). Whew, thank goodness I had a good healthcare plan. As you can see, I have a long journey ahead of me.

3. Improve my Spiritual Growth and Giving
Prior to being married and while married, I was very committed to my church. Since my mother-in-law was my Pastor (really still is), my divorce not only separated me from my husband, but also my church and church family. Although I have went to other churches, I've found it difficult to regain that level of committment and quite honestly, I can't say that I'm looking to do so. I am a believer of God, but I also know that there are a number of avenues to practice my beliefs without having to attend church services weekly. I'm not ruling church out, just thinking I can utilize some of my time in other ways.

4. Improve My Relationship With Self
For the longest time, I have been in the practice of placing everyone else's feelings, problems, and needs before my own. I have been a friend to some who are not even friends to themselves. I have overextended myself to the point of becoming depressed and eventually shutting myself off to everyone around me. By design, I understand that women are nurturers. But now, I really don't have anyone to be responsible for but myself and I intend to truly love and enjoy me.

When setting goals, I must restate what Tiff mentioned in her blog. Goals should be attainable. They should be within reach, so as not to be a road to disappointment. I realize that none of my goals have a definitive action or measure. That's by design. My goals are ongoing and reached through objectives. I will be sharing my objectives, the means by which I plan to achieve each goal, as the year progresses. At the end, I will be able to list what I achieved vs. what I didn't. Until the next time.....journey light.

Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,

E

Just My Thoughts:Attitude & Outlook

“A happy person is not a person

in a certain set of circumstances,

but rather a person

with a certain set of attitudes.”

Hugh Downs

Tonight I was at a new poetry spot and the MC asked how many folks were in a relationship. When she only received very light applause, she then asked how many were looking for somebody to be in a relationship with. I think maybe one and 1/2 people clapped. I say half, because there was quite a bit of uncertainty. Finally she asked, who had just gotten out of a relationship and was just bitter. Of course, she received a wave of laughter but no one actually owned up to it. But really wanted to participate and the question I was waiting for was "Who is happy right where you are?" Nothing else, plain and simple. To that I would have stood on my chair and sang "Me, Me, Me, Me, Me." Actually, no I wouldn't have done that. I just would have said it really loud. ;)
As much as I may rant when perturbed. When left to reflect and enjoy me, I am quite happy where I am now. Relationships with others can be beautiful, but the relationship one has with self is the most important. Afterall, we all have said at one point or another, "You must love yourself first and if not can we really love another person." But how many of us truly take those words to heart? Do we really apply them when we need to the most? Or do we blindly trudge through the muck and mire around us, hoping it will soon get easier? Sometimes it does get easier, depending on the attitude we select to deal with people and situations. However, we also need to learn when that attitude doesn't need to be adjusted. Sometimes we just need to apply the attitude we are already equipped with to handle what life places at our feet. Don't let your lenses get cloudy and doubt what you already know. Stay focused on YOUR happiness. I'm back working on this one myself. Until we meet again.......journey light.
Love, peace, and an abundance of joy,
E