So I haven't written anything in a minute. At least not here anyway. But I have scribbled quite a bit elsewhere in notebooks, on napkins, toilet paper etc :-). Anywho what brings me here tonight is an incident from earlier this evening. I have a particular piece that I perform that women like and the men well I don't know....I think they take it personal. Even though I do the disclaimer, letting them know its not about them and don't be so sensitive. But tonight, I had an older gentleman stop me and tell me he just felt like he should hug me and say "its going to be alright." I laughed and expressed to him that I'm good, it's just a piece. But he wasn't buying it. And although I did admit to him that its personal but it was from years ago, he felt like I was still hurt by it and carrying it around. I guess my answer to his "Are you single? and why?" question sealed the deal on my lonely woe is me sad little miserable life :-) Which makes me curious to know is that the perception most men have of me? That I'm single because I'm hurting? How come I just can't be single because I'm happy with me? WOW. The truth is I'm not hurt at all, but I do remember all too well the way I felt, so going back helps me perform. The poem itself was a therapy piece.
See I get the question are you single followed with why quite often and I always answer, because I'm happy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the "I don't need a man chic." I just prefer not to hunt them down and harpoon them. But more than that, I've always put myself in a position behind someone else and never really fully enjoyed me. And that's not anyone else's fault, because I didn't know me either. If you don't know, I've been married. There was no cheating, beatings, addictions, etc. We just grew apart because it was based on surface attraction. We didn't dig deep enough to recognize if there was really any longevity for our relationship. So with me knowing what I know now, having a manchild, and coming to understand myself more, I'm good with me for now. Plus I tried doing the relationship thing again and realized I was still overlooking qualities that play a major role in staying power and effective communication. I think most people fool themselves into thinking they want certain things just to stay with someone. I've figured out it's not worth my sanity nor my joy. So until "that brotha" comes along that I need to connect to, I'm good with the "single" title. Until next time...journey light.
Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,
E
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