Monday, April 20, 2009

Just My Thoughts: Sharing Philosophies....A Matter of Trust

Today's Horoscope ~ Today is about taking the time you need to establish things -- instead of just trying something for fifteen minutes, you need to delve in and make more of a commitment. This applies to growing relationships, improving your career options, and just entertaining yourself. Don't just send a flirty email to that person you're into. Call them up and get a deeper conversation going. Share your philosophy and they will share theirs with you. This will be a good way to spend the day.

Today’s Quote ~"To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved" George MacDonald

So the last couple of days I have been on an emotional rollercoaster. Part of it can be attributed to my current hyper-hormonal state :) but the other, hmm. Let's just say it’s a matter of where to place people in my life, far or near. This is not a matter of love, but a matter of trust.

Ever since I can remember, I have formed my friendships much like I did my intimate relationships, with only those I can trust. If I thought you were a liar, backstabber, cheater, etc, I would simply keep it moving, feeling as though you had no place in my circle. After all if I were a witness to you committing these acts against others, then eventually I believed you would do it to me. That actually still holds true for some things. J But I would take it a step further, going by what I “thought” or “sensed” vs. what I actually experienced or had evidence of from personal experiences. I carried that attitude through high school and college, to later learn that we were all trying to find ourselves and I was in no position to tell someone else what I thought of them. Especially since the majority of the time, I handled it in an immature manner. During the balance of my twenties and early thirties, I didn't seek out friends because I had my family, my ex's family, and my church family to fill my social circle. At the time, I felt content, never realizing the true potential and wealth of knowledge that is derived from conversing with those outside my comfort zone. However, while going through my divorce, I found the need to embrace a new chapter in my life, make my own friends and in all honesty - fuck what somebody else thinks of the people I choose to I deal with and who I call friend. However, the one thing I still to this day use as my barometer for benefit or bullshit is trust? Because I believe trusting a person, far out ranks anything else when it comes to dealing with someone whether they be man or woman. A person may love you and lie to you to spare your feelings, but a person who is truthful even if it hurts a little I trust him/her not to let me go off into the wilderness alone. So my decision to keep you far or near is still “Can I trust you?” I mean if I were talking freely with you about my personal opinions and thoughts......can I trust that you won't judge me? If I fell ill and needed someone by my side......can I trust that you'll be there to help me? If I shared with you my secret inhibitions and desires........can I trust you not to manipulate me to serve your own needs? If I shared with you my goals and dreams.......can I trust you not to rain on my parade? If I were headed in the wrong direction.......can I trust you to turn me around? If I said or did the wrong thing.........can I trust you to be a true friend and let me know how I erred instead of letting it fester or sounding off to someone else?

Bottom line: Can I trust you? Because if I can’t, it would be hard for me to be around you, be me, and speak freely without wondering are you just here for this part of the ride or do you plan to always be in my corner? Because those I call true friends, know I’m in theirs. Until the next time…..journey light.

Luv, peace, and an abundance of blessings,


1 comment:

Shana said...

Good word. That is how I operate; however, I've learned that my social life is still 'lacking' because of that. Because I make friendships based on the internal 'feeling' I get about a person, there are other people who would benefit my 'social' life who I know won't necessarilly make it to my 'inner circle' that I don't deal with. I view it as keeping down the drama but my social life is still at ground zero. I'm working on that.