Friday, November 12, 2010

Response to "Man of the House?" and a note to self...

Ok so the other day one of my favs posted a rant titled "Man of the House?" Yes the question mark was very intentional. The trigger was how she came to her cousin's rescue concerning a dead car battery when others specifically, menfolk, did nothing. She noted how we are forever provided with endless magazine articles, books, etc., on how to get and keep a good man. Yet, many men expect to be treated a certain way without lifting a finger to do what our grandfathers did for our grandmothers or what a gentleman does for a lady in distress. Not because they are expected to but because they want to. She even made a point about Lesbianism and women having to do for themselves. Now I responded with my own “amen” of sorts but had to admit that I, through my own trials, often must blame myself for not getting the care I need in a “relationship”. So Brandice I said would post an explanation and here it is.

How is it becoming NATURAL that many men not be about taking care of their woman? What about the men that know they are “GOOD” men? Is chivalry dead and did we, ladies, kill it? Some would argue the new feminist movement of independence is pushing men aside. Others might debate that women have way too much attitude and are hard to satisfy. I can’t speak for anyone else but me (and well 1 or 2 others), but I think in an effort to not close my eyes to the possibility of unconditional love I’ve allowed myself to stray to far from my list of do’s and don’ts, dealmakers and deal-breakers. Sorry folks, as much as I romanticize, the reality is love still does come with conditions. And I often still confuse the concept blurring it with hope. So as much as I may not want to admit this, I’ve lowered my standards and have been accepting of too much. I’m one of those that has become way too laid back in an effort not to nag or overreact. As a result, 2 things have happened. Either he thought he could do whatever or he thought I didn’t really care enough to worry about what he did. Often times my actions resembled the latter, because I don’t do jealousy. Sad thing is it wasn’t even that. Honestly dude, I just think if you’re with me, you see me struggling and you TRULY care about me then you will step up and handle whatever the problem is without me asking. Matter of fact, you won’t even let me get to the struggling part.

In the past year, I’ve moved into a new place, had issues with my car, battled with the manchild (I won lol), and been confronted by a few other minor challenges. But when it came time to handle the challenges that came with each, I’ve had to go it alone. Why?? Because the man I was seeing never offered to say “Let me take care of that baby” and I never made him feel like he had to. I never put a demand on defining our relationship because I felt it made matters complicated and honestly I was a little scared to lock in. To be fair, I’ve had offers to handle simple things but not those things I’d rather not deal with. Not the things that would move an unnecessary cloud from looming over me. Not the things that show this has the potential to be a great partnership. Its not that I don’t know what it looks like. I’ve had two people to show me, but since them, no one has managed to do the same. And I know men hate to be compared but come on son…y’all do the same thing! Afterall, I did say ex meaning something was amiss. I mean if you are use to being treated a certain way, why feel ashamed to admit you not only expect more but deserve more. Keep it 100 though, and be prepared to give just as much or more in order to receive. No need asking for what you can’t give. As for me, I’ve decided I’m done holding on to trying to love him anyway. I’m over the “I want to be in his corner” movement. If he can’t love me the way I deserve then why am I still loving him. Bottom line, if you KNOW how to take care of me then I‘ll have no problem taking care of you. Until the next time….journey light.

Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,

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