Monday, October 12, 2009

Just My Thoughts: The Perils of Dating Again...Ready or Not?

Cancer (6/22-7/22)

Be careful about how much you rely on your instincts today. Because they are based so much on emotions -- and your emotions right now are rapidly fluctuating -- they could be somewhat unreliable. Stick to the facts and if they aren't leading you anywhere concrete, then hold off making any big decisions. Wait for another day, when your head is clearer. Step back, and give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel today without the pressure of it affecting your decision-making abilities.

This little tidbit of advice could represent my next few weeks instead of one day. I know me well enough to admit that I often tap into emotion first. So giving myself permission to feel whatever I feel - Am I really ready to do this dating thing again?? Because that is the one emotion that has been bouncing around lately - my desire to connect with someone I can laugh with, share with, trust, etc. However my thoughts of dating come just like the breeze and change just as fast. I'm finding myself asking many what ifs, couldas, shouldas. Why did I get married and why did I get divorced? Although I know the answer to both. And recognizing the sentimental nature of it all, I remind myself that was a season in my life that provided me with many lessons to carry forward. As we enter into fall/winter, it's just something about this time of year that does that to me. And those damn Publix commercials with the big happy grinning from ear to ear families coming together for a grand holiday meal don't help! I don't see my family as much as I would like and I'm forced to admit as glad as I am that the manchild is out the house, I miss his years as my baby :-( Yes I'm having a moment.

Anywho, so I know even this particular emotion is somewhat seasonal. A couple of years ago I talked about this in another blog, met someone, dated him for a year and we split a year ago. I have been enjoying my time with me, but as I slow down and have way to much time to think, this is what I come up with. And why is that? Because I'm now entering the dating season (October - April). Now if you live up north, your season began in September, so you're a lil' late but due to unpredictably long azz winters, you still have a considerable amount of time to implement whatever plan you have put together. So get 'er going.

See I like hibernating and lose the desire to leave the house as much. I actually cook during this time of the year. Sidenote: I never said I can't cook, I just don't do it anymore. Plus I would rather engage in some type of indoor sport/activity. You know, chess, dominoes, scrabble, operation, or whatever you choose to call it ;-) Now this does not mean, once the spring/summer comes back around, I'll have no use for a brotha, and immediately find reasons to revert back to singlehood. On the contrary, I believe I'm ready for something sincere and longterm. Someone that will share in the summer's festivities and the one after that. Someone who doesn't mind if we actually have activities we share and don't share. Because I do have 'space' issues. The older I get the better I am with knowing what I can and cannot do. I'm just not keen on any talk of marriage (got that t-shirt) or the spreading of one's seed (got that one too). Therefore if the "Yes, We're On the Same Page" code is violated, the abrupt deletion of any and all a brotha's personal info will be initiated. Just saying.

Now if I don't meet anyone or it just doesn't gel, that's fine too. Like the menfolk, I will welcome with open arms another beautiful summer of being footloose and fancyfree. No need in letting a good summer go to waste, especially when that's my downtime. And nope, I don't think I'm all that. I'm good for some, but not for others. Vice versa. I just see no need in attaching myself to someone for the sake of having someone. That's a recipe for misery. If its just a matter of companionship, I can always go by the humane society and pick up a new friend. My issue is what to do? I don't know where to start and I HATE the process. I wish I could be like another friend who has adopted a new conservation/dating policy of "reduce, recycle, reuse. But my ex-s are ex-s for a reason and limited. Out of the two, I dated seriously since my divorce...the first poured bleach all over the next girlfriend's clothing and in her mouthwash (how do I know? small world) and well the other just might be reading this right now. Did I mention I'm a little afraid to date too? Plus I seem to be in the awkward position of what can be a considered a mixed blessing. A male friend refers to me as a 20-40, because I'm often told that I look much younger than I am. Therefore I seem to be approached by men who are way younger, childless, want kids, etc. Our needs don't mesh, experiences are totally different. Then there are those that are about my age or older who just tend to bore the hell out of me or want someone much younger to play with. Which takes me back to what do I do?? I don't believe in searching but I'm thinking I might need to position myself on the field a little better. Help! Until next time.....journey light.

Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,


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